5.5 month old always alert/easily bored. I'm so tired.

[ReySky]

Just need a rant and to see if anyone has any advice as I'm at end of tether.

DS is 5.5 months old. Love him to bits. Not sure if relevant but the birth was difficult, well not difficult so much as disappointing. Planned a lovely water birth and ended up with an EMCS after 24 hours in labour. Didn't get skin to skin and then had overbearing visitors from the day after he was born.

He is EBF. Had a posterior tongue tie which went undiscovered for 9 weeks and this caused latch issues on one side and caused him to swallow air and have reflux, however since having the tongue tie corrected, this has been rectified.

The word people have always used to describe DS is "alert" and I'm forever being told he seems like a 1-year old etc. He started rolling over at 12 weeks and crawling at 14 weeks, and sadly he started teething at 8 weeks too. He has just started on purees, by which I mean a lick of a spoon of puree each day, after he swiped a banana off me and tried taking a big bite out of it, and with the support of Health Visitor as he sits unaided and is hugely interested in food, very active etc.

He does not like staying still. He wriggles constantly. Cuddles are impossible. Sleep is a nightmare and he still wakes every 1-2 hours for feeds through the night (we co-sleep). Trying to get him to nap in the day is virtually impossible. I can feed him to sleep for a short morning nap but I spend endless hours rocking, shushing, walking with pram, or my DH drives us in the car, with little to no success. He started rejecting dummy a couple of months ago which is good in one way but a shame in another as it was a useful sleep aid. Have tried a cot mobile, two different light projector things and that Fisher Price seahorse that plays calming music and glows. All of the above seem to wake him up more, as does the white noise app I have and the teddy I have with a recording of his heartbeat in. I know every baby is different and it's important not to make comparisons, but my friend had a baby not long after me and she sleeps through and takes lots of naps, and it's hard not to feel envious when I'm so sleep deprived. He just fights sleep so relentlessly.

He has never taken to slings or carriers despite spending a fortune trying various brands / styles. I cannot get anything done in the day as apart from the odd 10 minutes in the Jumperoo, he gets bored and cries when put down on play mat or in his cot with his mobile. Have tried making him a treasure basket with various sensory bits and bobs, books (he wriggles and starts crying when try to read to him and shuts book), Baby Einstein toys. He loves tummy time but doesn't want to be left alone on his tummy time mat. He just wants to be carried constantly, so I carry him from window to window, into the garden, chatting to him etc. I dread nappy changes now as he just rolls away and crawls off, it takes me over half an hour to do a change and that's just for a wet nappy. He enjoys playing peekaboo but gets bored of that after a couple of minutes.

DH is being unfurloughed and returning to work Monday. I don't get to eat much as it is but will not be able to eat at all when I'm on my own with DS all day as he wants to be carried and entertained all the time. I have not been able to shower today and the house is permanently an absolute state, and I mean a state, not just a bit untidy. I know standards have to drop when you have a baby but this is ridiculous. I don't get time to sit and have a cup of tea and probably manage 20 minutes of TV a week now, if that. I'm absolutely exhausted. Have not slept for more than 2 hours since before he was born. Have tried expressing so DH can give him a bottle but can hardly express anything anymore, presumably because supply is established.

I dread leaving house and get palpitations beforehand as I know he will start playing up and have to be carried. I can't plan anything.

Just don't know what to do, am so tired and would appreciate any suggestions on anything that might improve the situation. Thank you and apologies for the long post.

I'm sorry you're having a hard time.

I may be way off the mark but with naps it sounds as though you may have tried too many things at once, rather than just sticking to one self settling training routine. Have you tried any of the sleep books? I found a few helpful.

With getting yourself some food, sometimes babies just have to be left to cry for 5 minutes. Others may disagree but I think that responding to every whinge just encourages more whinging. Of course you can't leave your baby to be upset, but if he whinges for a bit whilst your sorting yourself out what's the harm.

If you can't express, can your DH not give him formula to give you a bit of a break?

DS1 was like this. His alertness was even commented on by the GP at his eight week check. I was mentally exhausted. Stopped bf, got him on a bottle and he started sleeping through at 4 months. We never ever co-slept as psychologically I needed that space. Wasn't afraid to leave him to cry and whinge a bit either.
I went back to work pt very shortly after and he went to nursery pt. That saved me tbh. Worth every penny.
He's now 17 and it did get easier. He's incredibly bright and hopefully off to uni next year.

