Today I cried for the first time since lockdown. Toddler help please.

[wingingit987]

I'm really struggling today, I was supposed to be furloughed but it's been cancelled and I'm back to work in a stressful job in a new situation but I don't think this is helping.

I have a 21 month old and he's great most of the time but today I went to visit my sister lives around the corner from me with him it was raining so we went inside for 5 minutes (I know i shouldn't have) he was touching everything opening the cupboard doors in the end I just walked home the pouring rain.

He had done this in other people's houses for ages but as we haven't been in anyone's house since March this was the first time I've not given it much thought.

Is this normal constantly touching everything opening cupboards shutting doors when I say no he runs away nothing works. Our house is completely baby proof so everything is out of his reach and he can't get into kitchen ect. I know he understands what no is but I just can't get him to stop doing things.

If we went for a walk anywhere he's terrible at walking lies on the floor tries to run away, I end up driving to a big field and letting him run riot. I see all these mums walking toddlers through the woods with there toddlers but mine wouldn't do that (or maybe I won't let him.) how do i make it so he listens I've tried naughty corner it doesn't work I've tried tapping his hand the def doesn't work.

He's so active he's usually at nursery 2 days an week and with a grandparent one day a week before lockdown on my days off we always did activities soft play and fun things but now I can't do any of that.

I feel like a complete failure and it's even worse now I'm going back into work (only when partners home no nursery) throughout lockdown I was working from home which was easier. I was diagnosed with post natal depression when I was returning to work last year and I'm worried I'll start going down that road again.

Any help or advice or books you could give would be greatly appreciated and thanks for reading and making it till the end if you do comment.

From
A very teary mum.

Ah OP. I remember when my first born was on the verge of walking as a toddler and I was so excited to be able to take her for walks and explore our neighbourhood. As soon as she was confident on her feet I excitedly set off with her for a walk round the block to the village shop, I was prepared for it to be slow and was excited to show her all of the nature she wanted, but when we'd only got round the corner in 10 minutes because she wouldn't hold my hand, I realised she couldn't give a toss about nature, wanted to walk into the road and examine the tarmac not the trees, wanted to walk up people's drives and play in gravel, kept sitting down, screamed when I tried to set the route... My expectations were shattered that a walking toddler is easier, and the fact that I remember it so clearly, I think was probably a more profound realisation that toddlerhood is more about management than direction.

I'm sure there are toddlers who are less inquisitive and do blindly take direction OP, but from my own personal experience as a mother of 3, mine haven't for the most part. One of them is much better at holding hands and just letting me take the lead than the others but that doesn't mean he follows direction all the time. He's the one that climbed bookshelves and dining tables and climbed over baby gates from a very young age.

My big piece of advice for you is to lower your expectations of toddler behaviour right now. At 1 and 2, it is managing their behaviour not directing it. So if you don't want him to play with the cupboard doors you need to distract him with something more appropriate, constant redirection and thinking on your feet. Have toys and snacks in your bag. Lots of snacks.

You can take him for a walk in the woods, it's an ideal place to let him lead the way, don't lead him, that is the key. Let him explore and go at his pace. If you provide lots of opportunities where he can just go off and explore, like parks and woods and beaches, it will hopefully lessen the hellish time you do need to make him do the things he doesn't like, such as going in his pram or car seat, getting his shoes on, holding your hand or being carried.

He’s not even 2, that is completely normal behaviour for a 21 month old!

It's completely normal behaviour, he is just curious. Some kids are better at holding hands and staying with adults. I have one who was a bolter (and still even now has a tendency to wander off if something interesting catches his eye) and one who was never more than 3ft from me. I agree with the above poster that the woods are a perfect place for him to explore so let him lead the way. Where you need control keep him in a buggy or on reins.

I mean this really kindly I honestly do as I have 2 little terrors but I think you need to relax a lot about his behaviour. Opening cupboards and exploring is completely normal, harmless behaviour. You just need to ensure anything toxic or sharp is locked away or high up, but plastic bowls etc, pots and pans, wooden spoons should be allowed to come out and be banged, touched, chewed and then he can help you out everything back. Sinks should be splashed in, fields run wild in. Unless it is actually DANGEROUS let him explore, make a mess, 'help' you tidy, cook, wash dishes etc. Why isn't he allowed in the kitchen at home? Is it really that dangerous? How will he learn an oven is hot don't touch, knives are sharp only for grown ups, etc?

I honestly feel for you, I cried a lot with my first as he was very physical at that age. He was like a little bulldozer destroying everything in his path (or so it felt like) and it is hard to adjust to that from being a little immobile baby. It doesn't last long and he's now a calm, tidy and extremely safety conscious 4 year old! I may have gone overboard on that.... My 2nd child is now in that phase (25m) and is like a little tornado but I'm finding it so much easier to cope with as she is my second and I just accept that's the way it is at that age.

It's hard to keep them occupied, the house will get wrecked and lockdown is an incredibly difficult time to have a toddler. So be kind to yourself and to your DS. Don't punish him for very normal exploratory play and don't punish yourself for finding a one year old hard work - they really are.

He's still only 1, practically a baby. They're hard work at this end. I took my 3 year old for a walk this morning and had to carry him home as he decided he didn't fancy walking any more.

He sounds like a completely normal toddler.

Go easy on both of you. You need to manage genuinely risky behaviour in whatever way works - physical restraint if necessary (in buggy or by arms). Give him safe opportunities to do what he wants to do anyway. Try distraction and redirection. But 2yos don't "listen" - they don't have the capacity.

