9 week old seems so unhappy

[Woodlandwalks]

My baby girl will be 9 weeks old tomorrow. Overnight I swaddle her and she will sleep in her crib overnight (obviously with lots of feeds too) which I'm grateful for but during the day she hates to be put down at all for sleep. I can't get anything done at all, I just sit and stare at the TV for hours whilst she sleeps. I try to interact with her as much as I can when she's awake but end up trying to get something to eat and do some housework and just plonk her on her play mat so I can do something because she will not go down to sleep at all.
I keep reading different sleep training tips and to put her down before she's asleep but she just cries as soon as she's tired and won't stop until I pick her up again. I bought a sling but she really doesn't seem to like it at all and cries after only a few minutes in it.... The only thing she likes is to sleep on me but the sitting still for hours is driving me mad. Please help!

Sorry.. the title should have said 9 week old seems so unhappy to be put down for her nap.

Have you tried a sling? It will free up your hands when she’s sleeping.

Sorry I must have missed that you’d tried it. Maybe a different type?

My DS was like this...even at night to be honest it just took time. I just kept trying to put him down and eventually he took to it at about two or three months I think...sorry, not very helpful advice, just don't give up, it won't last forever x

Just remember they're still very small at this age. My DS was a bit like this and I used to sit there for hours too.
Is there anyone around that can do the housework for you?

9 weeks is still so very tiny! It’s not reasonable to expect her to sleep in the crib alone - anyone who tells you otherwise is living in a fantasy world! She has spent 9 months living inside you and the big wide world is scary. She is totally reliant on you for Survival - when you put her down, she is frightened and that’s why she cries until you pick her back up and she knows she is safe again.

I totally get the whole feeling busy when they’re awake worry, I’m the same! My LO is 13 weeks and naps on me during the day and in the cot at night (he is cuddled to sleep and then rolled in).

But you know what? He’s the happiest little baby, but wouldn’t be if I tried to make him nap alone ! Because he feels safe and secure, he is content. Sure, the sitting around is boring at times but I’ve been reading, FaceTiming people, playing xbox, knitting, etc. Do you have any hobbies you could do or take up to help pass the time?

when he’s awake if I have to do things I just make sure he can see what I’m doing and talk about it - this is an excellent and easy way for them to learn language! Plus at that age they can’t really do much else other than watch and listen. If he was massively overtired from being put down in a cot, waking, crying etc he wouldn’t be able to develop properly during his wake time anyway, we’d all be stressed to all of buggering hell, and I still wouldn’t get anything done because I’d be trying to force him to do something that goes against his every instinct! And why? So I can scrub the toilet or hang the washing up? Because a book told me to? Baby doesn’t care about any of those things!

You may find that liking the sling comes in time - also are you putting it on correctly? It’s so easy to do it wrong - I know I did for ages! Even now he will kick off massively for about 5 minutes and then is spark out! It’s literally like he’s mad as hell and then a switch goes off and he’s asleep😂 But seriously, when I first put him in you’d think I was murdering him! What type are you using? Changing types really helped as it was more comfortable for him when I was sitting down

Look at it this way - when baby is all grown up, will you look back at these days and wish you’d spent less time cuddling her and more time doing chores? Of course not! Nobody regrets the time they spent cuddling their newborn.

Throw the sleep guides etc away, seriously. They are all bullshit designed to make mums feel bad and buy stuff. Just so what makes you and baby happy and the rest will fall into place ❤️ You cannot spoil a newborn with cuddles, start bad habits, or any of the other ridiculous crap some of these guides come out with!

You are doing an amazing job and clearly care very deeply about your baby, so just go with it! 👍😀

@Eggcellent29 that was an amazing empathetic post and you have summed up my thoughts exactly! OP I know it's so hard, hang on in there, Egg has made a lot of really useful points. Snuggle your baby, everything else gets by on the bare minimum and remember this too will pass. Big hugs, you're doing a great job!

Just to add that my little boy is the same as Eggcellent's with the sling. He's 13 weeks now and he's been napping in the sling since he was a few weeks old but even so he usually fusses or cries for the first few minutes he's in there, so it might be worth persevering.

@Eggcellent29 Thank you so much for taking the time to post that reply! It was really helpful and gas made me think differently about what she needs.

You are absolutely all right! I need to stop thinking of it as an inconvenience and start thinking of it as a blessing to have my baby so close and cuddly. I suppose I've just been thinking that I should be having her down for a nap by now as all the other babies I know are doing it so thinking that I've been doing something wrong. But if it's all right and not going to stunt her development then I suppose I best crack on with the next boxset.
Thank you.

It’s not reasonable to expect her to sleep in the crib alone - anyone who tells you otherwise is living in a fantasy world!

My DS is 4 weeks old and I try to put him down in his crib alone for several naps a day. I can’t just sit on the sofa for weeks on end without moving - I would go mad! But now I’ve read this I’m worried that I’m being cruel to my baby and even frightening him by putting him in his crib

@newmum234 - don’t feel like that. I roll my eyes at those judging a mum for wanting to have her hands free for 20 minutes here & there! It would be incredibly intense not to put your baby down for a little while! We all need a breather & we all have jobs to do such as housework, cooking and possibly caring her older children!

My baby is 9 weeks & sleeps happily in her crib. Not for long if I’m honest, the max nap we get is 50 minutes but she is happy as larry being put down to sleep! She needs a little rock of her crib to get her to nod off but she never cries. Just lays there and shuts her eyes! Not all babies need to be cuddled to sleep. We do of course have some cuddle naps.. having one right now as she fell asleep being burped! I really enjoy them but as she’s my second baby & my toddler can’t go to nursery at the mo, I don’t have the luxury of laying on the sofa & watching TV. If baba falls asleep on me, then I inevitably have to put CBeebies on the telly to entertain my toddler while I can’t play with them!

This little one doesn’t magically settle in a sling either. She will sometimes do a 30-50 minute nap in it but other times, you can be walking around & jigging for up to an hour and no sign of a snooze. When she does sleep in it, you can’t do jobs. If I put the hoover on, she wakes. If I bend to empty the washing machine, she wakes. If I sit down to play with my toddler, she wakes. It’s def not a magic solution for us! And I’ve been trying for 9 weeks!

So long as you are giving baby lots of cuddles while awake and meet your babies specific needs then they can sleep anywhere! Baby needs to eat, sleep & be loved. If your baby happily sleeps in a cot, then you are meeting their sleep needs. If they need to be held, then you are again meeting their sleep needs.

@HighInTheHills Thank you 🥰

@Woodlandwalks You are more than welcome, I’m glad I could help! I know that I went through it all and how I was feeling. It was my Mum that sat me down and asked me quite simply “why are you doing this to yourself?” Now I ask myself the same question whenever things are getting on top of me and if the answer isn’t “because it is what is best for my baby and my family” I try something else.

@newmum234 I am so sorry that I’ve made you feel this way, it really wasn’t my intention at all. Every baby and Mum is different. If your baby is happy and settled in the cot, then that’s fantastic!! He clearly feels safe and secure. @Bol87 makes some excellent points! My LO is my only child and I am on mat leave, so I am able to sit around with him. He is also a heavy sleeper (I regularly hoover with him in the sling for example) so that side of things is much easier for me, but as Bol rightly points out, that’s not the case in her house so she has to do things differently. Ultimately we are both doing what is best for our babies in our situations, as are you, and that’s what’s important!