I could do with a bit of advice/perspective/getting things off my chest. Apologies as it may be a little long winded but I don't want to leave info out that may be of relevance.
My exH and I separated a number of years ago now. At the time DC's were 5 & 2. They are now approaching 13 and 10.
To begin with they spent on average 3/4 nights per week with him. He initially lived very locally so easy enough to ferry them back and forth. He made a huge effort with them and they always loved spending their time with him.
He then moved further away to live with a girlfriend at the time - he is no longer with this girlfriend but still lives around that particular area.
(Now may be a good time to mention that over the years he has had a string of girlfriends all of whom the children met at one stage or another.)
It's approx 30/40 min drive between our towns. At the time of him moving away I (reluctantly) agreed to meet at a half way point whenever we needed to drop kids to either parent. This worked well for quite some time. Even though it meant I also had to meet him very early on mornings of school days if they'd stayed over. I can count on one hand the amount of times he's ever taken or collected the children from school.
Fast forward to today. The children spend on average 2/3 nights per MONTH at his house, at the very most. He's now engaged to be married. She doesn't have children herself. Their hobbies/fitness dictate their lives and he now prioritises his fitness over seeing the children. I have met his girlfriend and she is pleasant enough however she suffers with various mental heath issues such as PTSD which I am very sympathetic towards and would hate to downplay any of it.
However these issues seem to have a huge effect on the atmosphere of their house and the way she behaves has caused the children to be reluctant to stay there.
My youngest is very emotionally mature and aware. She tells me a lot and is very open about how she feels about staying at their house.
Some examples DD has given me include:
The GF takes herself off to bed fairly regularly for naps.
She is moody and there have been times where she has not spoken to their dad the whole day.
She’s quiet and will sometimes speak quietly to their dad whilst not wanting the children to hear what she’s saying.
Apparently she’s bossy (but that’s a 9 year olds take on that) so I’m happy to accept that with a pinch of salt.
DD has also said on more than one occasion that she feels sorry for her dad because the GF doesn’t treat him very nicely at times. She knows full well that her dad loves this girl very much and DD would not want to hurt his feelings by telling him how she feels. But equally it has become abundantly clear that she is the reason behind them not wanting to stay over. She has also said that she thinks her dad has changed to please his GF. In her words ‘wearing fashion clothes’ etc.
How do I deal with this? It’s becoming increasingly difficult to actively encourage them to stay over at his these days. He will get straight on the defensive if I mention anything negative about his GF.
Sorry if I’ve waffled on but trying to include enough relevant and coherent information is proving a challenge!
Any experience of a similar situation or words of wisdom would be appreciated. Thank you.