Feel like I’m boring to baby :(

[milcmxxx]

Hi everyone I made a thread just a few days ago about how my little baby smiles more for dad. But it’s getting to me!! Is there any reason why this could be? He was speaking and she turned her head for him and then I tried and she didn’t :(. I look after her all day and I play, sing and talk but I also have to do other things, she naps on me, I feed her etc. Am I doing something wrong?? She does smile for me but I feel I sometimes have to work harder for it than her dad she just smiles at him instantly!! I feel like I’m not as fun and I worry we aren’t forming an attachment bond. Sorry to post again it was just a bit upsetting tonight as I was really struggling.

You're not. She probably likes you better than anyone in the world but dont tell dad! He's a novelty if he's out of the house more. You are her everything.

All babies are different, just as all children or adults are different.

Some become enormously clingy to Main Carer and scream if they so much as try to leave the room to have a wee. Others think Non-Main Carer is exciting and funny and free entertainment, and hang on their every word. Still others (and i’m looking at you here, dd1), appear to not care if either parent is present as long as there is a sufficiently fawning audience of grandparents, nursery key workers, and assorted family friends.

None of them are wrong, and it’s definitely no reflection on either parents, it’s just (currently) what your baby is interested in. It may stay the same, it may flip 180 in a few months. The important thing is to not feel judged, babies aren’t capable of it, just breathe a sigh of relief when fun daddy comes in, say “Here you go, darling” and go and have half an hour’s peace. And a martini.

She sees you 24/7. You are her whole world as you are with her so often and do so much for/with her. Being a parent is a thankless task.

He’s a novelty- hence the smile- I once read about a parent who, in retaliation, encouraged her baby’s first word to be Dada....that way at 3am the first parent that would have to attend would be her DH because that’s who DC would be shouting for,
In the real world, esp if breastfeeding or doing the majority of feeds anyway because dad is at work, you Are the face she sees most so are most reassuring & calming rather than funny.
I imagine he feels pretty rubbish that he can’t calm her but she settles instantly for you.
Just relax and enjoy your baby, you are not boring her.

How old is your baby? When they're really little they don't really understand that you and baby are different people. You're her everything, but also part of her (as far as she is aware). Dad is different and novel. Don't take it personally!

Dad is a novelty to her, whereas you are simply an extension of her as far as she is concerned at this point. She doesn't need to reward you with smiles as much as dad because you're always there. It's nothing at all to worry about.

Mines is and was the same at the little stage. A toddler now but comes to me when upset and follows me everywhere but still has a glint in her eye when dads home!

Enjoy the fact she has two loving parents who she feels safe and secure with!

My children have more carry on with dad but always want me if upset or hurt. Both favourites at different times.

You're baby loves you more than anything. You aren't doing anything wrong at all.

You're being too hard on yourself, although I remember feeling similar and over analysing stuff like this.

You are your baby's constant. You shared blood and a body until recently. She only knows the world at the moment with you in it. Apparently it takes babies quite a while to develop a sense of self, so in a way she sees you and her as one entity.

Daddy is more novel in that sense. It doesn't mean she finds you boring, far from it.

I voiced the same concerns at a baby group pre lockdown when my son was 8 weeks. They all said its because Im with baby all the time. I cant remember when it started happening, but he now smiles at me all the time. I love the morning smiles especially, when I pick him up from his crib. Daddy still gets smiles too but I can get more giggles than daddy can. He's 21 weeks now.

Our 18 month old openly prefers her dad and has done since about 9 months old. No idea why, we both work full time, and if anything I do more of the personal care e.g. changing, dressing. I take it as she’s very secure in my attachment to me.

This morning when I went to get her out of her cot she said NO and batted me away, so I sent DP to get her and am still in bed. I’m going to enjoy it while it lasts!