Please help answer my clueless new baby questions?

[BlanketBaby]

Hi all, I'm due my first baby imminently and having a bit of a panic about some of the things I still don't know!

Please can I ask some of the daft questions that have been keeping me awake at night?

Routine- at what stage would you generally expect to start implementing a daily routine eg nap times, bedtime? I know not to have any expectations for the newborn early days. But when do people start to build this in, on average? After how many days / weeks / months?

Baby bed time- once the proper routine / structure is there and you're getting the LO put to bed at a particular time, how do you supervise? Eg I want them to get used to having bath and then going to sleep in their cot in our bedroom. Does the parent then sit in the bedroom with them? I know some people say they use the Moses basket in the living room and then bring the baby with them when they go to bed, but I'm going to attempt to follow some guidance I've read, about putting the baby to sleep in the same conditions it will see when it wakes in the night. So that means baby going to bed in their cot. Does anyone else have experience of doing this?

Breastfeeding- worst case scenario what do you do if no milk comes? I'm expecting to have a c-section and I know it can sometimes take days for milk to come in. How do I go from bottle feeding to breast? Has anyone had experience of this?

Finally, when did you start expressing for the occasional feed? (To allow DH to do one night feed)? The guidance seems to differ on this.

Thank you!

You need to find the details for local bf support workers or Facebook groups.

There is no reason why your milk shouldn’t come in with a Caesarean. I fed my baby on the operating table being wheeled out of theatre.

Routine- this changes so often I wouldn't put too much pressure on it. We tried to do a wake feed sleep routine where the wake part just got longer as DS got older. Just get good at knowing your babies sleep cues and go from there. Overtired babies are the worst.

Bedtime- we did the baby downstairs with us thing but if you don't mind being in your room from 7/8pm then go for it.

Breastfeeding- you can keep feeding the baby your colostrum for several days until your milk comes in. No need to bottle feed whilst waiting for it to come in. You will have midwife and HV monitoring babies weight and it they are concerned about weight gain then may suggest topping up with formula. But if milk comes in between day 3-5 then it won't be needed. Lots of putting the baby to the breast and skin to skin and having a c section shouldn't make too much difference. Make sure you take care of yourself though, with lots of food, fluids and rest to encourage milk production.

Expressing- most advice is to not express until milk supply as settled, usually after 4/6 weeks. But do what feels right for you.

My emergency C-section during labour - milk came in as normal because the hormones that triggered it happened.

Planned C-section, it took 3 days for anything much to happen. It was a tough 3 days, I'll be honest, and the baby cried all the time as he was only getting tiny amounts (but hourly, sheesh!) but once it kicked in, it went brilliantly and he was thriving. Trust your body, it will happen.

I think one of the scariest things when you become a mum are that there's no hard and fast rules. Your instincts will help you most of all as each baby is different & what works for your baby may not work for another baby.
Structure/routine - you'll work out when your baby needs feeding & sleeping and you'll build a routine around that.
Best practice is to be in the room when you baby is sleeping for first few months.
My milk was sporadic after c - section so did bread and formula feeding. Congratulations on having your baby.

Milk might take a few days to come in but generally you'll have colostrum, which is incredibly nutritious. I bf my son straight after a c section. I also found expressing a PITA, never got much out (and my EBF babies were on the 75th centile so there was definitely milk in there!)

SIDS guidance is to have the baby nap with you. It's also considered a good idea to differentiate between day and night to encourage longer sleeping at night time, so I wouldn't recommend bedroom naps necessarily.

Routine - my babies developed their own rhythms quite early on, 6 weeks or so. I tried to pay attention to sleep and hunger cues and it generally made itself obvious. But all babies are different; I have two friends whose babies were like Swiss watches. Others not so much. But routines will change as your baby gets bigger, and their needs might vary according to the day too. I've seen people stick rigidly to routines despite their babies clearly demonstrating they were hungry/tired/not tired/whatever, no fun for anybody.

Just pay attention to your baby's cues and trust your instincts, you'll be fine.

