Husband. Am I wrong? ***content warning***

[Ftmy2019]

I'm not going to lie. Ftm and struggling. Well I'm hoping it will get easier as she is now 7 months. I pray it gets easier.

She is not a great feeder. It has been a struggle since day one and we were also in hospital for just over two weeks for other issues. (She was born early)

I was quiet stressed at the hospital. Felt like dark days. All mums would come and go with their babies and I was still there. I felt so helpless and lost.

I still can't forget about those days..

When we came home I spent most of my time feeding and burping. Feeding takes ages. But I don't give up.

I tell my sisters and mum and husband that I'm finding it hard but they keep laughing at me. I have stopped sharing anything with them. They truly don't get it/ understand it.

I love my sleep but haven't been getting much until recently. I have stopped late night feed and LO sleeping through the night.

I feed every three hours during the day and it is still taking up alot of my time but I keep going even though I am absolutely shattered.

• Husband works 6 days and has Tuesday off.

He leaves at 10:30am and comes home 11pm.

When I ask if he wants breakfast he say no he will have cake or pudding. I know he goes and has breakfast at work because he is a chef and said him self.

I still continue asking him if he wants breakfast and most days he says no and eats cake / pudding.

Most days I skip breakfast because its lo feeding time and I won't rest until I feed her.

I'm very tired. If he says no to breakfast then I won't prepare but if he says yes I will do it.

Lately he has been saying your useless you can't cook. You do nothing. You aint no woman.

I'm so exhausted with lack of sleep and the feeding.. he finds it funny. He says I'm crap and keeps saying you are not a woman..

I sleep downstairs. LO is with me in her cot. One night I woke up and saw him inserting his you know what into me. I was so scared. I said that is classed as rape. He got angry because I said that. I tried to get over it. I don't like doing it with him.. he gets really aggressive and just hurts me and when I tell him he is hurting me he says its all in your head. I'm scared to sleep in the same bed as him.

I have made an excuse and said matress makes too much noise (which is does) wakes lo so we staying down stairs.

Other than that he during the day he goes with my flow - where I went to go he will come etc.

I don't know how to feel. I just care for my LO.

Sorry for the long post. Am I wrong with the breakfast issue? Shall I make the breakfast every morning even though I get tired with the feeding and even when he says he doesn't want to eat?

I just needed to talk to someone.

Oh my that is so long :/

You’ve bigger issues than the breakfast conundrum.
First congratulations on your child,it’s a hard time and you should give yourself some credit.
You’ve done well,do not let his words cut you down.
When a person speaks like this to you,they are talking about themselves and their own failings.
It’s not you,also it’s way out of order fir him to do this.
The sexual incident,that is rape.
Think long and hard if you want to stay in this relationship,I don’t know everything you do but I Susie this it won’t get any better.

Didn’t want to read and run but Doesn’t sound good OP. I think you have bigger issues than breakfast. Have you got some support other than you’re partner?

Youre focusing On the wrong thing. Stop offering him breakfast. He doesnt want it and doesnt deserve it.

Phone your GP or womens aid and read out your post to them. They can unpack all the issues.

I agree with others. Your husband is your issue not breakfast. You dont mention him ever feeding baby either, why should it all be on you? Why cant he, a chef, make your breakfast? A decent man would understand how hard your job is, help out with baby and cooking and under no circumstances rape you or hurt you if you consent. Get some help, if not from family & friends then womans aid or the like.

You need support. You sound very low and he is abusing you emotionally and sexually. Please contact woman’s aid.

Is there anyone you can talk to outside your family? I feel quite worried for you, you sound exhausted and sad. Are you frightened of him?

This is quite disturbing op, you’re asking about a minor breakfast issue and drip feed in your husband rapes and abuses you. Like it’s a side story.

That’s clearly the much bigger issue, I also think you need support here, you need help to get out of this situation, be it women’s aid or some other support network.