3.5 year old said “I don’t love you anymore” before going to sleep.

[blueglassandfreesias]

My DD (very good vocabulary) was snuggling down to sleep when she said “ I don’t love you anymore because you got cross with me for spilling the glitter today”
I didn’t raise my voice or punish her in any way. I just said that I had asked her not to tip the glitter all over her bed and that she would now need to help me tidy it all up.
Later on she said sorry about it of her own volition. I praised her for this and it was all sorted.

5 hours later as she was going to sleep she declared that it had not been a good day (we went pond dipping and had ice cream from the local ice cream parlour and she scooted into town, so I think it was a lovely day!)
Should I be worried that she’s coming out with stuff like this?
😢

Aww no need to worry! It’s great that she’s so articulate at such a young age but she has no idea the impact of her words.

Very common at this age unfortunately!

I wouldn't worry. Mine have come out with similar, it's just processing emotions.

How about replying ‘I’m really sorry to hear that, but I love you enough for both of us’

Maybe a talk about how some days don’t go quite the way we want them to? I’d be quite pleased my 3 year old felt secure enough to tell me how they felt.

I wouldn't worry. My lo is 4 and he'll often say he's had a bad day because of one single bad thing that's happened. I just remind him of all the other lovely things we've done and ask him again 'are you sure you've had a bad day?' And he'll often concede that it was actually pretty good. If he doesn't, I tell him that it always better to focus on the good things rather than the bad because it makes us feel happier.

As for your daughter saying she doesn't love you anymore because you got cross. What she really means is that she didn't like being told off but is still a little young to articulate it like that. If my lo said that to me, I'd just say something like 'I know you don't like it when mummy gets cross but it's all over with now and I'm not cross anymore and I love you' and then just leave it.

I think it's normal though, little incidences to a small child can feel pretty big and evoke big feelings that can dominate how they feel about the day.

Mine said she loves the dog more. And she’s old enough to know better.
Take no notice.

My DS6 comes out with this one in a while, it started when he was about 3. It’s like water off a ducks back now I just give him a hug and reply I still love you very much.
He tends to do this when he knows we will be apart for a while, like the Monday back to school or if he has had a bad day, almost like he is pushing me away to make the “pain” of when I am not there less.

It's pretty optimal at that age. My 4yo (almost 5) told me I don't understand him yesterday, because I said he couldn't use the iPad. I also regularly get told I'm the worst Mum in the world by one of them, usually because I've said no to chocolate/sweets

Optimal I meant normal. I can't remember the last time I wrote/typed the word optimal so not quite sure how it made it in there

Thanks for your reassuring words.

I just replied saying that I still love her then she just reiterated that she doesn’t love me and nodded off to sleep!

It’s strange because I realised in that moment that I will always love her wholeheartedly even if she says hurtful things, she’ll always be the human that I care about most in this life.

Parenting isn’t for the feint of heart is it!?

I often get this from the DC. Also, ‘you aren’t my best friend ANY MORE!’ and ‘you can’t come to my party.’
I tell them that that’s too bad because I love them and they are stuck with me till they are 18 and maybe even longer if they don’t make lots of money quickly!
DH gets really upset about it but I always tell him it’s because they love us and feel secure that they can say that. Your DD is secure in her attachment to you OP. Don’t worry.

Absolutely normal. Wait until she’s a teenager.

Mine called me an 'ugly old troll' and 'worse than the Dursleys'. I'm still not sure I'll ever recover!

I tease when I get things like that- you don't love me anymore? That must be because I made those yummy pancakes for breakfast!

Totally normal and no, parenting is not for the faint hearted at all!

My dd has told me she loves daddy the best because he never leaves her at nursery. I told her no he doesn't ever leave you at nursery because he's already at work when I go to work.

She told me I wasn't allowed to live in our house any more because I wouldn't let her jump in puddles, in the middle of the road.

She told my mum she didn't want her to visit again (pre lockdown) when my mum objected to dd poking her in the eye.

There are probably many, many more that I've forgotten [blocked out]!

Hurtful, but just because they have a good vocabulary doesn't mean they understand the real meaning of what they are saying. It's their way of making a strong statement of disapproval that's all.

I agree that it's a sign they feel safe and secure. I just say "Really? Well I love you very much" and don't take it to heart.

Tomorrow you will probably be "best mummy ever" or something very similar They are little horrors sometimes, aren't they?!

A couple of weeks ago my four year old girl shouted at me that I had ruined her life. And she was stomping around yesterday saying she was having a bad bad BAD day, this was because she couldn’t deal with the fact that the apple she wanted to eat was going to take away the taste of the chocolate biscuit she had just eaten! She went on to shout that she hoped all her family had nosebleeds. The insults are definitely getting more inventive. Doesn’t stop it being hurtful when they tell you they don’t love you / will always be cross with you / hate you etc but as a PP said they really don’t understand the meaning of what they’re saying. It sounds like you handled it well and she is just rehearsing her memory of what happened earlier when she was told off.

That must be really upsetting.

I can honestly remember being about 4/5 years old and I told my mum I don’t love her...I don’t even know why I said it!! Don’t worry of course she loves you you’re her whole world!! Kids just say things like this unfortunately xxx

I obviously didn’t mean it either, should have said!

Just wait for the shit they come out with as teenagers. I think I ruined all of mine’s lives on a daily basis as they went through teenage years. Hilarious thing is that my older ones who are out the other side now look at the youngest still going through this and tut-tut at them, marvel at their self-centredness and so on. Hilarious and such short memories!

Seriously, I wouldn’t give this a second thought. I don’t think it’s processing of emotions at all. It’s a form of manipulation and seeing how you will react. I would just say ‘okay, well I still love you, goodnight!’ Said a nice cheery voice. That will be the end if it.

It’s strange because I realised in that moment that I will always love her wholeheartedly even if she says hurtful things, she’ll always be the human that I care about most in this life.

Which is basically what I used to say (at 9 she's briefly grown out of hating me). I say things like, "I have to love you, you don't have to love me" or "I'll always love you regardless" or "I love you anyway" from one of her books.

Now I'm the best mummy in the world. Roll on the second wave in the teenage years.