Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

Original poster

Living with in-laws with toddler while pregnant

16 replies

KellySeas · 30/05/2020 01:42

We're currently living with in laws while we save for a house, our first child just turned one and all they do is tell us what to do all time with him, offering their unwanted opinions on EVERYTHING. I'm at the end of my tether! On top of this I'm pregnant with my second, hormones all over the place and feel so claustrophobic with it all. I don't feel like I can speak my mind with losing it so have to bite my tongue. I'm completely grateful for them helping us out but surely there's a line where they have to let us do things our own way. Just struggling at the minute and desperate for my own space.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

themaniac · 30/05/2020 02:04

Move out ASAP!

choli · 30/05/2020 03:27

Move out pay rent. See how you like that.

SomeoneElseEntirelyNow · 30/05/2020 04:14

You can't really live in their house, for free, with a toddler, and then bitch about them giving you advice. Your options are to suck it up and be grateful for the massive favour their doing you, or move out.

Alternatively, have you tried, you know, talking to them politely?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

bevelino · 30/05/2020 04:27

I don’t understand couples who live with their parents/in laws, start a family but then dare to moan about interference. It is so juvenile, move out, pay rent and grow up.

Namenic · 30/05/2020 05:00

Be tolerant, generous. Sure it is hard, but things don’t have to be perfect - a wide range of parenting is ok.

Louisepool · 30/05/2020 08:26

Jesus some of you lot are unhelpful. It's ok for me to not be eternally tolerant of all people all the time, I'm just a person, and a very hormonal one at that.

As I said I'm very grateful for their help, but surely helping someone out doesn't automatically give then an opinion on everything you do, or maybe it does, who knows!

Thanks @Namenic, you're right, that's what I needed to hear after a good sleep, thank you.

Let's hope the rest of you are as tolerant in difficult situations are you expect others to be x

arianwe · 30/05/2020 08:26

Oh that would drive me mad. I know everyone is saying they are doing you a massive favour etc, but that doesn't give his family the go ahead to try and parent your child and offer constant unwanted advice.

My MIL does this and I don't live with her and it drives me nuts, so don't know how you are coping.

Maybe get your partner to have a word with them and say it's upsetting you and making you feel like you're doing a shit job when they offer advice all the time. It half worked with my MIL. Alternatively, I would actually move out. I genuinely could not live with in laws and they will do the same thing with the next child.

Ughmaybenot · 30/05/2020 08:36

Mm, it would be annoying but raising it will cause issues imo.
You see it as unsolicited advice and interference in an already high-pressure situation, they see it as offering you more help and guidance while already very kindly giving you endless help by letting you save as you are currently. (Plus you probably annoy them too, that’s just life!). Neither of you are wrong as such, but it’ll not help anything to raise it imo.
Try to let it wash over you, see it for what it is, that they just want to help you, and appreciate their kindness. Use a couple of stock phrases ‘oh well thanks but this works for us!’ ‘DP and I have decided to try it this way but thank you’ etc. Focus on the good in them, and in your life. Occasionally, they may even say something worth listening to
Your only other alternative would be to move out.
All the best with saving.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 30/05/2020 08:39

Ignore it or move out- sorry but you’ve chosen to live in their home to be able to save, you didn’t hold off on baby number 2 so I say suck it up!

NerrSnerr · 30/05/2020 08:43

You've only got two realistic choices. Move out and rent and it takes longer to buy a house or try and diplomatically tell them but risk upsetting them when they're doing you a massive favour.

Louisepool · 30/05/2020 08:45

Thanks @arianwe and @Ughmaybenot its helpful advice and you're both completely right. Just needed a bit of a vent hehe x

SnuggyBuggy · 30/05/2020 09:47

I really hate the attitude that if someone does you a favour you have to be prepared to take any shit they want to dish out. It's not a nice way to live

Electrical · 30/05/2020 09:47

Are you the OP, but with a different name?

choli · 30/05/2020 11:53

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

Ignore it or move out- sorry but you’ve chosen to live in their home to be able to save, you didn’t hold off on baby number 2 so I say suck it up!

Indeed. I doubt your in laws bargained on two kids when they agreed to let you move in to save. How long do you intend to inconvenience them to suit your finances?

Louisepool · 30/05/2020 12:25

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SoloMummy · 30/05/2020 13:04

So in essence, you're living in an extended family setup, for reduced costs, wanting a nuclear family setup, where only your voice is heard?
There's only 1 way to achieve that. Move out.
My advice, embrace how easy you currently have it. And appreciate it! Especially with number 2 on the way.

Will you need/want childcare? Think before burning that expensive bridge.

Flip