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Parenting

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Original poster

I need help

26 replies

OooAhhh · 25/05/2020 17:15

I feel like I'm failing. I'm not. I know deep down I'm not, but I need your help.

My little boy is happy and healthy, really he is fantastic and is the apple of my and husband's eyes!

He's been breastfed from birth. He's nearly 6 months. I CANNOT get him to drink from a bottle or cup. I'm due back to work soon and I have major anxiety about being able to feed him while I'm gone.

What do I do? And I mean physically, what do I do? Do I continue to try when he starts crying? Do I refuse the breast until he takes a cup? Any help right now will be greatly appreciated as I'm totally at a loss.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

1moreRep · 25/05/2020 17:17

op i literally was the same with dd2, she would never take a bottle, i chose a nursery near my work and planned to pop in to feed her, however, day 1 she took a bottle from the nursery nurse! she never had a problem

1moreRep · 25/05/2020 17:17

she's nearly 9 now!

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 25/05/2020 17:20

Have you tried going out for the day leaving him with say your partner (if you have one), or with a relative to feed him? Smelling you and your boobs won’t help.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3-6 months old 6-9 months old Babies & sleep Breast & bottle feeding

NuffSaidSam · 25/05/2020 17:24

Lots and lots of babies will take a bottle from nursery nurse/nanny or other relative but won't take a bottle from their mum. It's because he knows you've got the good stuff doesn't want second best!

Hairydogmummy · 25/05/2020 17:38

Yes definitely get someone else to do the cup feeding until he gets used to it. Preferably starting with a few times where you've made yourself scarce.

Spottybluepyjamas · 25/05/2020 18:08

It sounds harsh, but I went away for the weekend with my friends when my son was 7 months old and he'd never taken a bottle. I was trying desperately until the day I went, and eventually just had to leave. My husband kept saying not to worry and that he wouldn't let himself starve if he had the option of a bottle, and he was right!

Once I was away for a few hours he was actually ok about it. He definitely preferred boob, but he was absolutely fine. So my advice is to leave for a day - he'll be fine.

If the option of you and your boobs are there, he probably won't take a bottle. Even your smell will probably discourage him from taking a bottle - so I'd say leave for a whole day if possible.

Original poster

OooAhhh · 25/05/2020 19:49

Thank you for taking the time to respond to me. I've had a breakdown tonight after putting my little one to bed. I know at the end of the day he is fed and healthy. I just can't see light at the end of the tunnel and wish I'd never started breastfeeding at this point.

I haven't tried a day away, just an hour at a time maybe. I will try to do this but harder at the moment with lockdown measures.

What are your opinions re when baby is crying and crying. Do you just keep going?

Sorry for all the questions, I'm a first time mum and no one in my family has breastfed so I have no one for advice.

OP posts:

Hunkyd0ry · 25/05/2020 19:56

Kelly mom website is good for advice.

I never gave my little girl a bottle. She wouldn’t take it from me. But she had days away and was fine at nursery. As others have said it’s hardest for you to give a bottle as it is confusing for baby as they can smell the milk.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 25/05/2020 19:59

You cut down a feed at a time OP, dont cut it off all at once OP- not good for either of you. If you can still feed at night. It’s easier once they start trying foods

Pinkblueberry · 25/05/2020 20:02

My friend used something called a doidi cup quite successfully - it’s a slanted cup. I think many bf babies aren’t keen on bottles and cups can still be a bit tricky at that age. Worth a try maybe?

Pippinsqueak · 25/05/2020 20:09

I was the same, I brought lots of different non spill cups until I found the "one". My daughter was ebf, never took a bottle. Your little one will get it,

If you can get someone else to encourage drinking from something (you are always going to be "bobs milk bar, drinking station)

I promise it will happen

LivingThatLockdownLife · 25/05/2020 20:15

First step is have a cry and let it all out
Then regroup and focus. This is a situation 1000s of women have been in before and all of us and our babies have made it, so will you and your LO.

Baby is unlikely to take a bottle or cup from you. You must trust DH with this.

Do it gradually.

Baby will feed more after work and through the night (assuming you are not a shift worker) to make up for it at first. This is true even if you had had more success with the bottle before. You're baby's main carer, of course they want to feed and get the comfort of being near you.

It will be fine, honestly.

Original poster

OooAhhh · 26/05/2020 04:34

Thank you everyone. It has really gotten to me today/yesterday. I feel so let down by the health professionals as they don't seem to want to help. I think because they assume I'll just stop breastfeeding altogether. I won't, I love feeding him, I just need to get to a point where he will drink from something but me as well.

Any of you who have been through this, please can you help me with any techniques that worked for you? For my husband to try. It's obviously new to him now.

