Dummies - yes or no?

[newmum234]

My 7 week old baby is quite unsettled at the moment and has been crying a lot. On another thread a couple of posters suggested that I try a dummy to help soothe him, but I’ve always been dead against them.

However I’m now wondering if I’m almost being cruel to the baby by not allowing him to use one, as apparently babies find them very comforting and I’m denying him that comfort. What do you think?

On this website it says they’re no longer physiologically necessary after 3 months, so if he had one now he would only use it for about 5 weeks.

www.senderspediatrics.com/health-and-parenting/fussy-baby/

Are there any downsides to using a dummy apart from the fact that it could be hard to take it away once he’s used to it?

I tried to give DD a dummy but she relentlessly spat it out. I remember standing over her cot for an hour repeatedly putting it back in her mouth but she was having none of it. I wanted her to have a dummy to avoid thumb-sucking, as you can take a dummy away at the right time, but you can't take a thumb away.

She's now six months and an enthusiastic thumb-sucker

I think people should keep an open mind about dummies. It's easy to be against them when you don't have a child that struggles to BF and screams for hours and hours and hours at a time. We had one or two dummies 'just in case' with the idea that we would avoid if we could, but if we felt we needed to use them, we would. Think we started occasionally at about 2 weeks old, as I was BF I tended to just feed her instead unless it was in the middle of the night and shed already been fed on both sides or unless we were out and it would be difficult to feed her or I had just done so. As we had troubles with BF I gradually weaned her on to formula so she was fully FF by 12 weeks and sort of proportionately to the formula feeds, the dummy use increased too. She had her first dentist visit around 18m and the dentist told me her teeth were fine and she had her own kids and "you have to do what you need to do" and told me not to worry about it. She said limit usage where possible but she wouldn't be concerned or expect it to affect her teeth unless she was at least 3 and in fact it's more commonly and issue in children 4+ who still use one. So that put my mind at rest. As she's gotten older and her communication has improved we have tried to send a message that the dummy is for sleep, she will sometimes ask for it she's very upset but only uses it for a short time then, and she will sometimes use it in the pram if she's tired on the way home from the park or something. She's about to turn 2 and due her 2nd dental appt and soon her 2 year review with the HV team as well so I will definitely take their feedback in mind as well if they say there is anything wrong with her teeth or speech. I think her speech seems about average for her age but I'm not an expert.

From what age can babies potentially start to thumb suck? I think I would also try to use a dummy in that situation!

First baby I was no way going to use them. But then he ended up chewing his teddies relentlessly and they're much harder to keep clean. So on the basis that they'll suck something regardless I bought some for the second baby. Until the dummy fairy came aged 3 and left a Playmobil Fire engine instead. Waaay cooler 😄 meanwhile the first was still sucking teddies until about 6!

OP, I responded on your other thread.. There's no right or wrong, just give it a try if you want to and see how you get on your baby might not even want one. Each baby is different.

I know it's tempting but sometimes it can do more harm than good googling things as you will always find good and bad and if you're worrying you'll automatically question everything. Just go with what feels right for you and baby but I honestly wouldn't worry about the long term of having a dummy, so many children have them and give them up/ don't have teeth problems! I have an older DC who's been dummy free since 2 years old with lovely teeth x

I suppose my question is, am I being cruel to my baby and making him unhappy by denying him a dummy and the comfort that goes with that?

It's about understanding the compromises on comfort to sleep.

Children need comfort (in some form) in order to get to sleep right through to preschool age. So stopping the need for comfort around aged 3 to aged 5. That comfort does not have to be sucking, but sucking is one way to comfort. All ways require work and effort, they rarely just happen. The hope would be that as baby gets older, they learn to self-comfort in ways that don't need you (which dummy allows), not that they learn to not need comfort.

As mentioned in your other sleep related thread - at the moment your not offering your baby any (or enough) comfort to get to sleep. You seem to be making it hard for baby to sleep by not offering comfort methods, instead of easier.

So in terms of sleep - it's a case of picking your method. You don't have to use a dummy or sucking for comfort. Movement helps too. Or physical closeness like holding while asleep (can be replicated by swaddling) or cosleeping. Do if you don't offer sucking for comfort, you may need to double up on other soothing methods.

Most newborns need all these to feel comforted enough. That could involve dummy (for sucking), swaddle (for security) and swaying (for movement). It it could be feeding to sleep (for sucking), cuddling (for security) and rocking (for movement). Or any other ways to offer the comfort.

In terms of long term sleep habits, from the POV of parenting a newborn the idea is to Have A Plan. The idea is not to not comfort. It is about offering the comfort needed and then planning for the long term future and how you will gradual reduce the dependence on you so baby learns to self-comfort.

I'd say try it.
I BF my baby, one night he was feeding feeding feeding, everytime I took him off the breast he was sick, so I knew he was using me for comfort not for milk.
I was exhausted and ended up giving Him a dummy.
It settled him Instantly.
He never really took to it though, luckily.
Lasted a few weeks only.

@FATEdestiny I assume putting baby in a sling is another way to comfort them to sleep? I’ve been holding DS for 2 hours now and he’s fallen fast asleep on me. I did try to put him down about an hour ago, but as usual he woke up and started crying so I picked him up again!

I didn't use a dummy with ds1 and I wish I had (didn't try until 5 months old and then he refused it). He was a nightmare sleeper and basically used me as a dummy.

I did with ds2 and it definitely helped with settling him. As soon as he found his thumb though (about 8 weeks) he rejected it and preferred that.

Ds2's teeth are fine btw, and ds1 has the same high narrow palate as me which I was always told was caused by my thumb sucking but ds1 never sucked his thumb!

