Feel like I'm doing everything wrong with my baby

[YellowEllis]

I am struggling a bit with my mental health during lockdown, and I'm not sure whether it's making me a shit mum or whether I'm putting too much pressure on myself but I really feel like I'm doing everything wrong.

My baby is nearly 1. He's extremely active, can't yet walk but spends all day cruising around the furniture, puts his hands against walls and walks around rooms like that. He can crawl but only really does that to get to somewhere else to stand up. Doesn't ever really want to sit down and play with toys, always just wants to be on his feet.

I just feel like I'm doing it all wrong. I can't sit and read books with him for longer than a few minutes. I try and play games stacking blocks up and counting but he's bored after 30 seconds and goes off cruising again. I'm worried I don't talk to him enough to teach him words, or animal sounds because he is just always on the go and I crawl/walk around with him and generally chit chat to him but I don't feel like I'm really teaching him anything. I feel like I don't do any activities with him. I just feel like a crap mum. He's happy but I worry he's happy because he's just learnt to entertain himself as I'm too shit.

Follow some mums with babies same age on insta, they are saying words or making animal sounds and he's not. He babbles dadada and bababa. Will not say mama, won't copy sounds we make, will only say dada and baba on his own accord, will never copy us. Doesn't imitate any sounds we make actually, or actions. Doesn't clap, wave or point. If that's just his natural development that's absolutely fine, but I'm worried he doesn't do these things due to a lack of interaction on my part. I just don't know how to?

He’s 11 months old! Give yourself a break! There is no point in hothousing your child with flashcards etc. He’ll learn what he’s interested in. Sing to him, chat to him, read to him whilst he does his own thing. He sounds like he’s doing great already.

He sounds absolutely fine, honestly.

He’s exploring. Some babies are content to sit a bit more, some are on the go. Give yourself a break.

He's happy

This is all that matters. Babies are exhausting and they don't follow a manual. Some children are very slow at walking and so they sit and make noises, you have a child that is desperate to explore the world and is putting all his efforts into movement at the moment. Both options are normal (be prepared for the parents of the talkers to be envious as your little toddler in a couple of months), they learn in fits and starts and have their own interests already.

Oh, and as for saying mama my eldest (now 12!) did not call me Mummy until her little sister (18 months younger) started saying it . 11 months is very early to be talking, my 3 had odd words that would come and go until about 18-24 months when they started accumulating words. But I don't think health visitors worry about language till a bit later than that. Can he understand things you say?

Thanks for replies. I don't know if he can understand me. He looks at me when I talk most of the time, but doesn't always respond to his name if he's focused on something else. How can I know if he understands me? Should I be doing anything to encourage pointing/clapping/waving/imitating? Do they need to be taught these things more proactively? They can be markers for ASD and I don't want him to get flagged up when maybe I've just not shown him well enough. I feel like I don't know what I'm doing!!

Mine is a similar age, I follow his lead - if he wants physical play, we do that. He doesn’t have much patience for books, but likes songs with a physical element (happy and you know it, etc)
Keep taking to him and use clapping, waving, etc in context, he’ll do it when he feels like it.

Thanks. Just worried I'm failing him, or that he's possibly showing signs of being slightly beyond developmentally and I'm mistaking them as me failing him. I just feel worried either way!

He sounds like my baby (he's 15 months now) as since about 5 months he's always preferred being on his feet. At 11 months he'd been very very confidently cruising around the furniture, standing alone sometimes but didn't crawl. He didn't really attempt to because he was so confident on his feet and if he did he looked like a beached whale, hehe. Then the week of his first birthday he started crawling pretty much overnight. He's off like a rocket now and had given up on the walking thing until the last week or so, where he's remembered he can stand up.

Apparently their brain grows loads around the time that they're one and he slept LOADS during the day (like 4+ hrs in one go) which we let him do as it was at the start of lockdown and what else was he gonna do with his time? And then after about a week or so of doing this, he developed loads of new skills in one go such as waving, clapping, pointing etc.

As I said he's now a few days shy of 15 months and he's started "talking" recently. Well more making sounds often enough that we know what he's trying to say, but only a few. The rest of the time he has full on conversations but God knows what he's saying, other than it all sounds very serious. We've only been able to confidently say he understands us since he was about 13 months or so. I remember being unsure of what box to tick at his 12 month review, which he had the week before lockdown. Then the HV said he was hitting or above all of the "milestones" for a one year old and had no concerns. He's also now worked out how to climb up the slide and stand up on it with no hands, but still has only taken a few tiny steps despite everyone thinking he'd be walking before Christmas. I just think he will do it when he's ready, he's clearly happy and therefore it's fine.

With toys, do you have any that he can stand up to play with? We got him an activity box for Christmas with beads and stuff at the top with different activities around the age. He literally walks around and around it playing with the toys (and sometimes sits down) and likewise we've kept the jumperoo out as he plays with the spinning things by walking around and around the edge.

Also stay off Instagram, life is too short to compare your baby to others!

Also, since lockdown we've been watching Mini Music Makers on Facebook. It's free and amazing (they do them every week day at 10 but you can watch whenever) - we live locally to them and my friend goes to their in person classes which is how we found out about it. My baby hasn't really ever shown interest in songs but he's really taken to watching this and asks for it by doing the actions to the hello song. When it's on he is usually cruising around the room but he definitely takes it in as he stops to watch for a few mins before carrying on, and like I said, he knows the actions... But when the song is actually on he won't ever do them, same with wind the bobbin up. It's also an easy watch as a parent with catchy songs, not like the cringe worthy stuff that is sometimes aimed at babies.

IMO babies do a physical leap then a brain leap then repeat- he’s doing physical stuff just now.
At that stage I used to put mine at the bottom of the stairs & let them climb up (following them) then scoop back to the bottom to start again repeat until no longer interested in climbing then read stories

My baby is 11 months and is exactly the same, don't worry. Some days we just walk lengths of the living room. Will not sit still, no interest in tv, she loves the radio and I say the same few things over and over again. Like banana and even though she doesn't point with her fingers she's started looking towards the bananas. So keep your eye out for really subtle things like where baby's eyes are looking for your reassurance. But honestly I say banana about 10000 times a day because we eat them a lot

I'm jealous of the babies that say mum and I'm sure those that are still laying down not crawling are jealous that our babies pootling round the house independently.

Just sit on the floor and let him clamber over you.

You're doing great, baby is happy.