I have a 22 month old, sounds normal to me.

Thanks for the replies. To be honest I haven't worried about it to much before just thought it was something he would grow out of but it has just seen magnified the last couple of weeks and as it's my first week back and it's been rough I think it's just all got on top of me today. Really do appreciate your replies and I'll def take it on board. Maybe I'll put baby locks on kitchen drawers that have sharps or anything toxic in and I'll start letting him in the kitchen while I'm in there.

He's probably craving the excitement of discovering new things, aren't we all at this time! Sounds like hes just a very tactile and physical child :)

You must be doing incredibly well if this is only the first time you've cried since 2.5 months ago! I cry about 5 days out of 7 at the moment.

Everything you're describing sounds perfectly normal to me. He's not even 2 yet, so still very little. I have a 28 month old and he might walk with me outside holding my hand for a bit (outside our garden), but only for a little bit and he would run off. We live in a rural area and he can run all he wants in field and woods, but I definitely wouldn't expect him to walk down the street in a built up area without potentially trying to run into traffic. I just wouldn't do that either, I'd put him in a pushchair.

Realistically, he's also probably bored being stuck at home for so long. If I could go in someone else's house right now, I'd probably rummage through their cupboards too. It sounds like he's doing fine, so you should try to feel positive about it all.

My DD is the same age and is very similar. She finds everything (even if you think you've hidden it/put it out of her reach) and she won't hold my hand if we go out for a walk together. She seems to have no fear and isn't a clingy toddler so she will just wander off on her own to explore. I've been taking her to a local woodland with a big open meadow and following where she leads though obviously chasing her down if she decides she likes the look of anyone else who happens to be out walking and wants to say 'hello'. I think it's perfectly normal and it's also completely fine to have a cry too - we're in an odd time!

As everyone has said, he's not even 2. He's curious and of course he's not perfectly behaved! Stop the tapping on the hand. And just accept he's a toddler

She finds everything (even if you think you've hidden it/put it out of her reach)

Ah yes, the telescopic toddler arm. Toddlers piss on all laws, including the laws of physics.

Honestly, my advice is to stop baby proofing things. How are toddlers meant to learn otherwise?
DS is 19 months and knows very clearly the cupboards that he can and can't touch. He also has his own drawer with his own things in to remove any temptation.
You must let children explore safely otherwise they will run you ragged

He's a toddler being a toddler. He has to learn and they learn by doing! He sounds like he was having a great time looking in the cupboards. I think you need to readjust your expectations.

I'm sure people see me and my DS out and about exploring and think they look like they're having a great time but they haven't seen the 100 other times I've carried him home screaming because he refuses to walk or dragged him out of softplay for pushing another child.

You're expecting far too much from him.

Toddlers touch things they shouldn't. Especially when it's new and exciting in a different environment. You have to expect it and pre-empt it. Ask your relatives to put anything valuable out of harms way before you show up. Be prepared to watch them like a hawk. When you visit somewhere, take toy from home to entertain him.

If it's any help, I had to take my 7YO and 5YO with me when I did a food shop for my parents. They were a nightmare and were incapable of standing still in my parents porch for ten minutes!

I wouldn't bother even trying with walking at the moment. It wasn't until mine were over two they would walk properly in a well behaved manner. My youngest was probably nearer three. If you have anywhere to be in a hurry, take the car or put them in the buggy. Otherwise take the buggy to the park and then let them run around there (are parks even open?!).

Oh and see this as a really good opportunity to try new things. As there are fewer cars on the road, DS 19 months and I have been practising road safety.
He now stops at the curb, shouts stop, and understands to look left/right and say yes/no if there are any cars or not.
Don't underestimate their understanding at this young age

Completely normal!!! We put plastic bowls and Tupperware and things in one of the kitchen cupboards and kept it open and locked all the rest which stopped them constantly wanting to open them all. They spent ages getting them all out and I spent ages putting them all back. It's just normal curiosity, and usually it wouldn't be such a worry. Maybe take a big cardboard box full of plastic bowls and spoons with you next time, and put it in their kitchen - lots of fun to be had with that! And it's nice that your toddler is comfortable and happy and not clinging to you in someone else's house (even though that would be convenient right now!)

Thanks for all the replies I really have taken all the comments on board just some times it drives you mad and he knows he's not allowed to touch it the sound bar, tv boxes pulling on curtains and blinds but it all does sound normal. I just worry that he'll do something and hurt himself while my back is turned for 2 minutes. The walking thing I'm going to work on, but I'll probably start with exploring the woods. And I'll start trying to leave the gate open on the kitchen. I'll get some safety locks for other cupboards I'm probably worse than my oh as he lets him go in there and play with the tubaware. I really do appreciate the comments. I think life in general has got to me today because after my cry I felt a lot better.

I sympathise. A lot.
I went to the park today with my 2yo, and he was running free and we were playing "It" and chasing each other and it was great, until i realised it was about to rain and we needed to leave. What happened next is what usually happens, he throws himself on the floor, cries or runs away and I end up carrying him or putting him in the pram whilst he screams. I hate it, I've also got a 14month old so it's really hard when the 2yo is playing up too.

I'm going to listen to the Audio book called "Bow to talk so little kids will listen" and see if there's anything in it that can help!

No advice I'm afraid :(

*How