Going back to work - baby 11 weeks old

[Bex2110]

Hi all.
DS was born end March and will be 11 weeks old next week. I am currently on mat leave and had planned to return to work in January. However, due to COVID (bloody COVID) my husband has been furloughed and is now on 80 % wages and I’m only receiving statutory mat pay. We aren’t sure what will happen with DH job in the long run.

I am now thinking that it may be best for me to return to work (part time, 30 hours) in order to build up some ‘reserves’ just in case the worst happens with DH job. My job would allow me to work from home until baby was at least 6 months old. He is exclusively breast fed at the moment and I’m reluctant to stop feeding him.

Do you think it is feasible for me to return to work next week?

So you'd have your baby at home, and be working at the same time? And your employer is aware of that and happy with the situation? Even if they are I don't see how it's workable. I've been WFH full time with DS for the past few months and it's been a nightmare; he's 16 months. Not a chance could I have done it if he was as young as yours is, he was still so dependent

Do you have keeping in touch days to use up, so you can get paid and get a feel for what it will be like working from home with a 3 month old? Keep breastfeeding if you don't want to stop; when I went back to work I got time to express during the day at work. So you'll be allowed time to do that too. I hope whatever you choose to do, it works out for you.

How long is your dh on furlough for? It would be quite easy for you to wfh and him bring the baby to you for feeds throughout the working day.

Yes, my employer is fully aware of the situation. My DH is at home too. I’m really not sure what to do. If I don’t return and DH loses his job we would be in a precarious financial position.

You do need to bear in mind that you may need to give 8 weeks notice of a change to your return date (typical).

Alternatively, can dh swap onto Parental Leave?

Won't you need to give 6 weeks (I think it is) notice of your intent to return to work?

But if you think your DH will be furloughed long term, then why not. He can bring the baby over to you whenever they need feeding, you can have your breaks with them, and it'll give your dh some lovely time as primary carer

It would be a new job that I would start on Monday as my current employer won’t entertain part time working. I’m thinking that if DH can bring DS to me for feeds then that should be okay. I will feel guilty about not spending time with him though. It’s a really difficult situation.

Oh a brand new job! Then no...I wouldn't do it. I'd not leave a secure job in these times (assuming current job you've been there over two years).

Just do the extra 10 hours per week and have better job security.

@Bex2110 is there a risk your husband could be asked to return to work in say the next 3 months. The only issue I envisage you do this and he has to go back to work, you are now working with a tiny baby.

If it looks like he will remain on furlough for a good while I think this is a sensible plan.

I started wfh when all my children were 4 months old (I breastfed all of them). I use to work in evenings and weekends. It was exhausting as I never had any downtime, but it kept my career alive.

I also have a baby thats the same age as yours (born on 25th March). I couldnt imagine working at the same time as looking after him. Second pp who suggested your husband taking paternity leave?

at the same time as looking after him

Her husband is home. He can look after the baby.

There’s no way I could work when my baby was that small. You’ve got sleep regressions to come and they get harder, not easier as they get more alert.
I’d take as much mat leave as you possibly can-I get that it’s difficult but you can’t get the time back again. I’m the main earner and we are really struggling (I’m 9 months in to mat leave).
I’d only return to work early if your DH becomes unemployed.

@StrawberryBlondeStar it is possible that he could be asked to return but we just don’t know.
I would feel so guilty about not spending time with my son, we also have a three year old at home now too. I just don’t know what to do. I suppose I could turn down the new job, continue on mat pay and then if DH gets made redundant just look then.
The COVID situation is making everything so difficult

I think it’s the best age to do it to be honest( they are easy until they move for WFH. I’ve been WFH with DD since she was 6 months old, and it’s hard work her being so mobile.
It is one of those situations where needs must to be honest. I’d go for it.

Being in a rubbish financial position in the long run is a worse situation for the whole family rather than wfh whilst you can with the baby

The economic outlook is dire so I would say a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, take the job and your husband can look after the baby.

I started a job before lockdown, baby was about 2 months old. I'm not saying I would recommend it but we're managing. DH is working from home too. If he had to work outside the home, I think I would have to quit.

Hi OP I went back to work due to covid when my baby was 11 weeks. I was working from home and my husband took on 50% of childcare. I hadn’t planned for it but I tuna. Start up so when covid came it was - go back to work or risk losing everything. I work about 20 hours per week and a bit on the weekend. If your husband is furloughed he can own the childcare. The one compromise I had to make was on feeding. Now I bf overnight and in the am but we had to move to formula because the amount of meetings I had online meant I couldn’t be there for baby to be exclusively bf. he is 20 weeks now and happy and chatty as can be. Children who are cared for by both parents intensively end up smarter and more emotionally resilient apparently. So I would say, go for it.

I would also add that a year on maternity leave is a relatively recent thing, before that 3 months off was pretty standard so it is by no means an impossible task to go to work with an 11 month old baby even if it is less than ideal.

You can totally do it. I went back when my dd was 13 weeks. It was fine. Good luck!

Also best of luck, life is currently full of difficult decisions for everyone so never feel guilty about doing your best to keep to make sure your family is financially secure.

As for not getting the time back, you’ve got the best bits to come. Don’t worry about that. I never felt I missed out. Maybe you won’t have to work so much when baby is a bit older and can spend a bit more time with him then.

Assuming you've been in your current job more than 2 years then bare in mind you lose your statutory employment rights starting a new role and start a probation period.

It sounds a little like you are panicking and perhaps don't need to just now. You're right that this time with baby is precious and you won't get if back. You might be planning for something that won't happen.

Plus I assume if dh did lose his job, you'd need full time hours anyway which you probably wouldn't get in the new job.

I think that sounds like a pragmatic solution (you taking this new job, not waiting to see if DH gets made redundant). Is the new job with the same employer or a different one?

Your DH can look after the baby and the 3 year old while he is on furlough. Is his whole industry at risk eg hospitality / tourism or is it more a temporary lack of work? Either way, definitely take the job so you can put money to one side.
Working 30 hours from home, seeing baby and toddler on breaks, you will still see a lot more of them than most dads do when their kids are that age.

@StealthMama I’ve been in my current employment for 12 months so I don’t have any rights.

@Taswama thank you, it is nice to hear the comparison to dad’s. I think I’m feeling some serious mum guilt at the moment. I will still be able to spend time with the boys in the day, more so than if I was physically ‘at work’. The part time hours of the new job are equivalent to the full time hours of my current job so that is a positive too.