My mum favouritise my children.

[riolou]

Hi , but if back story , my mum was never ever a good mum as I was younger. Never showed me no love just threw money at me.
Without making this extremely long basically I have 3 children 1 being a stepchild. He has been with me and my partner ( his father) for 4 years now. I have a close bond with him I treat him nothing less than I do with my own I do class him as my own too. My mum on the other hand , once my daughter was born alot of people noticed the " jokes" she expressed was a bit obsessive. She was constantly asking if I couldn't cope with my daughter she would have her etc. Never even showed any signs of not coping so i baffled by that thought I was only 19 so because SHE didn't cope at a young age she thought i Would be the same. She was wrong. She was obsessed with my first wanting to have her all the time but I didn't like her having her a lot I wanted my own time with her she was my child. My second child came and she showed NO interest in him at all! He was born and she didn't see him for 4-5 weeks before he was born she made a comment to her partner that she would only have my daughter over night but again that was a "joke" it wasn't , she never has had him because I couldn't trust her she didn't display any feelings towards him like she didn't my daughter , she says she doesn't really know him because I wouldn't let her have him because he was a poorly baby , had sepsis and was poorly for a while so I got PND I wouldn't let anyone take him hold him etc. She didn't understand that and used it against me. She barley takes notice in my DSS like really tries to ignore him and I won't stand for that I won't let anyone treat my 3 children differently in anyway shape or form! She constantly texts and tells me to get my daughter to FaceTime her but doesn't ask about my other two and we're constantly arguing over it. She calls me a psycho for arguing with her all the time about it says I'm mentally ill etc. All because I won't let her make my children not feel accepted. I don't let my daughter stay and haven't for months because she isn't going to do that to my children I won't let no favouritism go along when I'm around no thank . Any opinions, questions you all have or what to ask please do I need help in what to do next it's like circles constantly she's so toxic!! Sorry for long post.

Forgot to say she favourites me and my siblings too! My brothers the favourite my sister moved out at 7 to live with her father and I 'moved out at 14 to live with my gran and got my own place at 16 so my brothers always been favourite and I'm very close with my brother xx

Keep your children away from this toxic woman. That's my suggestion.

You are in charge of whether or not she sees her grandchildren, and if she won't play nicely, then she loses out. End of.

I think you’re doing the right thing. They need to be treated equally and if she can’t do that then she can’t see any of them. How horrible for you. 💐

I appreciate both your opinions I value them a lot! Thank you , it's so hard as she guilt trips me and my daughter cry's to speak to her to her I get texts and calls from her and her partner critiquing me , in 23 and if you new her you would think I would be that person aswell she's a well nown person she tells all her friends our arguments her side so that it makes me seem so bad like I'm using my kids as a weapon apparently but everything she says I'm doing is what she does and did as I was younger I don't do that she drank a lot and palmed us off ! People think I would end up like her , I don't drink smoke anything I don't go " partying " my satisfaction is to take my kids out whenever I can and be a proper mum. Something she wasn't or still isn't. My children have routines , bedtimes dinner and tea times but she called me a robotic mum because I have routines set in place , ( I never had routine I could do what I want) it's awful I don't want my children to hate me for cutting her out and she never lets me be she has everyone ringing me texting me putting on the waterworks I've give her benefit of the doubt i just can't with the stress

Sounds like you’re doing a cracking job, don’t doubt yourself.

@pilates thank you so much !

She's poison and she's jealous.
My guess is that she wants a second go at being a Mum after spectacularly messing up herself and has chosen your DD to use.
Very likely she will start dripping poison in her ear and she will try to estrange her from you. She wants to prove herself and is using your DD to inadvertently show you she has maternal feelings and place the blame on you about how she was with you as a child.
Keep her well away from your DC.

@Spied your so right! Everyone has said she's trying to do what she didn't do with you! Thanks for your opinions it's valued x

You sound like a lovely mum and it also sounds like so long as you keep asking what would mum have done? and then do the opposite you won't go far wrong.

In your last post you say 'Everyone has said she's trying to do what she didn't do with you!' so it sounds like people do have a very good idea of what is happening and support you. I suspect that they just agree with her to her face but really understand why you are keeping your distance.

Keep on doing what you are doing, you have got your values in the right place and your children's wellbeing at the top of your agenda.

@Khione hiya , the only people that agree with what she's doing is my friends her friends all think I'm wrong because they stick up her ass and don't see what I see and what everyone else sees

A good phrase to use and remember;

"You brought up your children they way you felt best, I will do the same with mine"

One of my DD is adopted. My MIL and SIL treated her differently. I never forgave my MIL (now dead) and never will forgive my SIL as a result she has very very little to do with any of my children

@andannabegins oh I'm so sorry to hear that hun? Hope your okay and that little one is okay too! She has the best mummy!!

We are fine. She is a bitch and a drunk any way. The kids are much better without her in their life. It just pisses me off when people treat kids within a family differently.