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SAHP for 2 years before next baby? Feel lost.

5 replies

Alyssum34456 · 07/06/2020 09:43

I'm not really sure what to do. Have a 7 month old ds who I love. Really don't like my old job (won't bore you with the issues but they are also very inflexible and would be difficult to go back to anwyay- we moved out of the city to countryside when pregnant with ds). We don't need my salary for mortgage or anything. We are lucky with dh job, although I like my independence and my own money as a general rule. My plan was not to go back to my job but get something more local and part time. I also thought we'd have the next baby quite soon so I'd have a couple of hectic years out with babies then find something interesting work wise when the youngest is about 2.

However, without going into too much detail, dh now has a great work opportunity which is intense new project for the next two years. He desperately wants to do it and with the whole covid situation it would be good to make sure his job and earning potential is better than ever. I agree with this. But this means he doesn't want another newborn until summer 2022. Tbh with covid and me having a emcs probably best to wait until then anyway.

But it also means I do have SO LONG at home and I feel a bit stuck :( I'm so broody despite all this and yet have 15 months before we can even ttc again. I want another baby especially as lockdown is so dull and I feel it would be nice to do all the hectic years first.

I also want to keep busy and intellectually stimulated to keep my mind off things, but it's so tough with ds not sure how I can.
I don't know how I'll manage to find a new p/t job with covid and I don't know about childcare either. Don't want to make this a covid thread but really not keen about putting him in nursery with covid and general worries about him. Really it makes a lot of sense for me to SAHP and the idea of my old job feels me with dread, but not sure I would cope mentally?

How do you decide and keep sane if you do? Especially as covid isn't going far!

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Alyssum34456 · 07/06/2020 09:45

And how on earth do I distract myself from wanting a baby when my day revolved around playing with ds, cleaning, naps, cooking food, an occasional walk. 😑

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notheragain4 · 07/06/2020 09:48

How do you distract yourself from wanting another baby? Spend time with your current baby!! 2 years is a very normal and healthy gap, it's more out of the ordinary to have babies back to back. You are going to have your hands full enough, stop pining for what's coming next and enjoy what you have now. Your son needs you, he's not off to university yet!

Alyssum34456 · 07/06/2020 11:13

I get the logic here, but doesn't change how I feel! I know it sounds ridiculous.

I don't know how to decide on SAHP issue though.

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jlr1986 · 07/06/2020 13:29

Hello! How long did you plan on taking maternity leave for? I'm sure if it's a year then covid (fingers crossed will be long gone) and things such as childcare are getting back to normal pretty quickly. Why dont you look into getting another job and putting baby into childcare? After a couple of years (most companies you would be entitled to maternity pay) and you maybe could have helped your career? Or what about a course online/ evening course at uni or college? I'm in a similar boat to you (apart from I have had to go back to work), its not what I want to do but really want another baby! So I'm sticking it out for now (plus you may find juggling full time work and a baby) its actually quite different and changes your perspective a lot (I find I can cope a lot more now with the down sides of work!). I'm going to study part time to keep myself motivated and give something back for me!

peajotter · 07/06/2020 21:32

Volunteering kept me sane between babies. It’s great because it’s easier to say “no”, (depending on the guilt you put on yourself) and choose your own hours.

I help run a parent and toddler group at our local church, which is easy to do with a baby in tow. I also do some volunteering things with adults and teens in the evenings and weekends, which involve prep during the week. I could do the prep when baby napped and then dh took a shift while I did my presentation or ran a class etc.

Not all of these are possible with social distancing but I’m sure there are things you could get involved with. Or start a craft or project that you could sell on Etsy? Run online classes for free for local teens who are bored? These things would keep you busy and help with contacts and skills for when you return to paid employment.

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