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How do you make a middle child feel special?

28 replies

annieapple7 · 19/09/2007 22:32

Hi all,
I have been reading Psychologies magazine in the bath and have realised I have practically ruined DS2's life by making him the middle child!
They are mosre likely to do worst at school, and to find it harder to do well in later life.
I have a DS1, 5, DS2, 3, and DD1, 8 months.
Come on mums of 3, how do you make your middle child feel special?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
dolally · 20/09/2007 22:13

they are better behaved alone as you say...and it's good for us mums(dads) to see them like that...to have time alone with them gives us time to remember tht there's so much more to them individually than the unit of 3 kids that they are most of the time...

I treated dd's 2 and 3 as a unit when they were younger, closer in age they are. I rather relied on dd1 to put herself to bed while I dealt with the younger two. Feel a bit guilty about that!!

Ecmo · 20/09/2007 22:20

have a 4th then you'll have 2 in the middle and they can moan to each other about it all!!

SlackSally · 20/09/2007 23:55

Ooooh, I'm the middle of three girls. I don't think I was particularly traumatised by it, but there are certain memories (still) of what, at the time, seemed great injustices.

I was much closer in age to my elder sister than my younger, so the elder and I were often treated as a unit, and the younger on her own. To my own child's mind, this always seemed to play out in negative ways: 'you two are old enough to do the washing up, but younger isn't' 'you two need to behave properly and set an example to younger'. Or, on the other hand 'you can't do/get x, because you're not old enough' which would always be something that younger would be far too young to be bothered about. Another thing was that any successes I had at school, for example, were treated as routine, rather than great achievement, as elder had already done roughly as well as I did.

But as I said, I wasn't particularly traumatised by it and I can see the disadvantages to other positions in the family (well, the oldest, certainly, can't really think of any for being the youngest, though I'm sure someone will put me right). Also, due to certain other factors, I'm by far the most independent sister of the three (although baby still has time to change that).

As others have said, just treat them as individuals, try not to treat them as 'the boys' or 'the older/younger ones' and remember that however they turn out will have at least as much to do with personality and outside factors as it does with position in the family.

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