When does it get better with a newborn??

[Atticus500]

Having a very hard time and hoping to hear some words of encouragement. Gave birth to DD 3 weeks ago via c-section (which I found really traumatic) and have been hysterically crying most days and feeling massively overwhelmed. Went through the “baby blues” where I honestly thought “what have I done” and “I wish I could take this back” (I feel terrible thinking it) and thankfully, those days seem to be over. But I’m still incredibly down and in the time of lockdown, not having the support of friends and family has really started to make things worse. Everything I read says “get support from friends and family” but I can’t access either as my parents are shielding and friends live far away - im finding not seeing people very hard and this also goes for midwives and health visitors who aren’t visiting making me worry I’m not a good parent. In essence, I feel isolated and lonely and DH is back at work with long hours away. When does this get better? Will it ever feel less like I’m fighting for sleep and desperately looking for happiness? Will I be able to enjoy being a mum? Will I ever feel in control of my life again?

It will get better. You are in such a vulnerable position having been through a major op and you need some support.

Could dad take some annual leave at all? Are there any online baby groups you can join? I was a member of a MN one that was and still is amazing more than a year on.

Sending a virtual hug x

It will get better, I promise. The early days are hard and I’m sure you are doing a brilliant job. It doesn’t last forever. It gets easier as they start to sleep for longer, and by three months it’s a lot better. Hang in there!

I get you. Totally. I found that it started getting better around 6 weeks when everything seemed less random and crazy and we started getting into more of a routine. It took a little bit longer to get good but by 3/4 months, I think we were there. Those first few weeks are to be endured, not enjoyed. The payoff is worth it though

I can empathise OP. I had my first DC a few years ago but in a very cold December. We lived hundreds of miles from family & friends, no HV or baby groups for weeks over Xmas and I couldn’t meet any NCT classmates etc because of all the snow.
My DH went to work and my baby just cried and cried and cried. Those were long, dark days.
But honestly it does get easier. By 4 months something I realised we were getting to know each other better and I felt a lot more confident in looking after him.
It’s a gradual thing but soon your baby will start to sleep a little bit longer at a time, you’ll get a smile from them and you’ll grow in confidence as a parent.
Be kind to yourself in the meantime. Forget the housework and chores, just look after yourself and your baby. I found DC1 to be such a culture shock it does take time to get used to it. And if you have to put them down for a few minutes do you can shower/make a sandwich etc just to feel human again then don’t feel bad. You can’t pour from an empty cup x

The best/worst thing anyone said to me before DS1 was born was that the first six weeks are just a matter of survival. I remember thinking that 6 weeks is nothing, you can cope with anything for that, but it was true those early weeks are just a matter of getting through. Afterb6 weeks things improved quickly and by 12 weeks,.life was much more settled.

It must be very hard indeed with the current restrictions. Get out for walks as much as possible, it's a small thing but I found it really helped

Just focus on yourself and the baby. The first month is so hard, then it gets better, and it gets much better at 3 months. You’ll get there!

Oh OP it really gets better so fast. It doesn't feel like it, it feels like your life will never recover. Some people might tell you an age when it's easier but it's different for every baby. But you'll get there and this will pass so quickly, it'll be easier before you know it. You'll get your evenings back, feeds will space out, naps will get longer and more reliable. It must be rubbish for you especially with everything pulled from underneath you. As the pps said, put them down to eat/drink/use the bathroom even if they wail for a little while, you need to do things to make you feel human too. Go for walks to break up your day, I found an afternoon walk in a sling brought up lots of lovely wind. I know some doulas offer postnatal support if you have anyone based near you.

For me personally it got a bit better by 3 months and then significantly better at 10 months. It's really hard! I hope you feel better soon

My baby is 5 months now and I well remember how you are feeling op. I ended up taking an antidepressant as I had pnd and just couldn't get on top of it. Have you looked at any online groups? I joined a few 'born in Jan 2020' baby groups on Facebook.

I could have written your post, except for the lockdown, which must make it so much harder. She'll smile at you soon- around 2/3 months I think. For me that changed everything, I didn't really bond until then.

Really you couldn't have given birth at worst time. Babies don't come with an instruction book and not being able to see family and friends to lighten the load a little. A newborn is hard work and crotchety, just make time for yourself and the baby, bugger the house work, put the washer on, the clothes they get through is staggering.

Come on here for advice, some of the ladies have had multiple babies and are very experienced.

I struggled enormously with my baby when it was tiny and I'm sure if I could have, I'd have sent it back and carried on with my old more enjoyable life, where I called the shots, not the 10lb angry red faced little bugger I was trying to tame.

Good luck x

It really truly honestly does get easier. Peaks and troughs.

Things got a lot easier at 12 weeks but there were easy days / weeks before that too. Good days ahead.

Can't comment on recovery for cs, but well wishes.