How to enjoy life with small children in (semi) lockdown

[albazavi]

Sorry for the really long post. Like all of us, this life in lockdown in going on longer than I thought it was going to and I'm really starting to struggle emotionally.

I have a 4yr old, 2yr old and 6 week old. On Mat leave and DH is luckily wfh but long hours because he's more busy now than ever.

I've run out of energy, activities and enthusiasm. I am starting to hate being at home and feeling teary/ angry/ annoyed with the children every day. We try to go out for a picnic/ walk but it's a struggle on my own with all the children. And they've just closed our safest place as it was too busy at the weekend.

I can feel myself slipping into depression but can't see a way forward. The answer when I've felt like this in the early days with my eldest was to get to baby groups and use family support. Neither of which I can do. I can't break the rules and use my family for support as my mum is shielding.

I can't see how to make life any better. We see family in their garden but it's harder than being at home as I'm looking after all 3 children in someone else's garden whilst family stay inside or behind barriers, the older 2 get bored within 5 minutes because no one can play with them.

I can't send the older 2 back to nursery because if restrictions ease and we can see my mum, they'd be too high risk to see her (her illness is life limiting- we don't know how long she has left).

I need to find some joy in life at home- but I hate it. Before lockdown, my parenting style was pack a picnic, meet some fiends and go out for the day. I'm sick of colouring, i'm sick of playing rescues, jigsaws, arts and crafts. The kids are good kids but they are beginning to whinge and fight because of the situation. I can hear the disdain in my voice and think I'm making their lives miserable.

What can I do to make life at home more fun?

I’m so sorry you are feeling like this OP.

This is such a hard thing to say to you, but I think you need to weigh up whether you want to see your mum or you want to ease off with your children. I know a few people who are slowly starting to have play dates etc and it really is making the world of difference. Keeping yourself and your children away from everyone in case something is passed to yo ur mum sounds like it’s already debilitating and that won’t go away.

But I do really apologise if I’m being really insensitive.

If you do decide you want to keep yourself and DC away from everyone I think I have two suggestions:

1. Ask DH to take a week or two off work and get him to pick up the slack. I’m sure if you explained to him how you are feeling he would step in.
2. Throw money at the situation and buy as much crap as you humanly can to keep the kids entertained.

Could you consider sending your older two back to nursery for now & when it’s looking likely we’ll be able to see family properly, pull them out for two weeks, isolate, get food deliveries etc and then see your mum?

That’s my plan with my mum. She’s shielding. I debated what was best but in the end it was her who told me to send DD1 back. We don’t know how long it’ll be until we see family. And my mum felt it was important DD1 got to play with her friends & have some normality in the meantime. I also have an 11 week old baby born and it’s been really tough on all of us. I needed a break and so did elder DD from all things baby.

When the time comes, I’ll be pulling her out, making sure we are safe & then seeing my parents 😊 at that point, I will perhaps need to make the call on nursery v parents until there is a vaccine or something..

Thanks @Bol87 and @Betty98 .

That's what I'm starting to consider as an option. DS1s happiness is starting to suffer having only his brother as a playmate. But they are so close to my DM- she has them twice a week normally and it is the only thing she wants to do after her diagnosis- to spend time with the grandchildren.

To complicate matters DS1 has his own long term lung condition (involving prophylactic antibiotics and daily physio). He's not shielding and I think he'll be ok if he caught it but he is technically high risk. I don't know if it is safe for him to go back either.

@Betty98 they both had birthdays at the start of lockdown so have every toy ever made in the house currently!

Not tying to be dismissive- really looking for suggestions as I just can't see the wood for the trees at the minute!

Following as I've got a 19 month old and 8 week old baby and am really feeling it the past two weeks. The initial stage of enjoying the baby bubble has worn off and now I'm lonely and think my toddler is feeling it too. She runs up to other kids when we go to the park which makes me feel sad. She didn't go to nursery before, we did lots of play dates and playgroups/ classes etc. I can't see them returning any time soon though

I’ve found having a routine has really helped, so doing the same thing at the same time every day. We’ve got scheduled nursery rhyme time, schedules story time, a bath in the day. Not sure how possible that will be with all of them and the baby...

I really feel for you, I’m in similar boat with a toddler and baby.

I agree with one of the comments above - can your Partner take any time off? I don’t know what your financial situation is like but I’ve been buying new crafts / bits of crap to arrive once a week so there is something new to play with.

Have you checked out online fitness classes like Joe Wicks or Tumble Tots for the older ones? That can kill an hour.

And ultimately - what I’ve come to realise is they are just going to have to be bored!!!! We are bored, the world is bored, I try so hard to make sure my toddler is entertained and not bored but I think she is just going to have to be!

X

Use the TV/Netflix/tablets for your oldest two. And don't feel guilty about it. It will keep them from whinging for an hour or so and if you could somehow magically link it with baby's nap you could have a proper break.
Other than that, my 3 year old will play with Kinetic Sand and her Lego men for hours on end. So that may be worth an Amazon delivery if not already tried...
You have my sympathies. I'm WFH with 2 toddlers and it's fucking tough.

My parenting style is similar to yours op. I was out pretty much every day with younger dcs so I really feel for you.
I’d try to stick to a routine as much as possible. Do you have a garden?
Draw up a little schedule for yourself and the dcs that includes outdoor time, learning/drawing time, playing with toys and screen time.

