Telling the kids

[iamtheoneandonlyyy]

Kids and I will be returning from refuge to our own home soon. Their dad has agreed to be gone before we get there.
He's still going to be in their lives regularly and that is all fine.
They think we have just had a holiday of sorts.
I have to tell them that when we go home it will just be us... I don't know when to do it, what to say, I'm sick to my stomach over it. Whatever has happened with him they have a very good bond and that's a good thing.
Can anyone help with when to bring it up? What to say?
They are 5 and 3. They will definitely be aware it's all different

No personal experience, but have known others that have.

Having seen their scenarios, I would suggest that it's best for you to mention that you're going back to your house. Have them prepared for that, but I'd let them get home and then when it arises I would then share the fsct that the father won't be coming home, probably in all honesty, when they raise it. Unless your children have been raising the father issue whilst "away", on a frequent basis, as in multiple times a day, they may well have "adjusted" to it being the 3 of you. So I wouldn't add in "extra" potential upset by preempting this.

I do see your point but we haven't been away for very long. It's been a highly emotional time and I don't want to confuse them further. I think that they would expect to go home and daddy be there

Personally and it is only my opinion, if they're not asking for him, I wouldn't mention until the last possible point as its like drawing out the anguish for longer. I would take the rip the plaster off quick approach over lifting one corner knowing the rest still has to follow later...

Maybe post in relationships too. There are many people on there (unfortunately) that have been in similar situations. You should be able to get some really useful advice there too.

I'd be honest and stick to the facts.
Daddy will not be living here any more but you will go see daddy at his house/at grannys/insert appropriate answer here. We both love you loads but dont love each other any more so it's best for us to live in different places.
They will have lots of questions but I'd answer honestly for their ages. They will get used to the new situation. Kids are resilient but will need your support adjusting. They might be fine for weeks or months and then have trouble down the line.

Good luck op

How did it go @iamtheoneandonlyyy?

Well, @SnowdropFox I'm so proud of these kids. They took it so well (so far). I know it will be subject to change but I'm happy with how they took it.
Kept it simple, nice and calm.

I think I'd tell them straight away.
I'd say that you were going to be going home and that Dad will not be there, that their Dad is going to be seeing be them X days but he'll be living at Y as it's closer to Granny/ work/ whatever is applicable and that everyone is happy.
Postponing telling them is only making this harder for you and it isn't softening the blow waiting until you pull up at your front door. Imo it will be more of a shock for them.
Tell them now to give them time to process it and ask you questions.
Am sure you'll be surprised at their resilience.

Sorry, my reply is a bit late

That's great @iamtheoneandonlyyy! I imagine it'll take a while to sink in, and the probably cry for him especially when you tell them off for something. Lots of hugs to you, well done!