Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

Original poster

does anyone else get annoyed when everyone says ypur baby look like everyone else but you?s

21 replies

alesha123445 · 20/05/2020 17:34

my family say my little one looks like both me and my partnet and dont exclude either of us. my partners family and friends constantly comment about how she looks like my mil, exactly like my partner or his brother as a baby, how she got her looks from their family, she has their dark brown eyes (she has a bluey hazel from me) It really bothers me, it makes me feel like im invisible to them and they dont see me as part of her. They have a massive family with hubdreds of friends so these comments are really frequent and on every picture of my baby posted.
do these comments bother anyone else?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

alesha123445 · 20/05/2020 17:35

sorry for the bad grammer by babys in my other arm wriggling

OP posts:

Kaykay066 · 20/05/2020 17:39

Every baby has to look like someone and generally they don’t, perhaps a characteristic or two but it’s a thing, people just say it for small talk I think.

Of my 4 sons my eldest is the double of his dad no 2 could be anyone’s, no3 is double of his dad and no4 doesn’t look like any of them, they are all different. But none looked like anyone as babies, I ignored the looky likey chat and the do it this way because that’s how I did it from gp’s etc and did it my way. I have 4 amazing kids. Ignore don’t be annoyed by it as in 10 years your baby will either resemble one of you or Mrs Smith 2 doors down or not it’s not a big deal

MammytoElla · 20/05/2020 17:40

Nope, I was the first one to say my little one looked like her dad. Then now she's 10 month she looks like my sister mostly.
I took it when I had a child that they could look like any member of either side of the family. Do you have good relationship with your other half's side of the family?
Your not invisible, your her mother, nothing can change that

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

TheHighestSardine · 20/05/2020 17:45

Some kids really take on from one side, not much you can do about it.

It's not always real either - I've a brother who looked exactly like our entirely unrelated stepdad did when he was tiny!

Gunpowder · 20/05/2020 17:52

Bah ha! I think YANBU!

I’ve got three girls who all look very like my husband, especially DD3 who is his (obvs far prettier) image. DS on the other hand looks very like me and my dad. Everyone comments on it. Except MIL. Every time MIL saw him she said ‘hmmm it’s so strange I can’t think he looks like?’ ‘Who does he favour?’ Eventually I told her that some people thought he looked like me! ‘No’ she said ‘I’ve got it. He looks like my great uncle’ and then she found a very faded photograph to send to me as proof.

It’s so weird when people only want to see their family in your kids but I guess it’s natural. Irritating though!

Gunpowder · 20/05/2020 17:53

his=her on DD3

somename · 20/05/2020 17:55

This is happening to me and it drives me mad! To the point where I actually want to stop sending photos and vids to ILs! It makes me feel quite excluded and not part of the family. My rational head says I don't think most of them mean anything - their family is obviously their point of reference but my irrational head wants to scream at them that I exist and there is a chance that DS looks like me or some of my side of the family! Ahhh!

Sorry - no advice just a rant to show you are definitely not alone!

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 20/05/2020 17:55

Nope, doesn’t bother me. I tend to think girls look like their dad’s and boys look like their mums anyway- so my daughter looking like her dad was no surprise. Don’t worry she definitely has my attitude/ bossiness

PorpentiaScamander · 20/05/2020 17:59

It sounds like there is more to your relationship with his family?

Everything my ex in laws said annoyed or upset me. But only because I had put up with years of them bullying me. Even now they comment on how much ds2 looks like his dad. He's so like me its unreal. The computer face recognition tech thinks hes me

I know its hard but try not to let it annoy you. Your baby will change so much and goodness know who she will look like when shes older. (Ds2 l looked like his dad as a newborn. Then my (adopted) cousin somehow. Now me)

PorpentiaScamander · 20/05/2020 18:01

Oh and I get the opposite with ds1. It's quite obvious from how they treat him that they think he is 'less' because he doesnt look like his dad in their eyes.

Weird thing is he looks exactly like his dad, but with my colouring.
Ds2 is my double but more his dads colouring.
They are a very odd family

itisthecause · 20/05/2020 18:02

As my children grew up I could see different elements of the family in them at different ages and now When I look back at photos when they were younger the likenesses are really evident. They pick up your mannerisms too and turn of phase which can be very funny.

