Returning to work- will it help

[YellowDaffodils86]

Hi
Just after some people's opinions and experiences.
I return back to work soon. The majority of my maternity leave has been slightly hard for me. I struggled with being alone all day after having a full time and full on job. I was suddenly at home with a baby to care for and i struggled to fill my time regardless of being as busy as possible.
With the last half of maternity leave being during lockdown, these feelings haven't really got better.
I love my baby, but i do find 24/7 with her a little stressful at times, i think this has been due to lockdown too.
I really hate not enjoying every minute with my baby and feel guilty for wanting time away now and again. Do you think returning to work part time will help restore some balance in my life and help me enjoy being a parent more? Did anyone find that returning to work was a turning point at all?
TIA

I bloody loved being back at work part time after mat leave. I too really struggled and found it was much more of a balance having a few days in work then the rest with the kids. Don't feel guilty about it, I know loads of people who felt the same.

Im 2.5 months into mat leave and cant wait to go back!

It's bound to help. Work is often more predictable, adult conversation, hopefully a lunch break. Plus you will hopefully enjoy the time at home more as it is less repetitive.

Didn't give my experience there. I enjoyed being back at work, seeing colleagues, having that sense of identity and variety in my life.

God I LOVED going back to work.
Adults, fulfilling work, able to pay my bills, not having to put up with the mundane, endless slog that is looking after a young child.
I had awful PND when DS was small and going back to work was key in my recovery.

I'm 6 months into mat leave and not due back til November but I'm already looking forward to it. I struggled the first few months to adjust in the same way you describe, but much better now. I also plan to return part time after being full time and think it will make me appreciate time at home more. I was disappointed we couldn't afford for me to stop working for a couple of years at first but now I'm on mat leave it's made me realise I'm not cut out for that!

I loved returning to work. I felt more me again. My brain was stimulated, I felt more dynamic. On maternity I felt very one dimensional, it was humdrum. On return to work, I felt I had variety, depth, I was 3d again (If that makes sense?). I then appreciated my time with baby much more as I wasn't with him every waking moment. I did feel guilty about this but being a stay at home mum just isn't for me.

I went back to work after 3 months - when i was pregnant and getting it all sorted, people kept telling me that I'd regret it, that i was making a huge mistake, and i got really scared. They were wrong, though. I went back to work, my husband took SPL and i miraculously stopped crying three times a day and started enjoying my time with my daughter! I'm taking another two months in July, and I'm looking forward to it, but i won't be solo as my husband will be off too. I wouldn't be taking more leave if it was going to be just me and the baby. I adore her, but she's not great company yet.

I really enjoyed being back in work. I found working part-time gave me a renewed enthusiasm for being a mum! You need to have the opportunity to miss your loved ones - absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that.

Yes, I think absolutely it will help. Going back to work after both of mine was amazing! I love them, but really no way in hell do I want to be with them all the time. After my 2nd I was so stressed because my new job involved a long London commute 3 days week. Honestly, it was awesome. I loved working again and also loved just having time to myself (albeit work time) again.

Thank you to all who have posted so far, its a relief to see that many of you have found that balance and enjoyed your return to work. I have suspected i will enjoy things much more and appreciate time with my daughter once im back to work, so its good to see that will probably be the case.
Im not cut out for being a sahm it seems.
I have been looking forward to going back to work during mat leave, i only managed one kit day due to covid19, but it was nice being back, and i felt like me again.
And as odd as it sounds id like a chance to actually miss my daughter. There hasn't been many, especially since lockdown.
However i also know it will be hard to hand her over to nursery and leave her all day 3x week to start with.

@PawPatrolMakesMeDrink i had mild pnd in the beginning and i wonder sometimes if it still lingers at times. I feel returning to work and getting back to 'normal' in a sense will help.

Ah you’ll be grand love.
We all worry if we’re doing the right thing, that’s just parenthood for you.
Thing I’ve found is you have to find a balance that suits you and your family. Me going back to work was key to improving my mental health, becoming well again made me a better mother, more able to be fun, I wasn’t merely getting through the days anymore.
I find myself enjoying DS more. He was so loved and utterly cared for by his nursery, and I was able to love him more too as I wasn’t just Mum all the time.