Aww OP, I feel your pain. My DD used to be the same, very active since birth and wanting to be constantly entertained/carried. It was exhausting.
BUT she slept really well after we established a good routine. I wanted to be one of those cool go with the flow mums, but she was having none of it. Once she was on a predictable schedule for naps and feeds she was a much happier baby, and whilst she still demanded (still does tbh) attention constantly, I could count on her naps and night time to get a break.
I know most mums her on Mumsnet are against any kind of schedule or sleep training, but you can't keep going like this, you'll get depressed. I never let my wee one cry it out, but I made it a point to shush her/pat her/comfort her on her crib, and with patience it took less and less time every time for her to go down.
Also, isn't your little one happy to follow you around if you need to do chores around the house? I found that when my DD started crawling she would come with me and I could get away with maybe 10 mins of doing odd bits.

Oh God yes, I had one of these. DS got steadily better and happier as he got better at communicating and moving around. I'm convinced he just hated being a baby. (He's 8 now and still has an extremely busy mind, but at least now I can relax.)

Don't judge me, but have you tried TV? At that age DS liked really noisy, manic TV (whilst being rocked vigorously). Yes it's not ideal, but you do what you can to survive!

Wanting to be carried all off the time and not being willing to be put down to play - you're taking these as signs of boredom. If I had these same signs I would take them as signs of tiredness.

Not just tiredness, over tired. Probably very, very over tired.

It is not unusual that after solving sleep issues that patents describe their child as a completely different baby. If I was to indulge in a little armchair psychology, it's easier to think to oneself "I have an overly alert baby who needs to be held and simulated in order to not cry" because that causes less of a feeling of failure than "my baby cries when not held because I can't get him to have enough sleep". (It's not a failure btw, and mum guilt helps no one).

I'd move your focus on helping your baby learn better sleep habits.

What are his sleep times/nap times OP? I agree with a PP that he may be overtired. My DC woke at 6 (or earlier) and was back down for a nap by 9am latest at that age.

Have you tried a really dark room and no stimulation before sleep? What sort of wind down routine do you have?

Crikey it's hard. My dd was like that. Nothing made her happy. Wouldn't sit in a baby chair, wouldn't play with toys or lie on a play mat. She just wanted face to face interaction. She was smirking at me and making eye contact a few weeks after she was born. Totally on the ball. She was much happier when she started walking but that obviously had its own trials. It's just a process. She got interested in watching tv when she was about 18 months and that gave me some peace. It was long and tiring process but it got gradually easier and she was an absolute joy from around 2. She's pretty darn bright as well

My DH used to make me a packed lunch every evening for the next day, so that I didn't have to find time to make lunch and then more time to eat it. Perhaps this could be an option to at least help you eat something during the day? He would prepare a couple of sandwiches (including a round of choc spread ones ) , a chopped apple (I found it easier to eat this way, tossed in lemon juice to stop it going brown), grapes (washed and taken off the stalk so minimal effort for me), handful of nuts, yoghurt, little cubes of cheese, small choc bar etc. It was so good to know that when I felt hungry I only had to open the fridge door and get my 'lunch box' out and didn't have to spend time preparing anything.

Could you also do some overnight oats the evening before so they are ready to go for breakfast?

My DS has also always been very alert and was picked up and commented on from a few weeks. Guarantee he used to fall asleep on a bottle but he doesn't now. It's hard to even get milk down him. He's 11 months now. Luckily he'll nap in his pram when we're out or in the car seat. We've always massaged moisturiser on DS after bath time and it really relaxes him. Second the TV option. I sometimes have to rock DS with my back to the tv and him facing it just to get him to sleep.

My granddaughter is nearly 6 months and is very alert and dare I say it rather needy !! Her Mummy is a single parent . She has had to be very firm about naps and sleep at night for her own sanity. Because of lockdown baby has been taken out in pram for decent naps ...they have been living with us so five adults to help out . Now lockdown has been eased she is now in her own flat but baby has to wait for mummy to have a shower first before the day begins. It’s really tough but you need to look after yourself before you can be an effective mummy. Peppa pig is actually a great friend just to keep you sane and baby occupied whilst you look after yourself ...it really does make sense !

Hi OP, I wrote a similar post about my alert baby.

