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Does anyone know much about attachment theory?

9 replies

milcmxxx · 10/06/2020 14:35

Okay so I think this is the second thing I’ve posted regarding this, basically I feel like my baby doesn’t smile for me half as much as she does for dad, but she only wants me to feed her or put her to sleep? I walked in the room before and I was smiling and calling her name and she never even looked at me!! She’s 4 months. However - when we went round bf to his parents the other day (neither households have been anywhere and we were careful still) his mum was playing eith her and she kept on looking over at me and smiling and even cried when I left the room which I was very surprised at as I didn’t think that happened until much later, it might have been something else of course. Is it because she’s in her own home and she knows I’m there?? Someone please just say it’s because she’s too used to me or something 😂 just want her to give me smiles like she gives her daddy!! She also gives both her grandads huge smiles so I was actually wondering if she likes the sound of men’s voices haha. I’m her main care giver she’s literally with me all day and I always respond when she’s crying etc. Am I being dramatic will we have a bond?

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hermyweasley · 10/06/2020 14:41

DS1 smiled for everyone except me at 4-5 months. I was like a performing monkey trying to get a smile but wouldn't get anything, whereas DH just had to look at him and he would be grinning ear to ear.

It soon changed - he's a complete mummy's boy now he 2, and has been since about 6 months!

AmethystMoonShine · 10/06/2020 14:42

You already have a bond! Relax and enjoy and please don’t make it a competition in your head, you’ll go loopy!
Babies brains are fairly simplistic, they want their needs met. Basic needs.
Attachment theory is vast, have a google if you’re interested but put all your energy into your baby, not worrying about theories. I mean all this kindly by the way!
Babies attach to their primary care givers, that’s you, and their father. You provide what they need. Smiling is lovely but it’s a reaction in a baby, not necessarily akin to an adult smile and lets face it often wind Grin

hermyweasley · 10/06/2020 14:42

I remember reading somewhere at the time that at that age then just see mum as an extension of themselves, it's a bit later that they realise they're separate to you and 'baby and mum' isn't one being Grinhow cute!

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QuentinWinters · 10/06/2020 14:43

My ds2 was like that- basically I think he was so attached he perceived me as part of him and couldn't be bothered to smile!

If she cried when you left the room she is definitely attached to you Grin

AmethystMoonShine · 10/06/2020 14:45

Oh and she’ll know your voice from before she was born, very likely her dad’s too. You might find she likes the tone or rhythm of some voices, she might find them calming. She grew in your womb surrounded by your heart beat and all the other swooshing and gurgling that’s goes on in there! My daughter liked David Attenborough’s voice as a baby... it’s a soothing voice and I no doubt watched loads of things presented and narrated by him whilst pregnant Grin

AmethystMoonShine · 10/06/2020 14:46

Also agree with others that she may still think you and her are as one! Well, you were once Smile

GratitudeGoddess · 10/06/2020 14:57

If your baby is searching for you whilst being held by others whilst you are in the same room and crying when you leave the room then she is definitely securely atrached.

Watch 'The Strange Situation - Mary Ainsworth' on YouTube.

milcmxxx · 10/06/2020 17:04

Guys, something has happened - Litetally right now she’s sitting on dads knee and he’s singing to her but she keeps on looking over at me and smiling. This is the first time in god knows how long but I’m so happy, earlier today she just didn’t even acknowledge me 😂😂😂

@GratitudeGoddess I watched!! That’s so fascinating - I felt so bad for the baby haha.

@AmethystMoonShine you’re right I need to stop constantly thinking about it and just enjoy her!

In the time I wrote this message she’s more interested I. Daddy again 😂 that was a lovely ten mins tho!!

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AmethystMoonShine · 10/06/2020 18:30

Aww @milcmxxx that's a lovely update. The behaviour you describe suggests she's securely attached to you and feels you'll keep her safe - hence the looking back at you whilst having fun with her Dad. You're her 'secure base' Smile

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