OP posts:

Pippinsqueak · 26/05/2020 05:24

My daughter is 16 months and still breast feeds ( albeit more for comfort/help get back o sleep etc), I am at the stage where I want to start reducing and by two I want to have stopped. I work four days a week (from home at the mo) so you can carry on breastfeeding, work and have a baby that's weaning.

busface999 · 26/05/2020 05:42

Look up 'paced feeding' which is how to bottle feed in a way that mimics breastfeeding, it mimics the let downs of the breast, rather than the baby gulping down a whole bottle which they're not used to.

Honestly the best technique of all is just to go out/go away! I went back to work when my little boy was 10 months old. He'd fed from me every single day and night before then. When I wasn't there he just had to cope! As others have said, mine would take a bottle or cup from others eventually. But if your boobs are there, he's gonna scream for boob!

busface999 · 26/05/2020 05:46

Ps. It sounds like it's causing you nothing but stress at the moment. I'd honestly give yourself a break from trying. Just breastfeed him for a while. Forget about trying other things. Come back to it when you feel better! He needs a happy mum

DemolitionBarbie · 26/05/2020 06:15

What other people have said.

I'd also say you should plan a few days where you leave him with someone else and pretend you're going to work, before you actually go to work.

That way you won't be dealing with worrying about him and working, and you can get right back to him if it doesn't go well.

Babies are more adaptable than you think, he'll be OK.

Nyx · 27/05/2020 15:12

Hi OP, I know how you feel as well because I was in your situation when it was time for me to go back to work when my dd was 6 months old. She wouldn't take a bottle at all, ever, from anyone. I had to leave her with the childminder and I was so stressed about it. However my lovely childminder never batted an eyelid. She just laughed and told me not to worry, dd would take some water from a cup if necessary and honestly, it'll be fine, please just off you go. You'll see her later and can sit on the couch feeding her all night if necessary (it wasn't!)
It will be fine. Feed your baby before you go, then when you are home from work. Honestly, it will be ok. Best of luck back at work

NuffSaidSam · 27/05/2020 16:52

I've had success with the 'closer to nature' teats.

Your DH just needs to be calm and persistent. He needs to use his intuition to work it out, maybe singing will work, or walking round while feeding, maybe it will be better if he doesn't make eye contact. Trial and error.

Muffinandcake123 · 27/05/2020 19:20

I have been having feeding issues since day one! Had no milk for breastfeeding so used formula. Everyday has been a struggle. 7 months on and still a struggle. I can't go out any where. Just feeding my LO is my main priority. It takes ages but I don't give up. But OP I know how you feel. People keep saying it will get easy.. I hope so

NuffSaidSam · 27/05/2020 20:39

If you're struggling to feed a 7 month old I would seek advice from your HV or GP. A 7 month old should be feeding well.

Original poster

OooAhhh · 28/05/2020 06:02

Hi ladies, just wanted to say thank you for all of your comments. I am in a significantly better place now and stopped stressing myself out. I still worry about getting him on to a bottle or cup but now know that winding myself up is only going to make things worse. I'm going to step back from trying for a few days and then get back to it. Thanks again x

OP posts:

Pippinsqueak · 29/05/2020 15:39

What did was buy/borrow a few different type of non spill cups/beakers and lined them up with water on our fire place and let her play/work it out for herself

FL59 · 30/05/2020 20:58

I would also recommend that you stop trying. I was in exactly the same position and trying just drove me to tears everyday and caused me so much stress. I was also wishing I'd never started breastfeeding and was so resentful and mad that noone warned me that sometimes you can't simply switch to a bottle!
But, it all worked out! I went back to work (I was gone 12 hours a day!) and fed him morning and evening and he just switched to taking huuuuge feeds and that was enough for him. With the odd bit of food at nursery to keep him going. Then around 9 months he only had the evening feed, with a bit of expressed milk in his morning weetabix. And eventually when he turned one he started drinking milk at nursery from a cup and now loves his milk.
I am still in disbelief how it just magically worked itself out but it really did. I promise it will be OK, enjoy feeding today and don't think too much about tomorrow! All the best

yikesanotherbooboo · 30/05/2020 21:59

Op there are loads of threads on this and it is something that an awful lot of us worry about but it always ime sorts itself. Firstly it is very unlikely that your baby will take to a silicone teat or a hard rubber beaker when they can smell their reliable , warm , comforting Mummy nearby who moreover will produce a breast if they start to cry. Leave your baby with your partner for a few hours, a few times and they will rapidly realise that comfort can come from sources other than their mother's breast. Continue to feed your baby when you are around of course but if you are not there they will not starve. Nursery nurses are professional carers of babies , if you haven't got on top of this before you go back to work they will sort it. Try not to worry., so many of us have been in your shoes.

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