How to cope 2 under 2 after c sec

[Snowbear20]

Number 2 arrived in dramatic style and although I'm feeling great I'm worrying about when DH goes back to work in 3 weeks.

No family who we want to move in to help long term and no space to anyway. Grandparents are local enough to have toddler 1 day a week but we're not yet allowed are we?!

Toddlers nursery reopens mid June but with limited spaces so have asked if people aren't working to hold off for a month or so (which i fully appreciate).

How do I cope? Toddler is a very clingy thing who is finding my inability to pick him up really tough. Hes not a TV fan and its so hilly around here not sure walks are on the cards yet

Bump

No advice to offer but I'll be in a similar position soon with a newborn and a 15mo, so will keep an eye on this thread lol. Good luck OP

Thank you, and to you! How long do you have til your section?

What toys does your toddler like? I have a bigger age gap and haven’t experienced a c-section before, but trains and cars will keep my eldest busy for a while. We have a mat in his room with lots of road markings on. If I sit down on that to feed the baby he will usually be happy moving his cars around the roads. Making train tracks also keeps him busy for a while. In the garden maybe some ride on toys.

Hes well stocked with toys etc its more when he does dangerous things I'm not going to be able to pick him up to move him. His tantrums are coming along too and you need to move him sometimes to calm him.

@Snowbear20 thank you! Well she's due 9th July but I still don't know if/when I'll get to have a section. Health problems that have arisen during this pregnancy have made me want one, but midwives have given me no info or help about it and I don't see my consultant again in I'm 36+5! Crazy to think if its approved it could happen probably in the first week of July time is flying now

@Snowbear20 that does sound tricky... my little boy is four so past the worst of his Toddler tantrums, I think you need advice from someone with a similar age gap. I think at that age I mostly used distraction. What kind of dangerous things is your toddler doing? The virus is making parenting so much more tricky x

@pixiefringe how exciting!! Hopefully by the time she arrives a level of family/friends interaction will have been added to the guidlines so you will have some support options....id like to think by then it will be on the cards

@Intastellaburst just climbing everything and threatening to jump off all the time. Hes not really a toy lover, more of a wild animal that needs to run around in a field

Can you make the environment any safer? Ie remove/ tie in place dining chairs so that he can’t get on table? Not ideal long term, but if you can have a reorganise to get through 3 weeks after husband goes back to work, then may be able to have some help/ be physically more up to it?
Try and make some time each day to go a bit crazy- jumping on cushions on floor, little indoor trampoline etc. If you have a garage/ storage I would loose some of the risky furniture (coffee table??) and add some safe indoor climbing/ jumping. Then you can redirect rather than trying to stop naturally physical child.
Also- a special den for when You need quiet time?

@Cantchooseaname yup all that is already done, all furniture secured and moved to minimal risk areas. Its things like he will use the dining chairs to climb up and stand on the table if you turn your back (no way of sectioning off the dining table when cooking, we've looked into it). He has dedicated climbing toys as we hoped they would direct his climbimg in a positive manner but no luck sadly

I cant even get to the floor to do his nappy changes though let alone anything else

Had a friend possibly offer to move in when she finds out about her furlough being extended. I am really hoping she can.

We had this. I found Peppa pig helped enormously.

He will watch about an hour or so, which is a start

I had this.

I made a special box with exciting toys which only came out when I was feeding DC2, to keep DC1 occupied.

Definitely use screen time and don't feel bad about it.

Have you got somewhere standing height where you can change them? I used the dining table (not used for dining during that time!)

Also we had a play pen, a good pace to keep one or the other safe when needed.

@mymymymymy the playpen is long gone sadly as it wasnt a success. We do have a waist height table for nappy changes but I'd have to lift up there as nappy changes are a fight and I'm not going to be able to.

I'm wondering if accepting 2 days family help a week would be deemed as them helping someone vulnerable (me as I'm likely to damage the c sec recovery if i have to pick dc1 up multiple times a day)?!

Congratulations OP! How old is your little one now? Did you have a CS with your first?

I've got 19 months between my two, and had a CS for both. The youngest is 3 months old now so I was in your shoes not long ago!

My advice would be to use your DH to do all the (literal) heavy lifting for now, but build up slowly before he goes back to work. I could get my DS up to the change table once or twice a day by about 2 weeks and was fine with all nappy changes by week 3, but it was longer before I could manage the high chair. Luckily DH was home for breakfast and dinner so DS just had his lunch on a blanket on the floor.

Be careful not to do what we did and leave all the care of your eldest to your DH. It's easy to do while you're caring for baby and aren't strong enough to lift/wrestle with the toddler, but we think my DS ended up feeling a bit pushed out by me. He'd be as good as gold for DH while I slept, and then as soon as I appeared he would start misbehaving. Make sure your eldest still gets some one on one time with you.

As for keeping the toddler busy while you're feeding baby, that's harder! I tried so hard to read books and interact with play from the sofa, but had to keep shouting and getting up to move him. TV worked for us - perhaps not ideal but everyone is less stressed this way.

DC1 is 22m and was a c sec too. Its mainly nappy changes as first you have to catch the toddler before a kicking and screaming session and then finally the nappy change.

We've been making sure to have lots of DC1 cuddles and telling DC2 loudly he needs to go into his cot so DC1 can have a cuddle. Happy to use TV when needed, in a few months it won't happen as much so its all a balance