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Parenting

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16 month old lacks confidence

9 replies

Liland · 27/05/2020 20:34

Hope someone can share wisdom!

My 16 month old apparently lacks confidence. His nursery are great at getting him trying new things, but never push him believing he'll get there in his own time. But they say he's quite quiet and is scared of new people and new rooms (compared with the others in the baby room), and he will stay in the baby room longer than most because he's not ready to move up. He doesnt cry or object when the others take toys he's playing with etc. He is as hesitant with other children as adults.

What can I do to help him? I don't want him to struggle when he's older. He's a perfectly happy little boy, an only child so far. He attends nursery 4 full days a week, and he loves his key workers to bits. He's always happy when I pick him up and sometimes doesnt want to stop playing. At home he's usually attached to me, very affectionate, we read lots and play and all sorts. I would hope he feels secure with me and his dad. I'm still bed sharing with him. He doesnt really talk yet except mama, just mimics a few words. His understanding is good though, he follows commands etc. He was an early walker and is extremely active.

For background, he has severe reflux, cows milk protein allergy, and feeding aversion (bottle aversion resolved at 8 months). He only eats solids at nursery (he is under several nhs teams) and still wakes for formula through the night (he is underweight still, but mainly because he's tall). He's been poked by so many drs that I understand he's shy with new people (especially men).

I'm probably being pfb, I'm just a little worried for him and hope there's something I can do to help him.

OP posts:
PeanutDouglas · 27/05/2020 20:39

Stop worrying, please. I’m sure there’s absolutely nothing “wrong” with him at all. All babies are different, just as all adults are different. I’m a little confused as to whether the nursery are just making an observation about him “lacking confidence “ or whether they are concerned. I’m sure it’s the former, but you should sit down with them and clarify and maybe discuss how you can all provide support.

Liland · 27/05/2020 21:06

It's an observation, I dont think they're concerned. They just say they're trying to build up his confidence so he doesn't let the others take his stuff, they havent any suggestions for us. But they're not generally pushy anyway. I guess I'm projecting. DP is super confident, I was wishing for an easier life for my baby than taking after me and my complete lack of confidence!

I will ask them directly tomorrow if there's anything we should be doing. But i think they're going to say it's just a matter of time, and his character.

OP posts:
Pantheon · 27/05/2020 21:11

It sounds like he might just be more introverted, likes to work out a situation before jumping in. I wouldn't worry. All babies are different. I think a lot of toddlers go through stranger anxiety to varying degrees

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PeanutDouglas · 27/05/2020 21:15

You’re definitely projecting then. Don’t worry

Lifesabeach86 · 27/05/2020 21:17

My daughter really lacked confidence when she was little and then when she turned 4/5 became a resilient, strong, independent child, it was like a completely different child! Your son is still very young and will change so much in the coming months and years

ChaBishkoot · 27/05/2020 21:22

It will be fine. It’s his personality. He’s an observer. Some people are. DS1 is one of them. Never jumps in when he can watch. DS2 jumps first and thinks later.
DS1 though has a lot of friends because he’s so easy going. It takes him a while to make friends but once he does they are very loyal to him. (He’s 8- and I have noticed that he’s one of the few boys who has as many male friends as female friends. The girls like that he isn’t as boisterous).

Liland · 28/05/2020 05:47

Brilliant thanks! I knew I just needed to give my head a wobble! He will be who he will be :)

OP posts:
Laserbird16 · 28/05/2020 06:01

I wouldn't worry too much. He gets lots of love and that is what builds confidence. Some children just like to look before they leap. If you're really concerned, you say you lack confidence so maybe work on that so you can model positive behaviour for him.
For example I am a shocker when it comes to getting lost. My DD1 will sometimes say to me 'are we trying a different way?' as I always babble on about 'oh this is a different way, I wonder if this is another way to get to Emma's house? Let's give it a go!' While secretly feeling anxious and a bit of an idiot Biscuit for me Smile

BigRedBoat · 28/05/2020 09:14

My youngest dd is a bit shy, her nursery have said similar to you that if there is a different member of staff than usual working with her she is a bit wary but they didn't say it in a concerning way at all. When we're out and about she will tend to just stop and stare if strangers try and interact with her but with people she knows she is smiley and happy. I think some kids are just a bit more reserved than others, I don't think it's a bad thing to be wary of strangers.

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