I had the long labour then c section and no milk for 5 days. He lost 13% of his weight (although this was artificially high) and we ended up being readmitted to the children ward and doing top ups. We did go to only breast feeding after a few week.
For milk to come in you need good food and some sleep (mine came in on the children ward because the night nurses took him off me and said sleep and they made sure I had to eat).
Always breastfeed first then top up, I gave ds 30ml of formula. I wouldn't bother expressing for 6 weeks unless your milk comes in suddenly like mine did and the breasts are too hard for baby to feed. Use the lansinoh cream for about a month before birth its supposed to save you from cracked nipples. Buy an extra long charging cable for phone or tablet as you'll spend a lot of time sat on the sofa feeding for the first few weeks.
We still don't have a bedtime routine that we stick to like glue, it just doesn't work for us.
I didn't bath DS for 6 weeks as he had infection in his cord so I waited as long as possible. He didn't like the bath at that stage anyway, now I can't get him out of it!
I think the sleep is down to luck, mine fights sleep every inch of the way, I'm hoping the next one is better.

Don’t try and implement any routine untill six weeks. I’ve read that this is actually the fourth trimester and baby is just getting used to being out of your body. Just relax and go with the flow. Keep baby close to you. You will find you automatic go to feed your baby when they start showing hunger signs or they are crying and you’ve gone through the list of why they might be crying.

I’ve had two C-sections and both baby’s latched on straight after birth and fed.

The baby whisperer Book which is downloadable had the best day routine I’ve come across and lots of advice about bringing baby home ect.. worth a read.

Don't get too fixated on a routine. I panicked because we didn't have one, whereas my SIL couldn't relax because she did. Even on holiday she would disappear at 6pm because it was bath time. My son was very high needs and I got into a right flap because he'd still be awake at 10pm. We should have both relaxed a bit!

Just follow their lead with regard to routine. I never really had one, but her I returned to work I needed to give my parents some idea of the plan for the day and actually she'd fallen into her own routine by then.

Baby should be in the same room as you for all sleeps for the first 6 months to reduce the risk of sids. That's why some people take the Moses downstairs, but of course you can stay up in your bedroom if you're happy to do so. I would say though that your baby is going to wake up every couple of hours anyway, so even if you want to put them to sleep where they're going to wake up there's no reason that has to be the same place all night.

Before your milk comes in you produce colostrum. Liquid gold as they call it. Packed full of antibodies and goodness. You only produce tiny amounts of this, but a newborn's tummy is only about the size of a marble so that's all they need. There's no reason to think you won't produce milk so I wouldn't plan for that tbh, if it does happen then you can deal with it then. Feed baby lots, lots of skin to skin, keep hydrated and eat well - that will all help ensure a good supply.

Expressing isn't recommended until your supply has regulated, around 6 weeks. And it's a faff...although we did sometimes give a bottle either late evening or morning so I could get a few hours uninterrupted sleep. Expressing earlier than 6 weeks can cause oversupply, risking blocked ducts and mastitis. That said, I expressed earlier than that with both of mine - for one reason or another i was unlikely to have stuck with breastfeeding if I hadn't done that, so it was the right choice for me.

Routine - With mine a loose routine developed probably at around 6 months which was when we started to 'put them to bed', be of that they stayed downstairs with us in the evening (ds quite liked his moses after about 3 months or so, dd wanted to be held whilst she slept/fed ). Tbh you go from 3 naps, to 2 then down to one, mine varied how often they woke in the night etc that routines are pretty fluid until they're 4 (that's when mine stopped napping). But in general from being 12 months my two were both put to bed at 7.30 ish after a bath and mostly stayed asleep all night.

Breastfeeding- I didn't have a c section but several friends who did managed to bf fine. I had straight forward vaginal births and my milk didn't come in for a few days each time, it's normal I think, colostrum is enough to keep them going, they just have it very regularly. You'll be told it's an absolute no no, but if you know you really want you're dh to be able to give your baby a bottle then I would start giving one early on, every mum I know who ebf for the first few months ended up with a bottle refusing baby!

Oh just got add, definitely don't try pumping colostrum! You can hand express if need be into a sterile syringe or cup (only necessary if there are latching issues) but there's not enough of it and it's too sticky to pump and feed in a bottle.

