Just to feel so depressed

[riolou]

I don't even know where to start.

I have ocd anxiety and depression , had depression since I was around 12 some months was brilliant some wasn't , with me it's stress I really am petrified at the thought of stress! I don't no how to deal with it , how to cope through it , I have 2 children 3&1 (nearly2) , they fight constantly youngest headbutts , nips , bites rags chunks out her hair every second of the day I have spoke to health visitor all she said is keep them separate. I have done , she goes in her bedroom with her dad and plays then we switch and then I play outside with her or bake or something but recently I just don't feel like I can cope I dread waking up on a morning because I know what's going to happen soon as my child sets foot through the door my youngest constantly hurts her it's like he has a bad urge to hurt someone , he does it to everyone but mainly his sister , I'm fed up I don't no what to do anymore sometimes I want to escape even only for half hour but I know once I come back it will be the same , I love my babies to pieces we hve a lot of 1-1 time we have routine bedtimes in our house and on a night I spend time with them in there beds watch a movie etc and then it's sleep time for them , I never have let my children stay at family's or anything because of my ocd anxiety which makes me have thoughts that something bad going to happen to my kids or there not going to get looked after properly so I've never experienced a break. Any advice? Sound like a psycho I know but I've kept this in so long I just need to let it out without been judged by my mum 😞

I'm so sorry. You do not sound like a psycho, and I'm sorry your mum will judge you. Are you receiving any support/counselling for your depression, OCD and anxiety? If not, you can contact your GP, or if you prefer to go online privately, you could have a look at the link below. It is based in Ireland (hence the prices being in euros) but they offer counselling to people all over the world.
www.myclinic.ie/counselling
It is £44 (50 euros) for 50 minutes of counselling

all the best x

Hi , I'm in England I have been to the doctors plenty of times but I don't want to really tell them I can't cope as I don't want my kids been taken and I don't want to tell my partner how I really feel because I know he might now understand , hos ex was in and out of mental health institute he got full custody of his daughter so he was so happy when he met me that he didn't have to go through what he did with her so I can't really tell anyone the full extent doctors have told me loads of times they will send me for counciling but never heard anything everytime the did it xx

I'm really sorry. If you don't feel able to go to the doctors, I would definitely go and have a look at the link above. They are based in Ireland but will help you even if you are in England. You could schedule a session, and then go for a walk and have a chat with the counsellor, or go for a drive, park up your car and have a chat there so you have some privacy.

You should tell the doctor, they won't take your kids off you. Pnd is really common and you need help.

@longtimecomin , I have spoke to them and every time they said " it's not post natal depression your child's heart 2 you normally get it when there born"