I was dead against dummies, and then I had a baby. After a sleep deprived two weeks and in absolute desperation I remembered that the bottle set we'd bought had come with a dummy. Popped it in, and there was silence!! DH went straight to Boots and got ten more 🤣

My eldest suffered badly with reflux and I found that offering a dummy mid and after a feed helped him to keep swallowing.

I didn’t want to use a dummy but after two weeks of no sleep with a newborn, we caved.

Used it only as a sleep aid. We got rid of them just before DD turned 2. It wasn’t as bad as we thought it would be. DD asked for them the first couple of nights and then accepted it and forgot all about them.

Would absolutely use them again if we have another baby.

I assume putting baby in a sling is another way to comfort them to sleep? I’ve been holding DS for 2 hours now and he’s fallen fast asleep on me. I did try to put him down about an hour ago, but as usual he woke up and started crying so I picked him up again!

Yes, absolutely.

That secure feeling is another natural, normal way to comfort. The sling (or being held in arms) allows for it.

Since you are thinking long term with the dummy, think long term with this too. Good sleep habits mean baby goes to sleep where they stay asleep. That's why putting baby down is hard - because he went to sleep in your arms to wants to stay there. It is arguably a much harder habit to break holding baby for naps than it is to deal with a dummy/swaddle, but being able to put baby down.

It's all about compromises and parenting style.

Didn't intend on using a dummy with my son but he ended up in the NICU for 3 weeks and the nurses advised a dummy to give him comfort. It really helps to settle him for naps and after feeding - he is a very 'sucky' baby so will cry when he has finished his bottle and it's taken away despite him being full. He sleeps fine at night without it though and I will wean him off it when he starts using it as a toy or if it ends up in his mouth all day long. He's just finding his hands now though and I think he will be a thumb sucker...

If it helps your decision DC1 had one from birth to just after his 2nd birthday. He bit through the teat so I said it was broken and we didn't have any more. He put it in the bin and never asked for it again. DC2 just didn't want one, it made her gag. She sucks on 2 fingers instead when she's tired. I imagine that will be harder to stop and I hope her teeth won't be affected.

I was dead against them pre DS because I just had a pre conceived idea that he’d still be sucking on it at 5 but he was born prem and when I went to visit him in NICU one day the nurses had given him one, then they gave me some research about SIDS prevention and some guidance about taking it away. So he’s always had one.

He’s 14 months now and still has it just for going to bed but he spits it out quite quickly once asleep and then doesn’t bother with it any more. So he maybe had it for an hour a day max.
We’ll get rid of it when he understands a bit more, soon hopefully.
He hasn’t had it when he’s been awake since he was a few months old.

@newmum234 refering to your post earlier today re bottle fed babies, my neice was bottle fed, never sucked her thumb or had a dummy! She does appear to have sucked the life out of her soft toy bunny rabbits ear though!

We were very anti-dummy too. Hated the idea of them. Then DD was born and wanted to breastfeed literally 24 hours a day. She screamed if she wasn't attatched to me. A lovely midwife suggested a dummy, and I succumed out of desperation. It helped me to continue bf for a few more weeks (I was ready to give up there and then!).

DD has just turned 3 and we need to think about getting rid of it. She has only ever had it for sleep, and she has slept through the night (bar a very straightforward 4 month sleep regression) since 9 weeks old. I can count on one hand the amount of disturbed nights we have had, and I think that is 80% due to the dummy!

Due DD2 in August and will be preparing with 1000 dummies.

I'm also a new mum to an 11 week old DD, and I found having her became a lot less stressful and more enjoyable when I stopped being so hard on myself. You just have to do what feels right for you in the moment and keeps you and your son happy. If you make a mistake or change your mind, it's fine. Just do it differently next time. You know better than anyone on mumsnet what your wee one needs.
Personally, I love dummies to settle my baby and she spits them out very quickly after falling asleep, but you get to decide if it's something you want to try. I was dead against them before my daughter was born, but now I never leave the house without 2.

Yes, yes, yes to the dummy!

My baby only has one for sleeping but it really is the key to her self settling. I introduced one at about 3 months, but I wish I'd started sooner.

DS1 was a refluxy, colicky and generally pretty unhappy baby, he had a dummy from week one. Still has it at bedtime now at 2. We will do the dummy fairy or similar before his third birthday. DS2 never liked a dummy, has been quite settled and so I never really bothered with one for him. It totally depends on the child. I think people massively overthink dummies.

Get one! They are FINE.
Both mine had them.
No teeth problems. Get an orthodontic one.
No problem taking them away.
Much easier to remove than a thumb!!
People are just incredibly snobby about them OP.
Hope your baby takes one. They really saved my sanity

Stop Googling and stop overthinking it.

People are very snobby about them.
Ignore.

If sucking is what brings comfort to your little one then just do it.

I have 3 DC.
Eldest and youngest would not have one at all. I offered but they really weren't interested.
DC 2 however, was the suckiest baby ever!
He had a dummy until 23 months then gave up.
No problems with his teeth at all.

Just do whatever is best for your baby. In the long run it's not an issue.
Babyhood is gone in the blink of an eye (even if it doesn't feel like that to you right now!).

It’s recommended that parents stop using a dummy once a baby is 6 months old according to La Leche:

www.laleche.org.uk/dummies-and-breastfeeding/#wean

Personally I hate them and don't agree with them at all. I would never ever give any baby of mine one.

I didn't with my first as he never took to it, and it didn't relax him, but my 10w daughter finds hers helpful. She only has it when she is getting very frustrated trying to sleep. It helps her nod off and she does generally stay asleep when it falls out.

Don't give yourself arbitrary rules.