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Parenting

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Original poster

I don't think I want kids?

13 replies

worried23xxx · 27/05/2020 16:31

I'm 22 so bit young to be thinking about this maybe but all of my friends think about how many kids they want and what names etc. and I just don't feel that way at all. I never have. I'm not very maternal and can't really imagine myself having children and going through pregnancy and labour. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 and a half years and I think we both feel similar.

Is this something I will maybe grow out of and as I get older I will become maternal or should I have those feelings at this age?

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BoomyBooms · 27/05/2020 16:35

I didn't at your age either. Tbh I never developed a burning desire to have kids. I now have a three month old, but I'm a lot older than you!

OrangeGinLemonFanta · 27/05/2020 16:37

I couldn't fathom the idea at 22. I had my first child at 33. You're very young, don't give it any thought for another 5 years or maybe even more. You may change your mind but equally you may not

Okrightbut · 27/05/2020 16:38

I'm 34 and have never wanted children I met my partner at 19 so I've had a long time to think about it. It's ok to not want them. But I think a lot of people who do want them of have had them didn't feel the same at 22.

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ScarfLadysBag · 27/05/2020 16:38

Yes, what @BoomyBooms said exactly!

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 27/05/2020 16:40

I would have been a terrible mum at 22. Ive just had my 1st at 33 and im only just about ready.

zafferana · 27/05/2020 16:40

At 22 I didn't really want kids either. I loved my life as it was and couldn't see any point where that would change, but it did. I had one at 33 and another at 37.

You may change your mind - or you may not OP. But don't do anything drastic about it when you're only 22. You have another couple of decades in which to change your mind - and you might!

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 27/05/2020 16:41

Also what boom said. I dont think ill be having a 2nd

Anotherchangeanothername · 27/05/2020 16:44

At 22 I didn’t have a desire to have kids.
I lived on three continents
I have a wonderful career
I’ve danced until the sun came up and spent ages travelling and experiencing new things.
Suddenly at 30 I wanted a kid, because I was with a new partner and I wanted a child with him, and probably wanted the experience
I love it. Being a mum is just the best. But I did it in my mid 30ies which was the right time for me.
Follow your heart and remember the french saying “only fools can’t change their minds”

GeraltOfRivia · 27/05/2020 16:47

I didn't have the burning desire for kids until I met my now husband. It was more having a family with him I wanted than kids in general.

ilovepuggies · 27/05/2020 16:55

I think just see how life plans out you never know how you feel in 10/20 years. Enjoy being young and in your relationship and don’t worry about children for now.
I have three and didn’t feel a strong urge until my mid 30s.
I have a few close friends who have not had children and probably won’t. Then I also have a few friends with one or more.
It’s a personal choice and totally fine either way.

PrimeroseHillAnnie · 27/05/2020 17:43

I wouldn't over-think it. There's a lot of old bollocks talked about when having kids. It's the hardest job in the world, they cost a fortune, it robs you of your freedom etc etc. Well I got married when I graduated at 22 and two babies followed in quick succession. Neither were planned and we had about £5 in the bank but they were both as goods as gold and I surprised myself by being "earth mother". They were the best years. Treasured memories.

Electrical · 28/05/2020 12:20

There are plenty of childfree people, producing offspring seems to be accepted as the default, ‘it’s what you do’ rather than putting any thought into whether or not they do be a good parent, or the potential kids future on this dying planet with food and water shortages and millions of climate refugees in the upcoming decades, it should factor hugely in people choice to not bother using contraception.
I can’t think of one reason why I would want to inflict my genes on someone. Life as a childfree woman is bliss.

Craftycorvid · 28/05/2020 12:25

You may or may not feel differently over time. Whatever you do decide is a valid choice and let no one tell you differently. Whatever path you choose you won’t escape a certain amount if ‘what ifs’ or some regret - that’s life. It’s also why it’s vital you listen to your feelings. I always knew children weren’t in the frame for me. I’m content with that decision but I have also reached an age where the poignancy of it is apparent too.

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