I followed the guidance in this book and it helped enormously.

www.amazon.co.uk/Your-Sleepless-Baby-Rescue-Guide-ebook/dp/B00B5D0CU4

I had one of these too, and I know it's not what you want to hear but it just took time. She would only sleep when I walked her, so I did, for up to 2 hours every day. Rain or shine. It meant I never did anything in the house, or ate proper food, but I listened to a ton of podcasts and got really fit. I now have a lovely 5 year old who will happily entertain herself.

My advice- force yourself to go out everyday, it always helps, even if he (or you) are crying, it will get easier.

Don't worry about the house- no one remembers clean houses. Get your husband to take baby out at the weekend and crank up some music and blitz the house.

Introduce some formula so you DH can do a night over the weekend and you can catch up on sleep.

Hold on in there, it gets better!

I also agree with PP he seems over tired. DS was as you describe and never napped for very long until I bought a him a swing. At 6 months old he would got for a 1.5hour nap roughly 2 hours after he woke up. Then another about 3 hours after he woke up. Once he started napping well during the day he was much happier and slept better during the night too.

OP that sounds so hard. I have a baby of a similar age and it’s hard work even though she sounds a lot less alert (makes no effort to roll or sit up yet happy to just gabble and swipe at her play mat).

I agree he’s probably overtired. Lots of parents (including me with my first) think their child doesn’t need lots of sleep or isn’t tired when they fight it but often the opposite is true. My DC could go down for a nap every 1.5 hours if I let them (I try to stretch to 2 hours) and would sleep 5 hours in the day (She’s not perfect she sleeps 7-5am with a dream feed and early morning feed and the early wakes ups are knackering) but she goes to bed well and naps well.

My advice would be:

Encourage more regular naps and see if there are any signs of overtiredness (vacant expression, looking away etc). Even if doesn’t seem tired put him down for a nap regularly. We use a heartbeat owl, dummy and often swaddle (although that’s probs not a good idea as yours rolls!). Be consistent- at least a week of your chosen method.

As a second time parent- leave him to cry if needed! As in to make some food, cup of tea, finish a shower, put a wash on. My toddler often demands attention or will be in some ridiculous situation needed urgent attention and sadly the baby just had to cry some times and doesn’t seem in any way negatively affected by this. Likewise I have a rule that if a task takes less than 5 mins (e.g Changing sheets, unloading dishwasher) as long as they are settled when I start I always finish the job. Otherwise the house is littered with unfinished tasks (I remember it well with my first) and actually they can wait.

Sending well wishes though it’s hard! Sounds like he’s going to be a bright boy :)

I feel your pain completely! My DD was the same and still is at 14 months. I spent ages wondering what I was doing wrong as I could never ever establish a nap or feeding routine - every day was different and a total battle to get her to nap, she only ever slept ON me day and night and didn’t sleep through until about a month ago and by sleep through I mean wakes at 4am every day ready to start the day!
It’s hard work, everything you describe personality wise I can relate to. Look up high needs babies on google, it helped me cope.
I’m sorry you’re finding it hard, it is so hard but just have faith it won’t be this way forever there will be a time where your baby will be able to concentrate for longer and busy their self!
Good luck OP, you have a hand hold from me.

My 6.5mo is similar (but thankfully not as active!). It is exhausting. He screams the second I'm out of the room. He also screams blue murder when in the car. He will never fall asleep in the buggy, only when being rocked or nursed.
He needs to be kept constantly entertained and gets bored so quickly. TV does not interest him, books last 3-4 minutes, most toys frustrate him, his Jumperoo gives us maybe 10 minutes in the morning.
I have heard from a lot of mums that it is a phase they go through when the can't communicate or get about properly so they are basically annoyed a lot of the time. They swear to gets better by 7 or 8 months so I have my fingers and toes crossed! For now, I'm trying hard to establish a nap and sleep routine (never awake for more than 3 hours, asleep by 7.30pm) and to enjoy the cuddles when he's not head butting me, fish hooking my mouth or pulling my hair!

@Sultanainasalad I can relate to that. I used to pack a bag for the whole day and leave at 9 and come back at 5. I walked miles and miles but I couldn't stand the whinging. Lost all my baby weight on the upside despite the numerous stop offs at cafes and coffee shops

OP, the only thing I can say is that you must establish a sleep routine. We sleep trained DS at 14 weeks (which everyone will lambast me for, but it worked for us). Until that point, he had woken every single night since the day he was born between every 30-60 minutes. I'd not slept more than an hour at a time for over 3 months and he would only ever sleep on me / someone else during the day. Not the buggy/car/sling. It was nurse to nap / sleep or he wouldn't sleep. I was losing my mind and decided enough was enough. Day 1 of sleep training he had 3 solid naps and only woke twice that night for feeding. After a month he was napping consistently for 1h morning / 3 hours at lunch / 1 hour afternoon, and had 1 night feed at 11pm then slept until 7:30am. I had my life back and finally felt like I could understand why people actually had kids. I finally understood how it could be enjoyable.

