6 week old baby can't be put down

[sunshineandsea]

My DD is just over 6 weeks and since birth we've never been able to get her to sleep on her own. I think we've managed to put her down in the carrycot in the day maybe 4 or 5 times, although not recently, and never in her next to me at night. She can be fast asleep and contented but as soon as we put her down on her own she wakes up within minutes and starts crying and has to be settled again. The only position she's really contented in is on her front on someone's chest, in the sling, or at night she does now sleep right next to me in bed sometimes. We have tried swaddling, white noise, hot water bottle before putting her down, ollie the owl, dummy, rocking in the pram, bouncy chair, carry cot, next to me crib... nothing works!

Whilst I like the cuddles and I don't mind co sleeping for a while, I don't find it very comfortable and don't really want to be doing it all night every night long term! Especially when we can visit family again as it's not going to be practical or safe to co sleep in the bed at my parents house for example. And it would be handy to be able to put her down in the day for naps.

I've had quite a few comments about 'making a rod for your own back' which is obviously super helpful and makes me think I should be doing more - but it's literally impossible! And other people just seem to be able to put their babies down?! I get that she's tiny and wants to be near us, which is totally fine and lovely for now, I just don't want to be doing it forever! Does anyone have any advice on how we can encourage her to sleep on her own? Is this something she will grow out of as she gets older and I don't need to worry?

I remember my midwife saying don't even bother trying until they are at least six weeks old. This was 20 years ago though so advice may be different now. There is that thing about the baby not realising for some time that they are a separate entity - can't think what it's called. He gets off to sleep quite well on his own now. There will be another thing to worry about once you've cracked this - just enjoy it if you can.

Sounds like my DD when she was born! Babies like the comfort and security of being close to their parents - mine used to grunt a lot when put on her back and would do exactly the same as yours, cry as soon as we put her down even though she would be fast asleep. She soon grew out of this and now self soothes or we just put white noise on for her. I think most babies go through phases like this at the beginning. Stick at it and enjoy the cuddles, hopefully she will grow out of it. X

Oh it's totally normal. Google the 4th trimester. It passes eventually

When you put her down/in the buggy/bouncy chair and she cries how long do you persevere with the rocking etc. before picking her up again?

You need to try putting her down, quiet, but awake and then persevering with comforting her to sleep but while she's in the cot/Moses basket. So you can lean right in, even hold the moses basket like it's a baby, stroke her tummu/face, speak to her softly/sing, kiss her face/head, hold her hand etc. But don't pick her up.

It can also help of she can smell you so can try keeping a muslin/cot sheet on your person and then putting it in the bed with her when she goes down.

This is every baby on the planet. It’s an evolutionary survival trick, if they are with you then they are safe. It’s fucking hard though and even when you know about it it’s a massive shock to first time parents. Cuddles are also essential for your child’s birth development and it helps to regulate their heart beat and temperature.

She will eventually grow out of it but it takes some babies longer than others.

A sleepyhead can also be great although they are quite pricey!

Google The Fourth Trimester. It won't change anything except will reassure you this is normal and your instincts are right.
Both if mine grew out of it without much intervention.

You cannot spoil a newborn baby, so ignore all the 'rods and backs' comments. What you describe is totally normal newborn behaviour. It will change but you are still very much in survival mode. Any sleep is good at this point, so just keep on with what you're doing for now.

Someone more knowledgeable might come along soon, but imo the more you accept things the way they are (for now), the easier it will feel.

Personally, I found 8 weeks a turning point for sleep. Before that there was a lot of sitting propped up in bed with a baby on my chest (I was awake, before anyone points out how dangerous that is!).

She's only 6w.
That's teensy tiny.
All she knows is you.
It is a hard hard phase (I've done it twice!)
But it does not last forever.
You've got this.
Soon she'll be 3, with opinions of her own and you will remember the days of lovely sleepy cuddles.
X

Sorry I should have said, she is 11 weeks now!

I despise the phrase 'enjoy the cuddles'. If someone is posting on here help with their newborns sleep they are not enjoying the cuddles. The phrase is so damaging to parents who are struggling because they think they SHOULD be 'enjoying the cuddles' when they're not, and that in turn makes them feel like a crap parent. ARGH. Rant over.

OP, it sounds like your newborn is just being a newborn, which probably isnt what you want to hear right now. You wont make a rod for your own back, at the moment your baby needs comfort and thats what you're giving her. Its ok if you dont 'enjoy the cuddles' all the time, its super frustrating when you're pinned under a baby. Co-sleeping is also really common, a load of people do it.

Given that any method for putting baby down and settling takes a couple of weeks of perseverance to be habit forming - you cannot possibly have tried everything with enough persistence.

In this newborn stage (the fourth trimester) baby likes:
● feeling tight and enclosed... mimicking the womb
● Swaying motion... mimicking the womb
● Having a full tummy... was never hungry in the womb
● Sucking... mimicking feeding
● Going to sleep where baby went to sleep, not being moved after falling asleep... mimicking the womb.

Ways to achieve these in an independent way (that relies less on you)
● swaddle
● bouncy chair / pram
● Feed very frequently, at first cry
● Dummy. A million times - use a dummy! They are ace for no-crying sleep
● Go to sleep in bouncer/pram with dummy and stay there.

Other ways to achieve the same, but in an dependent way (that relies on you for the sleep
● holding, sling or cosleep for sleeps
● rock in your arms
● Feed frequently
● Feed baby to sleep
● Baby sleeps in your arms after feed

It’s totally normal and yes she will grow out of it :).

I was to exhausted and frankly didn’t want to persevere with any sort of method, i just went with it.

Got nothing done while dh was at work. As soon as he got in baby was dumped on him to bath, and get ready for bed, while I got a shower, sorted dinner, ate, and just generally moved around for a bit.

Tips to cope: just go with it if that’s easiest.
Do you have a carrycot? I’d feed mine, put her in the carrycot and go for a walk. She’d fall asleep, i’d get a change of environment, and sometimes she’d stay asleep when I got in long enough for a cup of tea. I would use a blanket or two rather than a coat, then I could whip them off without disturbing her if we were inside.

Do what gets you through :)

I also second the recommendation for a Sleepyhead. Game changer!

OP, I feel you, my DD was exactly the same! Plus she was waking every hour and generally very fussy during the day so it was so hard!

Sleepyhead helped us a lot. I would usually feed her until she's in deep sleep (do the floppy baby test), then gently transfer her in a warm sleepyhead, feet first. Sometimes she would wake up and I'd have to do it again :/ so we did co sleep a lot too, but i did persevere putting her in the sleepyhead so she gets used to it.

Things changed for us after week 12 roughly (she's now 20 weeks). Since then she's been happy in the next to me at night. She only started to nap by herself around week 15 but even now it's a bit hit and miss. So hang on in there, it will change! One day these things will just become easier.

Look up Purflo Nest - same as a sleepyhead but way cheaper

Thank you so much for your replies! This has helped reassure me and given me some more ideas of things to try :)