How to stop comparing to other babies?

[GeckoPerson]

I am a full time mum to a young toddler. All through my childhood and uni, I was always pushed academically; it was the only thing I was good at and it was important to my parents. From as soon as i planned to have a baby, I swore I would do it differently, that I would encourage and support my child, love who they were, not what they did.

Well my toddler is thoroughly wonderful, cheerful, full of energy. But they're a bit on the slower end for the milestones so far, though so far they have been achieved. Over the last few days, a baby 6 months younger of a fb friend has been hitting the milestones mine hasn't reached yet.

And I'm struggling to cope with it. It's making me miserable and it's affecting how I'm seeing my child's actions. I know every child develops at their own rate. But knowing that isn't helping. I am determined to stop this competitiveness now, before it impacts my child, but I don't know how to. Anyone have any advice?

Don't look at FB or Instagram posts of this kind. Limit the social media use to that which is helpful and makes you feel good.

Repeat 'it's a marathon, not a sprint' whenever you get the feeling that your child hasn't been quick enough to do something.

Know that children develop differently, but unless there are additional needs, they all reach the same milestones. They will all walk and talk and jump and feed themselves and be potty trained etc. etc. At no interview ever, will they be asked 'and how old were you when you mastered a spoon?'. It will never come up. It makes no different to anything. Don't worry about it.

I would seriously deactivate your Facebook and Instagram until your child is a bit older. The emotional suffering it's causing you just isn't worth it.

Agree with PPs, turn off social media - comparison is the thief of joy.

That said, if your son is 6m behind milestones, it might be worth having a quick chat with your HV, just to check in.

I have a 9 week old. I know its still very early days and my baby is still very little, but I stopped looking at milestones ages ago. It became really damaging to my mental health.

When I had twins one seemed a lot more slow to learn than the other - I remember my grandma asking if he was backwards and being devastated. He definitely wasn't backwards and him and his Dt are academically very similar and well above average for their age. They all catch up in their time. Both were potty trained but ds was 6 months later - they still got to the same point, both walked but about 3 months difference.
I actually think he's just more layed back and actually will probably get further in life because he doesn't worry, get anxious, over think things he just gets on with things.
Me and my siblings have 6dc between us to show you the difference between them all they rolled over between 3 and 18 months now you wouldn't know there was that big a difference in their abilities when they were young.
Children develop at different rates, it's a case of not worrying as long as their progressing and not projecting your anxieties on to your child. Relax your child will get there in their own time.

I think it's human behaviour to compare, it's how you respond to that comparison that is the key. Turn it off if it makes you feel like crap.

They all do things at different rates, have different personalities, are interested in different things. Development isn't linear so they are changing all the time. My DS was an early crawler but a late walker, he's a late talker but can put his socks on by himself! I see my friends posting stuff about their kids having massive tantrums and we don't have any of that!

I’ll bet there’s things your kid is doing before others, and some later. Few kids are ahead in everything. You’re probably only noticing the stuff your kid isn’t doing yet. My son’s language came on very quickly and his fine motor skills are pretty good. His gross motor skills are rubbish he’s very cautious and can take a lot of encouragement to try climbing etc. A friend’s son was using a slide properly at 12 months. My son didn’t learn the balance to go down a slide sitting up until 2.5 years old! But he got there in the end. Another friend’s kid is flying around on his balance bike while mine crawls, but his language is still very limited. It’s widely accepted that speed doesn’t really mean much. Just because a child does something early, doesn’t mean they’ll be any better than their peers at it when they all reach 7 years old.