It sounds like your DS is overtired and therefore overstimulated. What you're reading as "alert" is actually "severely overtired and really f*cking grumpy because of it"

There's plenty of gentle sleep training methods, you just have to find one you like the look of and stick to it. We followed blissful baby expert but I've heard great things about Lucy Woolfe. Don't delay if, start tomorrow and never look back.

@chubbyhotchoc and Op it was torturous at the time. She 'made' me sing to her the whole time she was awake in the buggy. When I had my second I was and still am amazed that she would sit happily in a buggy or cot. I thought that was a myth about babies.

I'm not sure if this helps or is just annoying, but when I found myself getting low, and out of energy I would give myself a good talking too, saying that I am going to have to do this, this is the baby she is, I can do it while moaning but I will still have to do it, or try to enjoy it. Not easy but it worked for me (still does), but tell me to get lost if it's bad advice.

It will get better.

@Sultanainasalad yep torturous my mum used to laugh at me and say I was off on one of my route marches but you do what you have to to get through it psychologically. I remember taking her to a messy play group when she was 2 and there was another mother there with a boy same age as my dd but she also had a baby a few months old in a car seat. She was able to sit with her young son and play with him while the baby just sat wide awake but perfectly happy in her seat. I could never have done that in a million. It's just different personality types and nothing anyone is doing wrong. They are who they are.

Wanting to be carried all off the time and not being willing to be put down to play - you're taking these as signs of boredom. If I had these same signs I would take them as signs of tiredness.

This! My first I was like this and I remember reading somewhere on the Internet that a 5 months old average awake time is 2 hours and I thought it must be a typo. I had to carry him around all day long, I couldn't even sit down and hold him. It was exhausting. Looking back I think he was just overtired. Somewhere around 8 months I had enough and we sleep trained. My only regret is not doing it sooner. He was so much happier once he was getting enough sleep.

Also, my second is 3 months old and a great sleeper. Just saying that to prove that you haven't done anything wrong, some babies are just more stubborn than others!

Hi! DS wasn’t exactly the same because he would go to sleep but he was a cat napper until about 7/8 months so I only ever had 30 minutes at a time. I put him down every 2 hours ish at that age and as soon as he was down I’d boil the kettle, sit down, eat and rest before he woke up again.
I didn’t bother with anything else, including house work, this got done when DH got home or on a weekend.
DS absolutely hated anything in his room when he slept, so he goes in a pitch black room in total silence. Noise keeps him awake.
This isn’t great for napping on the go but I’d rather it was this way around.
I agree he’ll be overtired, it’s a vicious cycle.

Take a breath - it does get easier!!

Thanks so much everyone for your replies and suggestions. Most of them I read out to my husband last night as we went on our 4th drive of the day desperately trying to get DS to sleep. This morning has been a nightmare too, have spent an hour just now trying to get him to nap after he started to yawn and had bags under his eyes, but he just kicks, headbutts and scratches me when I try and rock him. He has finally fed to sleep on me. That's part of the problem I think, he will only nap on me.

I do try and get him down for a nap around every 2 hours and look for the tired cues, but most of the time I just can't get him to sleep. I feed him in the dark in complete silence (can't even snack when feeding as he will wake) and we have blackout blinds and curtains closed upstairs all the time but he just wants to roll around on the bed or cot and play constantly.

I must admit I have been reluctant to introduce formula. No judgement but I do really enjoy the breastfeeding and would like to hold on a bit longer before giving formula, but do understand that doing so would mean I could hand him over and catch a break more. At the moment the only time I get to myself is to play on my phone when he naps on my lap, so no time for food, cups of tea, tv etc. DH and I have not spent any time together since the day before DS was born. I will have a look at the book recommended above and do some research into gentle sleep training.

gentle sleep training

Things to try that would easily help:

● lie on your living room floor and breastfeed to sleep. Then roll away when asleep
● likewise feed to sleep on your bed (since you cosleep) and roll away if you can make the bed safe from falling off.
● reintroduce the dummy you stopped using. Dummies are an absolute godsend for no-crying gentle, but independent, sleep.