Can't put 2 week old down... delirious

[greystars11]

My 2 week old beautiful baby won't settle and I'm worried I'm going to end up with depression or something... I feel like a zombie. Last night I got one 40 minute stretch of sleep and one 30 minute stretch before DH had to give baby back, being mostly bottle fed now but just won't settle with him properly.
Also she seems to have painful gas (strains and cries before passing it, even though I wind loads) and sicks up little bits of milk a lot with lots of hiccups.
Could this be reflux? Is there anything I can do?
I'm so so beyond tired it's unreal and I am at my limit so any advice appreciated

Ready made formula made both of mine really gassy and uncomfortable, I'd just swap to powdered asap and see if that helps.

No reason your DH can't hold her for a few hours why you get some sleep, I'm sure he can manage that. My youngest spend her first 2 months sleeping on one of us. I think I got her in the Moses basket once tbh.

it will pass so quickly

when my second was born i did not mess about. DH was ousted and i slept (sleep) with the baby, lying down boob out, and am still very happy doing that at 5mo. he sleeps well, i sleep well, the whole house is still happy.

i did the same with my first (because he hated to be alone, understandably!) but i was wracked with guilt and anxiety over how i was going to get him into his own bed. well guess what! when he was ready (15 mo, probably could have gotten it done a bit earlier if i was more confident) he went into his own bed no problem at all and sleeps incredibly well now.

i wholeheartedly recommend safe bed sharing with your baby. DH needs to go elsewhere, no smoking or drinking etc etc. honestly i think it's barbarically cruel to expect a completely helpless baby to sleep alone and i now cherish my time snuggled up with the baby as i know in no time he'll be going into his own bed.

Ah OP, you’re doing great!

You’ve realised your dd is uncomfortable and you’re working out how to help her. Crap parents don’t look for help and guidance.

Your description of her wriggling and thrusting in discomfort sounds identical to my niece when she was the same age. My BIL would be pacing the floors with her in a sling as every night without fail she’d be screaming the place down. My sister knew that something wasn’t right and took her down to the doctor where he diagnosed reflux. Two weeks is often when it shows itself as they’re coming out of that really really sleepy period after the birth.

They prescribed Carobel and honestly she was like a different baby.

Can you call the doctor and see if you can arrange a phone appointment?

How are things this morning, OP? I hope you were able to get a bit of sleep?

OP you are as far from a crap mother as could be! You sound absolutely wonderful and caring.
I came here to check updates and read your new post.
Your baby sounds EXACTLY like my DS1. I emphasise so much. It was just so awful watching him in pain.
Looking back is easier, he's now a perfectly happy, healthy 2 year old with zero memory of his newborn troubles. At the time my mum said the same, I know it's so so hard but it's worse for you and baby really won't remember it.

For my DS he did eventually grow out of it as others have said. I'm not sure if it's the same with your DD, DS was breastfed and still sounds the same. He was never diagnosed with reflux although he wasn't being sick, just after crying going on for ages until he could pass wind.

Another thing I did that worked, lay him down on the bed/nappy change for nappy change and use a cotton wool ball with very warm (but obviously safe and comfortable) water and wipe it round his bum. Sounds weird but he used to just toot and toot and then feel much better. Might be worth a go.

I also bed shared, I'm not sure if it made any difference as I have nothing to compare with as also bedshare with current DC.
I think I did get more sleep, he slept in the crook of my arm. But you've said that's not an option which is fine. Do you have a next to me?

Just keep remembering, this too shall pass! Before you know it baby's gut will have matured and this will all be a memory.
The first few months are such a blur and so so difficult especially with a fussy baby but you WILL get through it and it will all get better I promise xxx

Ps - have you got your mum or MIL around/close by? Maybe one could come and take baby for a few hours. Even take baby to their house. I know it might not feel right but remember they've both raised at least one baby each x

Those first few weeks are hard; be kind to yourself. Have you tried infacol? That was a gamechanger with DD1.

DH stepped up last night and did a bit more so I got a couple of sleeps in, he is going to give her some feeds today for the first time too.
I posted another thread today as the midwife has recommended that I prop the baby on her side to sleep using a rolled up blanket or towel - really surprised by this and nervous to try it, I think it would likely work but everything says back to sleep!
Have been told to book a GP next week to ask about medicine etc. Poor baby was so unsettled this morning even in my arms with it.

Your baby is 2 weeks old and bottle fed and your DH, the baby's father, has never fed her before yet? Am I reading this right?!

Honestly, newborns are Hard Work and some are 'more difficult' than others, but nothing your describing about your baby sounds out of the ordinary to me - but your DH on the other hand...! Your issue here isn't the baby but your husband.

OP it is so hard having a newborn. Your DH needs to step up though!

I was really ill after my DS was born and the bonus of that was that my DH really had to look after the baby as I wasn’t capable. I did bf, but we also bottle fed so any bottle feeds DH took him away for a few hours at a time.

I do remember about a week in when I was more recovered him asking me questions and I said I don’t know anything more about babies just because I’m a woman. Yes I’m the only one that can breastfeed, but that’s the only difference here.

Your DH needs to take the baby for a decent amount of time so you can sleep. There’s no reason why you should get absolutely zero sleep and he gets a full 8 hours, especially with a formula fed baby. We did DH took them from 8pm ish til 11/12ish but he is a night owl anyway.

You say ‘mostly’ formula fed. Does that mean she has been breast fed and still is partially? If so I’d honestly look at upping breast feeds and practicing feeding lying down for night times, its been an absolute sanity saver for me being able to feed and doze even if it’s not a deep sleep. I’m not judging anyone for formula feeding but I’ve found it much easier to cope with the newborn stage with my 2 breastfed dc than the one who couldn’t latch on and was therefore bottle fed. If that’s not possible have you tried a dummy?

My DS5 was like this the first few weeks. What helped was the right bottles (for us it was mam anti colic bottles) the right formula (hipp organic combiotic for us) trying to settle him around after he had been awake an hour to an hour and a half, swaddling (actual lifesaver), dummy (he stopped it himself at 4 months old) and white noise, an app on my phone.

Something else to try - get some books (6 was the magic number for us) and pop them under the legs to her cot/Moses basket.
Sometimes being elevated/on an angle helped.

We used books as a stop gap until these arrived

I’m pretty sure during this stage with dd (now 10m) I just cried and gave her to dh.

OP, we had the same advice about putting dd on her side slightly. What I did was rolled up a little blanket and put it on the mattress, then put the fitted sheet over it so it was less likely to move. I put dd down with her back to the roll, so she was only at a slight angle. We also propped one end of the crib up as well. Funnily enough now dd can roll she tends to sleep on her front, or her side.

A lot of parenting is trial and error. But also giving things time to play out. I think sometimes we look for something that works immediately, and if it doesn't, then on to the next thing. But I find it better sometimes to make small changes and give them a few days before writing them off.

Glad to hear DH is moving in the right direction. Keep nudging him to do more, as many have said, hes equally capable as you are, and hes not recovering from a major health event.