AnneLovesGilbert · 20/05/2020 18:05

Apparently my daughter looks exactly like my DH son (my step son) with my mum’s ears, DH feet and my great aunt’s hands

Good job I know she’s mine...

Having said that, people were always adamant when I was little that I was the spitting image of my dad’s mum, who’d adopted him.

DeRigueurMortis · 20/05/2020 19:39

Imho babies look like.....babies....

There was no way anyone could rationally say DS had varies features of anyone.

It was only as he became a toddler that you could say he looked a bit like me or DH wrt eyes/hair colour.

As a teen he's changed again and features we thought were like x member of the family aren't any more.

Upshot is some people just see what they want to see and I wouldn't get upset about it .

When he's 17 it will be obvious who he looks like and I'll bet it won't have much in common with what's being predicted now.

Cactusflower1 · 20/05/2020 19:42

I hear you - my mother-in-law does this. Their personalities, their hair, their ears (!), any aptitude they show for anything... All attributed to some distant, random relative only from her side.

(Even though my kids look exactly like me! )

aSofaNearYou · 20/05/2020 19:51

Haha thankfully (for me) my DD looks very obviously like me so I don't get this often, but my partner's family do do it about anything else they can (personality traits etc) and it does annoy me. I think there is a bit of a territorial element to it, but also I just don't find those traits as charming as they all do. I think it's probably a common niggle and just one of those awkward family things, like one set of grandparents getting their back up about the other being "favoured".

Dyra · 20/05/2020 20:07

I don't find it annoying, but I do always disagree when people say DD looks like me. IMO, the only noticeable thing of me she does have is my hairline. Other than that, it looks like she's going to have similar eyes to my younger brother. Every other feature is from DH's side of the family. I've seen the baby photos. They're nearly identical.

I'm giving it time though. DNephew was his Dad in miniature up until 18 months old. Now, at 2 1/2, he looks exactly like his uncle (DSis' and my youngest brother).

NewUserNameReq · 20/05/2020 20:08

somename and cactus - absolutely could have written your posts myself.

OP I know how you feel, it's soooooo irritating, every feature has to be attributed to their side, except when DC had that ginger tinge to their hair (which I think all babies have at some stage), then they failed to mention that one of the grandparents had bright ginger hair before they went grey - like it was something to be ashamed of

PickledLilly · 20/05/2020 20:11

This drove me batty when DD was a baby. PIL went on and on and on about how much she looked like my partners son from a previous relationship who notoriously doesn’t look like him at all, to the point people make jokes about whether he got a DNA test done. So they were basically going on and on about how my baby looked like his ex EVERY TIME they saw us. I pointed this out to them rather curtly after the millionth time they said ‘oooh doesn’t she look like SS’ and they finally shut up about it.

BillyAndTheSillies · 20/05/2020 20:16

Both my DS are my absolute double. Everyone agrees apart from IL's. I get that they're trying to find a link to their own DS in their grandchildren but it's so annoying.

Funnily enough DS1 (4, precocious, stroppy but really lovely, funny and intelligent) has DH's personality down to a T. But they won't claim that.

Livpool · 20/05/2020 20:50

My DS is the image of his father - pictures of them the same age are strange because they are so alike.

All fine - apart from people saying "he (DH) can't deny him (DS), can he?". Makes me laugh as it is quite rude really; thanks for inferring i have been sleeping around 😂

mistermagpie · 20/05/2020 21:06

It irritates me a bit. My oldest son looks exactly the way I looked as a child, he's 4, and has the typical 'look' of my family. The thing is, most people I know have never met my family because I've been NC with them for years and I don't have any pictures of me before adulthood. So everyone says he looks like my husband as a child, just because he has the same hair, but his face is just like mine was!

My daughter on the other hand looks ridiculously like her dad, I don't think I'm in there at all, she looks like him in a dress. Everyone comments on it, but that doesn't bother me because it's so obvious and would be silly to pretend otherwise.

My youngest son looks like nobody I have ever met, he was a really really ugly baby but he's got very interesting features - dark skin, blonde hair and massive yellowy green eyes. He's very beautiful in a bit of a weird way and it oddly bothers me a bit that I can't understand where his looks came from...

Flip