The thing about routines is that the best routine is the one your baby would naturally follow - so when you've been around them for a while you'll spot when they want to nap and when they want fed etc and the routine can sort of evolve.
Sitting in your bedroom at night would be very boring, easier to have the baby in a pram or basket with you. I was too paranoid about SIDS to go against the guidelines, maybe ten minutes here and there to do something but otherwise I kept the baby with me.
I wish I'd known it took a while for milk to come in. All the rather desperate sucking your baby does at this point will help stimulate the milk. You don't want to give formula in the first few days if you plan to bf, and if you baby is fine health wise obviously. I've fed 2 dc following c sections so it can work, maybe that made it take longer I don't know.
I wish I'd had mumsnet when I had my first. Don't hesitate to come on here to ask for advice or just to chat. And only listen to advice that suits you!

But when do people start to build this in, on average? After how many days / weeks / months?

We started a basic bedtime routine around 8 weeks and there's some good info on the nhs website about this.

Baby bed time- once the proper routine / structure is there and you're getting the LO put to bed at a particular time, how do you supervise?

I honestly wouldn't think about this at this stage and try to put things in place to make your life easier for having baby with u e.g. box of snacks & other essentials by the sofa. I'm really sorry if this wasn't what I wanted to hear but you'll honestly probably be shocked by the amount of time that baby will just want to be held by you. I'm sure plenty of other posters will disagree and that's fine but that was just my personal experience. It was a real eye-opener!

Breastfeeding- worst case scenario what do you do if no milk comes? I'm expecting to have a c-section and I know it can sometimes take days for milk to come in.

I had a straightforward vaginal delivery and even then my milk didn't come in until day 4 (I think) so the whole 'few days' thing isn't exclusive to c-sections and very normal. For the first few days your body produces small amounts of colostrum. My friend was able to bring baby to the breast after her c section so it is possible sometimes but unfortunately I've got no direct experience.

If you're planning on breastfeeding my main tip would be to not compare it to ff in any way. It's a very different thing on many levels. I had friends who made comments about the frequency of feeds and looking back it really wasn't helpful and made me feel like I was doing it 'wrong' but you can never overfeed an exclusively bf baby.

Good luck

I am a 'planner', I like to know exactly what is going to happen and when, and what I have to do. Having a newborn was different! You do have to go with the flow to an extent and take your cues from baby. They are all different!

I found it helpful to know a few websites I could trust for decent information and advice, otherwise I went down a google rabbit hole trying to find out information on the latest question or new thing I came across. The nhs website actually has loads of useful advice. I found kellymom and la leche league good for breastfeeding info.

Don't fret about routines...you'll find your rhythm. Those first few weeks will be long, because there will be very little difference between night and day for both of you.
You'll be thinking a month had passed and it's been 4 days.

BUT DON'T WORRY.

When it feels like it's been months, when it's actually only day 10, or your crying because your baby is crying, or your exhausted. Because you WILL cru.

Please PLEASE remember this:

It gets easier. I PROMISE.

In no time at all, you'll be changing nappies like a ninja at 1am, baby will latching on at 3am and you will only have half an eye open. You'll be a pro at eating one handed!

Routine - totally personal, different people do different things. I didn't have a routine until over a year with my first. Had a rough one at 6 months with my second. Gina ford reckons you can do it from birth! The most common answer seems to be that about 3-4 months is the "optimal" time though if you're keen to introduce a routine asap.

Bedtime - Once they were going to bed in our room I would leave the room and leave them there, with an audio monitor. It seems that over the last few years the Lullaby Trust guidance has changed to specifically say that you should not do this and you should be supervising their sleeps until at least 6 months. I would point out - NHS and RoSPA guidance does not say this. Neither does any other country in the world. They all advise that baby should sleep in your room until ~6 (some countries 12) months but Lullaby Trust is the only organisation that seems to think this means you need to sit in the room with them until you want to go to bed, stay in the room while they are napping, etc.

