Feel like a bad mum

[PurpleThistles84]

I’m really struggling today and feeling like I’m doing bad job with my baby. He will be 11 months old in three days and is the youngest of five children. My four other children are all much older, aged 10,11,13 and 15.

My baby is very behind in his gross motor skills. He started sitting unaided for short periods two weeks ago, but seems to have forgotten how to do it now. He doesn’t roll over unless I put him on his stomach which he absolutely hates where no amount of trying to amuse him will keep him happy, he will cry and flip himself onto his back. Obviously no crawling etc.

My older four were all on the move by his age and I am so worried it’s my fault. He hated tummy time from the word go, he had issues with reflux and tight neck muscle after being born by ventouse with the cord twice round his neck so tight it bruised him, he was such a sad little soul for the first 12 weeks. He is now for the most a smiley little man. He can clap, pat his belly, says mum mum and dad dad and is hitting all other milestones (I think)

I worry I don’t play with him enough too. I read him his books, he loves the peekaboo one that came in the book bag when he was newborn. I show him how to do his pop up today and sing him silly made up songs a lot.

The older kids, my eldest acts like the baby doesn’t exist (she is aspergers), the two middle older dc love the baby and do play with him for short periods. My 4th dc ‘likes’ the baby but is autistic and gets irritated easily by the baby making repetitive noises.

My brother had his first dc two months after my baby and my lovely nephew is already crawling, pulling himself up and trying to walk. I’m so pleased for him and can’t wait until I can meet my nephew when travelling is allowed again, but it makes me all the more aware that my baby isn’t doing any of that.

I don’t think I am doing anything different than I did with my other four and I do know the age that babies do things at varies vastly. My eldest walked at 9 months old, her sister didn’t walk until she was nearly 17 months old. It’s just that they were all at least sitting up by my babies age and rolling over.

I worry that his birth might have caused developmental issues though the registrar at the time of his birth did say they were confident he hadn’t been starved of oxygen. They had to cut the cord before his body was born because it was so tight and his shoulders got stuck so they had to use ventouse which came off on the first pull but got him out on the second.

I don’t know what I’m looking for, I just feel like I am failing my little man.

Aww hun im sure your doing fine please dont think your doing anything wrong. As you said all babies develope differently. My dd hates tummy time aswell. I also found ( dont know if its hje same inyour house ) . My older kids do everything for the younger so he was lazy. If your worried you counld speak to your hv xx

Do speak to someone if you're worried but babies do develop differently, my twins started crawling at four months, eldest never bothered and learnt to walk like two days before he was one having been stationary till that point.

Bad mums don't worry about being bad mums!

My oldest couldn't hold his head up on his own until about 7 months or sit up alone for even longer! My second has been holding his head up since birth and almost sitting at 4 1/2 months. All babies are different and that's okay.

If he still isn't hitting his milestones in a few months then you can speak to a doctor. But if you're kids are clean, happy and well fed then you're doing brilliant. We all feel like sh×t mums sometimes. It's part of being a parent.

Being in lockdown is harder because they aren't able to interact with the world as we want them to right now, but they will catch up.

xx

Thanks for the replies, I just can’t help worrying about him and honestly, feeling a little judged, even though no one actually is! It’s like I think because I’ve had four already, people expect me to be an old pro and for there to be no problems.

It’s not helping that the home school task from the older kids teacher was to make fruit and veg bugs. I don’t actually have fresh fruit and veg in at the moment, just frozen because I did a months shop and what I did buy fresh got ate/used very quickly. I felt really embarrassed having to tell her and just feel miserable. We live in a little village and the little shop is closed today so I couldn’t go and get anything either.

It’s a new school as we have only lived here for 6 months now and they didn’t cope very well with my autistic son so I feel like I’m under scrutiny. She did reply and was very nice so it’s probably all in my head.

Make a caterpillar out of frozen peas/sweetcorn