So glad I found this thread!
During maternity leave I was really missing work or just some "me" time. Lockdown proved very hard as all our little routines and activities went out of the window. I had 2 KIT days working from home with my DD crawling around which were hard, but it was great talking to my colleagues and having some conversations which were not around baby. She starts nursery this week and I start back at work part time. I have been crying all morning because I don't want to leave her yet I am chomping at the bit to go back to work and get my brain going again... plus the social element of it too.
I think the thing with motherhood is that you can't win. Ever. 😂

I can totally relate to this. I found full time with a baby on my own really hard and intense. It was such a culture shock from the busy professional job I was used to. I had a group or activity to go to every day because I desperately needed the routine, structure, change of scenery and contact with other adults. I really believe it's not natural to be 1:1 with a baby all day; humans are supposed to be raised socially in tribes by a community. It's really unhelpful that our society has created this situation for new mothers. I definitely enjoyed the return to a more 'normal' routine of work, but it brought new challenges too. It's a juggling act!

I also loved going back to work. It made me appreciate time with my DS rather than just being bored of the monotony that looking after a small child brings. I was back 4 months and have now been catapulted back into a second maternity leave where you can't leave the house or do anything and I can't wait for nurseries to reopen in August!

I did not enjoy every minute with my babies. That’s normal. Especially when I had baby+ toddler+ two young DCs all at once. On balance, I enjoyed most of the time with them even when things were barely contained chaos.

But, also I HATED going back to work. Which is despite the fact I do enjoy my career field. I felt guilty most days about my DCs being in childcare. And they were so clingy and needy each evening and morning because I was at work all day.

It’s ok to not be enjoying every minute of motherhood. Nothing rewarding is easy and motherhood is one of the most rewarding, but also hardest things you can commit yourself to.

Yes I enjoyed returning to work too, for the most part. I couldn't be a SAHM and preserve my own mental health long term I don't think. Or definitely not at that young baby age. I returned 4 days a week. Id prefer to only do 3 I think or maybe even 2 but my work won't let me reduce.

Its such a relief and reassuring to read others have not enjoyed mat leave at times and have enjoyed returning to work.
My main reason for asking was because i sometimes feel as if im putting too much pressure on returning to work to help balance things out.
I feel that going back to 'normal' and getting that longterm routine of work and nursery, along with reducing that stuck at home alone time, will finally make me feel happier and more comfortable in this new role of being a mother.
I love time with my daughter, but all day every day mostly on my own, i find it so draining and boring at times. Sometimes its like real life has been paused.
I did wonder sometimes if it was just me and if i had made a mistake having a baby because i should be loving mat leave and my baby every second.

@Toastiemaker
Yes i can relate. I obviously am keen to return to work and have some time as me and to use my brain! However nursery having my lo all day and her being looked after a lot by other people does also make me feel uneasy and sad too.
But i know she will enjoy it and will be good for her too, so i try to remember that.

Well, I did my first half day yesterday and DD had her first half day at nursery... She did painting, music and reading. She didn't eat much, but made up for it on an evening! We had a lovely afternoon where I had lots of energy for her having missed her all morning...

At work I found my brain has gone to mush!

Yes, I was very happy to go back to work. I found 8 months mat leave was about optimum for me and then I was ready to return. I work 4 days and I like the balance of being with my kids and being away from them. I enjoy my work, I'm there enough to make an impact and keep my career going and I love my day at home with my little ones and being able to take my older DC to school. I would be a very bad SAHM.

Hi OP, i think lots and lots of mums find maternity leave hard - maybe they don't all admit it. I am naturally very busy and very chatty, so found it a huge adjustment being at home with a baby all day. Like you, i questioned whether i was cut out to be a mum and whether there was something wrong with me.

Something that helped me - and still does - when i'm feeling like i'm not enjoying something to do with parenting is - Would a dad be expected to enjoy this? So when I'm at a baby class singing nursery rhymes and doing all that baby stuff and thinking - oh god, all these mums are so much more into this than me - i just imagine what it would be like if it was all dads there. People would totally expect dads to find it tedious but somehow mums are expected to love every minute!

Anyway, to your original quesiton - going back to work is basically what saved my sanity. I work 3 days now and i LOVE it. I have two lovely days with my son, where i don't feel overwhelmed or bored (a bit bored at the moment but that can't be helped). And then i have 3 days where I can use my brain, grab a sandwich at leisure and (again, formerly...) chat to colleagues. My boy is in a great routine at nursery, and everyone's happy.

There's no one size fits all motherhood - and this is something that has taken me so long to learn. Do what you need to do to be happy, and it will fall into place