Really struggling with sleep deprivation

[Crazydiamond106]

I feel like I’ve just totally lost it today...my baby is 4 mths and currently going through the sleep regression I think. She’s never slept amazingly from the start as she suffered from bad colic..when the colic settle down we had maybe a week of 8hr blocks around 12 weeks but now she sleeps a 3hr block at the start of the night and then hourly (or less!) all night. The 3 hr block starts at 7pm so I can’t usually get to sleep myself till about 9 so I never sleep longer than an hour at a time at the moment

I’ve been coping quite well considering..still going for long walks every day and keeping on top of things but I just feel like I’ve totally broken down today. I can’t stop crying and having panic attacks and just cannot cope at all. I’ve told my husband he just has to take her and bring her in for breastfeeds every 3 hours, if she’s hungry I between give her a bottle but I just can’t cope at all. I’m drinking a beer at 10am just to try and calm down..I haven’t had a drink at all yet while breastfeeding so it isn’t a habit I just feel desperate. I feel too wired to sleep and so guilty for not looking after her I just don’t know how to keep going on so little sleep. I thought I was coping well

Sleep deprivation is the worst. I've done the hourly wake ups, and cried every night because I was just so miserably tired. Keep trying to sleep whenever baby sleeps, and absolutely get your husband to take her so you can get a few of hours straight. Don't feel guilty, as long as you're covering her basic needs she doesn't need much more at this stage.

Sleep deprivation is torture OP don’t forget that. Don’t even try and think rationally at this stage. Why aren’t you sleeping at 7 when she first goes down?

Does your dh/dp not do some of the nights?

I struggle to switch off at 7 and even during the day naps as I think I’m so on edge / waiting for her to wake up because it’s so frequent. I never struggled with insomnia before but even since I was pregnant seemed to have it so not sure if it’s hormonal. I exclusively breastfeeding so unfortunately my husband can’t do the night feeds...however in the early days he used to take her 7-12 so I got a 5 hour stint and have her an expressed bottle. I think we might have to back to this..I’ve kind of just being muddling through waiting for it to get better but it hasn’t and now got myself in a bit of a mess I think. I love her to bits but today I just couldn’t hack it at all and didn’t feel like I could take care of her. Lockdown doesn’t help because my mum lives 5 mins away so usually we’d be getting a lot more support but obviously can’t see family yet.

I've been there op. Sleep deprivation contributed to me becoming very depressed. Like you I had to get dh to take over some nights so I could sleep, and actually relax enough to be able to sleep.

My baby got a lot better when I got a good routine and nap schedule going during the day. Have a look on Facebook for sleep consultant groups. There are quite a few of them and some of them post their recommended routines etc which I found very helpful.

Even if you cant sleep as such, lie down without your phone at 7. It’s so tempting to fit in housework etc whilst they sleep but you need the rest or you will crack up

@Crazydiamond106 oh I feel you! You poor thing! I’ve been battling similar with a 3 month old, who until about 10 days ago was sleeping for max 2 hours at a time at night and regularly waking every 45 mins after 3am...

I had a few days of frantically reading various books and online advice and becoming more and more depressed about the fact that he wasn’t sleeping the 5 hour blocks the books suggested I should ‘expect’ by now.

I do feel like we’re beginning to turn a corner and the things that seem to be helping me are:

• really paying attention to daytime naps and alert time. I’m a first time mum (in lockdown with no nearby family) and in hindsight was letting my baby stay awake far too long during the day between naps. Since I’ve become more aware of the guidelines for this I suddenly seem to notice my baby’s tired cues and have had more success in putting him down for naps without lots of fuss. I also try to avoid doing anything that might interrupt a nap before 45 mins e.g. will delay moving him into car seat and going out if possible- I hope to be more flexible eventually but at the moment sleep is our priority.
• getting out if the house for a long walk EVERY SINGLE DAY. This helps my mental health so much. I stick on a podcast and pound the pavement and no matter how sleep deprived I am feel a bit better when I come back. Plus sometimes this helps baby to sleep.
• I’ve also moved the next to me crib away from the bed and put the side up to turn into regular crib as I think sometimes I am too quick to pick DS up in the night and he is a noisy sleeper. Perhaps the distance is helping us both.

I’m by no means an expert but just wanted to share what may be helping for us (watch, he’ll be back to his old routine tonight...). I’ve also been trying to focus on the things that are going well for us (breastfeeding is a dream and he rarely cries in the daytime...) and avoid just comparing him to other babies for negative sleep.

But it’s really really hard. Especially in lockdown without the usual activities and people that might distract you from the tiredness.

I hope things get better soon!