23 month old transitioning from cot to bed

[A1389]

My son is very nearly 2, and at the weekend climbed out of his cot for the first time. He then proceeded to climb out 100+ times over the course of 3 hours, so we decided it would be safer to convert his cot into a bed the following day.

Based on the advice we've seen around, we've been taking him back to his bed every time he gets up without any reaction, but he still just keeps on getting up. Last night was night #2 in his bed - it took 3 hours to settle him at bedtime, then another 2hours at 2am, then up again at 4:30, then 5:30 at which point he fell asleep on the landing until nearly 7!

We're all exhausted. I'm worried we're not doing the right thing, as he's been getting so upset and I don't want to run our family into the ground if it's not going to work, but equally don't want to create any new unwanted sleep dependencies if we have to stay in his room, shush him to sleep etc.
He was previously a pretty good sleeper, in that he would often sleep through from about 7 - 6:30am. We've had the same consistent bedtime routine since he was 12 weeks, so no changes there (bath, story, lights out, song and a cuddle, leave the room).

Any advice, or even just anyone who has had the same experience?

I would say, make sure that upstairs is safe if he gets out of bed. With Ds1 he would wake in the morning and shout for us, with Ds2 he got out of bed a few times but we put a child gate on his door.

My advice is, accept that this make take a few nights. If you want to work in shifts with your partner/Dh. Keep returning, first time tell him back to bed, second time, bed, third and subsequent times no eye contact, no talking, no cajoling. Make it boring as hell.

If it helps, sticker chart or reward chart. You can divide this into going to bed, staying in bed for first half of night, second half and waking up in his bed if you need to reinforce separate aspects.

But if he keeps getting up, don't go downstairs, sit on the landing out of sight, have your phone with you so you are at least entertained. That way you are not going up and down stairs all freaking night. Good luck.

I'm worried we're not doing the right thing, as he's been getting so upset and I don't want to run our family into the ground if it's not going to work

Honestly, I think you are doing the wrong thing. Two is too young for a bed, toddlers get a lot of security from the enclosed cot sides and you've removed that secure feeling that helps toddlers relax. I'd put the cot sides on.

Climbing out of the cot isn't a reason to move to a bed. It is not a sign toddler is ready for a bed, it's a behaviour issue. Being ready for a bed needs emotional intelligence most two year olds aren't likely to have - to do with emotional regulation to stay put in bed, the reasoning needed to do that, and not having that enclosed safe/secure cocooned feeling of the cot.

All you've done by moving to a bed is move the behaviour issue you have in the cot, to the same behaviour issue in a bed. Only it's a million times harder to deal with (the same) issue when in a bed compared to a cot.

So the climbing - not unusual. What you need to do is set some behaviour boundaries that this is not acceptable behaviour, toddler must not do it and you will not tolerate it happening, ever.

So you start putting child in the cot and hovering by the door. Any move to climb out gets a very return NO and you tell child to lie back down. If you miss the attempt to stand up and climb out (hopefully you don't because you're watching), you immediately return to the cot and lie back down. Really you want to not allow even standing up. I use sounds like "Ay" with a Mummy Stare as a warning.

He's pushing boundaries from the cot. Don't lose the cot, just establish good boundaries of behaviour expectations.

We moved my son to a bed at about 20 months, he was totally fine.
I let him explore a bit when he got out then kept walking him back, some nights it was horrendous, some it wasn't.
My tried it with my DD when she just turned 2 and it was exactly the same thing, she was horrendous! In the end we went back to the cot and for us that was the right choice. We tried again at 2.5 and she's just totally got it, never got out, goes to bed etc etc.
I would stick with it for a couple of weeks, I appreciate it's seriously hard with the lack of sleep, but if you can crack it that would be great.

Thank you for sharing your experiences. Last night definitely went better - he took an hour to settle at bedtime, then slept all the way through until 4am when it took another hour, but he then slept 5-7am.

We've added a guard rail to his cotbed today to help with that feeling of security whilst actually keeping him safe (it really was no longer safe to keep him in his cot @FATEdestiny, he had already climbed out over 100 times out of the blue on saturday night and there was nothing to stop him doing it in the middle of the night when we were asleep and couldn't physically be there to tell him 'no') so we'll see whether that helps at all.
As I write this we're already at the hour and a half mark of trying to settle for bedtime but he's not having any of it sigh
Although at least he's no longer getting upset, he just sees it as one big game! (despite us keeping interactions boring as possible)