Then look up various activities in those categories so there’s plenty of variety. There’s stuff all over Pinterest and parenting sites.

It’s not easy but you’ll get through it.

Have you talked to your mum about it? When you say her condition is life limiting, does that mean she has years left or months ( sorry if that seems insensitive). If she is in the latter group she may prefer to spend her time with your dcs, even with the added risks.

Thank you- there's some good advice here, lots of which I've been trying to do. We have a loose routine which has helped- arts and crafts when I call family, garden time, lunch and nap for 2 year old, tv for 4 year old. Then walk or activity etc.

Am buying lots of craft bits- we've signed up to a couple of subscription boxes which are great.

It's not so much what to do to keep them entertained- though any ideas are gratefully received. But how to enjoy it? I'm hating the days but massively pretending that I love building space rockets and really want to do colouring.

We don't know how long my mum has left. We're hoping it's a few years but no doctor will say. The treatment is keeping her well for now but it will stop working at some point. She is desperate to see her grandkids but also desperate to see them grow up a bit more. It's a horrible situation.

When I play repetitive games with little ones, I find my way of enjoying it is to throw myself as wholeheartedly into the activity as I can but use it as a means of engaging with the child and I enjoy the closeness of the interaction. So I may not particularly be feeling like colouring or drinking yet another pretend cup of tea but I can enjoy the child enjoying it, if that makes any kind of sense.

Have an audiobook, podcast or radio on in the background for yourself. That’s what I used to do. It helped to firstly keep me entertained and secondly, to keep my sense of who I was without just getting lost in the children.

Hey OP. Honestly? I don’t enjoy it much under lockdown, not many days at all, and I think trying to make ourselves enjoy something all the time that is so hard is just putting too much pressure on ourselves.

When I wake up I do get a sense of dread for the day. Then I consciously trying and think of one thing to enjoy today. So, sometimes I get myself an bottle of cold coffee from the shop for a treat for when we go on our walks. Or a chocolate bar. Something not kid related, that I can look forward to. Because honestly if I have to pretend to be Elsa one more time I’m going to lose it!

Not much advice but all I can give. X

Thank you- it's good to hear I'm not alone. I like the audio book suggestion. I can't listen for large parts of the day but when I'm making dinner/ lunch/ cleaning that will help. I'm going to reset up my audible account now.

I've tried throwing myself into play today- it's ended up with the 2 year old on the step as he ripped apart the rocket ship we spent all morning making. But I'll keep trying.

I think not having anything for me to look forward to all day isn't helping- with cluster feeding in the evenings I haven't been able to read/ go for a walk or have any time for me. I'm going to try heading baby over this evening to go for a walk. It's just a hard mix of ages- I'm not good with small children- hand me teenagers any day (secondary schools teacher here)

Similar ages here and very similar parenting style. I started to dread yet another treasure hunt, den built etc.

We saw my mum at the weekend. They loved seeing each other, but as of Monday the kids have gone back to nursery. So we won't see her again for a while.
Our reasoning was that mum is an adult, and she does get s great deal out of video chats etc, whereas the kids don't.
We saw our 4 year old become more and more lethargic and started to worry. Hes been back three days now and the change for all of us had been immense.
A good activity is they all enjoy is washing the bikes/scooters. Get a bowl of soapy water and some sponges, occasionally inspect their work and to buy yourself a few more minutes point out some bits they've missed

Hi, I have a newborn and a 2 year old and while it’s been kind of fine it’s also been like Groundhog Day and the toddler and I were starting to wind one another up something chronic. Family not shielding but parents older age group, live far away and understandably worried about virus/the journey if they come and see us/meet the baby.

I sent the toddler back to nursery on Monday and I feel like it’s ‘reset’ us both. It’s one day a week as I’m obviously on mat leave, but I got a chance to finish a cup of coffee, tidy up a bit and feed the baby without interrupting him to stop some form of toddler silliness. Toddler came home with something new to talk about and has been so much more content at home for the couple of days since. I also have a day a week to look forward to having a bit more headspace.

If family decide to come I will keep him home for 2 weeks and isolate prior to it.

If nursery isn’t an option for you then even a garden play date can help hugely, we did this the other day and was lovely to have adult company for me a change of scenery for him and my kind friend did some of the chasing so the baby could be fed uninterrupted for once.

I understand, it’s hard and it’s boring (I feel guilty finding it boring) and the night feeds do not help!

I have a 4 yr old and 6 mth old, on mat leave with hubby WFH. My motivation in the early lockdown days was great, I had plans for educational fun, made (loose) timetables for the week and ordered various craft bits etc. Since the months have passed its become a drag, I feel guilty for not “wanting” to play with my eldest, then guilty for example missing baby’s nap and spending so much longer getting him down because he’s over tired, so more guilt for neglecting eldest etc etc. I’ve not slept due to little un having bad reflux and up all night so have tended to put the tv on for an hr which frequently ends up being closer to 2 hrs (or more). Sorry this isn’t helpful at all but just wanted you to know that it’s so bloody hard and you’re doing better than me.

Just an idea, could you do things you enjoy but big them up to make the kids think they’re special? I remember doing a “dinner party” with my 4 yr old, no guests obvs but we decorated the table with a paper tablecloth and glitter, special (plastic picnic) glasses, made cake, played jazz music. Or how about a car trip (if you drive)? Then you can listen to a podcast/radio too.