It's a risk/benefit calculation. Personally I reckon since you've got the safe sleep set up for unsupervised sleep (you are not supervising them when you are asleep yourself), you're in the room for the longest sleep chunk, and certainly if they are over 4 months ie past the highest risk period for SIDS, it's pretty low risk to leave them in that safe sleep space for 2-4 hours, compared to the benefits that you gain from it ie getting some space/alone time with your partner, chance to eat a hot meal in peace, time without baby taking up every moment etc plus them having a chance to sleep without being disturbed by your noise/presence. OTOH if you're happy to keep them downstairs and don't see a benefit from it, then it makes sense to keep them with you. And I wouldn't want to leave them alone if they're sleeping with a sleepyhead, on an inclined surface, in the middle of the adult bed with duvets, in a buggy, etc.

No milk - if your milk never came in then you would have to formula feed. But this is very rare! Before your "mature" milk comes in, you'll still have colostrum which is a more concentrated kind of milk, so the baby gets something. My milk was slow to come in with DS2 and he had some formula for a while. I would recommend to look up and get in touch with local breastfeeding support services before the birth if at all possible, so you know where to go for advice if you need any. It's one of those things it's very hard to prepare for in advance because you forget everything and also it's generally better to seek responsive support rather than trying to pre-empt every problem you might have.

Expressing - I think you get wobbly answers on this one because in reality having DH do a bottle feed in the middle of the night is far less helpful than it sounds. And honestly? If you do want/need him to do this, you can just do it with formula. You could express if you want but it's a lot of work to express, clean all the pump parts etc just for the baby to have the bottle and then insist on boob time as well What I found more helpful at night was getting DH to take charge of the baby while I slept and then he would bring him in just to feed and take him away again as soon as he was finished to settle him to sleep. The concerns with doing it too early is that it messes with the supply and demand cycle, which could be a problem if you're having issues related to this, and also expressing itself takes up so much time - you generally have to express several times to get enough for one feed.

I will add. When we were in hospital with DS2, we were in for a week and they had a very specific way they liked things to be done there (this was not in the UK). I didn't really continue this when I got home, but if I was a routine person I probably would.

He would wake up, I would cuddle him and take him over to the changing table (which had a little heater on it which you can actually buy in baby equipment shops here :o) and I'd get him undressed and change his nappy. Get him all dressed up again and then he'd be ready for his feed. I'd breastfeed him and while I was doing this I would call for the formula as he was having top ups at that time. If you were doing bottles you could get DH to warm it up while you change the nappy (or vice versa) then I would give the feed, wind him and then he was usually happy to just be put down. Sometimes I would cuddle him for a while because it's just nice to do that :) Some babies don't like to be put down on their own when they are newborn (probably most, actually...) and sometimes I'd keep letting him go back to the breast, because newborns do this kind of long winded feed/sleep/feed/sleep on off thing which is actually really good for your milk supply and really good for them in terms of milk/calories in. So if you have the time and energy, do let him do this.

Then once they sleep they tend to sleep for 2/3 hours and then you just do it all over again. And repeat for several weeks. You get better and quicker at each part (at the start, the whole change-feed-wind-cuddle-maybe feed again routine can take over an hour easily)

Tbh OP in answer to all your questions, I wouldn't implement any routines or bed times. I'm 2 years down the line and still haven't done so. I didn't decide this whilst pregnant, I just followed my baby and noticed I practice attachment parenting.

All of the questions you asked are individual.

Re milk, everyone's milk takes some time to come in, you have colostrum till then. I had an emergency section and have exclusively breast fed for two years with no formula.

Re expressing, you will visibly notice when your milk supply is catered to baby's needs (no leaking etc) which is when it will be safe to express.

Thank you this is so helpful x

Oh, regarding breast feeding... Be prepared for a type of jealousy from DP (I'd he's on the scene?)

A fair amount of New dad's essentially get jealous of the BFing, thinking that they are somehow missing out on "real" bonding with the baby. Some will put pressure on you to express/formula feed. But may phrase it as 'to give you a break'.

Expressing was horrible for me. Absolutely hated it.

Have the discussion before baby comes that you NEED to be supported in your decisions.