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Newborn and 3.5 year old - tips, advice, words of wisdom?

3 replies

SpiltMilk100 · 20/05/2020 10:01

I have a 3.5 year old and am due DC2 in a matter of weeks. I've started to panic about juggling 2 kids and had a few questions I'm hoping some of you might be able to answer. Just for info it will be DH and I, as he's properly off work for 4 weeks but potentially longer, and might even be WFH for a while after. I know it'll be easier with the 2 of us to start but some ideas for when DH is back at work and I'm outnumbered would be helpful too. DS will eventually go back to nursery but don't know when that will be.

During night feeds, did your toddler wake up too? How did you manage this? DS sleeps 7-6/7 and does settle easily if woken but is very inquisitive and likes to 'help' with everything so I can just envisage him waking every time he hears the baby crying for a feed and coming into our room to help or because he's got FOMO.

DS can be very loud, he sings, runs around screaming, crashes his cars, occasional tantrums etc. How do you cope with newborn being woken every 5 mins? I can get him to play quiet things like doing his puzzles for a little bit or shut him and DH out in the garden and I guarantee he will have more TV/iPad than ever before, but any other tips/ideas?

Do you ever get to nap? We will mostly share the night feeds by splitting the night, so one do the late night and other early morning, but obviously then we're both tired, and have to get up and entertain a 3 year old and take care of a baby. So neither of us can really catch up on sleep unless both kids are being angels which I can't imagine will ever happen at the exact same time or at least not for very long. DS does not nap anymore so no chance of a family nap. DH and I both do not function well on no sleep but will obviously suck it up.

DS is currently very excited about the baby and I feel like he is going to be the best big brother ever, but, what if he has a change of heart once the baby is here? I'm expecting jealously, he's very attached to DH and I in different ways, but do we just ignore it? Not force the new baby on him if he's not interested? Obviously we will try and make sure he gets enough time and attention but it will be more DH than I for the first few days/week as I'm having a C-section so obviously mobility will be limited to start. I kind of think he will be a bit full on with the baby, wanting to change nappys, feed it, hold it all the time on his own etc and obviously he can't do that so how do we manage that and the inevitable meltdown that follows?

Did you have any kind of routine? When DS was a baby he got into a good feed and sleep routine very quickly. Slept through from 10 weeks old and napped religiously in the day. We did bath, bottle, bed every single night until he was about 2. Can't imagine that will be sustainable with 2 kids, so what did you do? We will try and keep DSs bed time the same and bath/shower him as and when needed (mostly during the day at the moment to kill some time lol) . I know babies don't need a bath every night so do you think doing the same night will be better or opposite nights to DS?

How on earth do you get out the house? Obviously I know it's not a massive issue right now but still...how? I admit I didn't venture out much with DS as I had anxiety about him needing a feed whilst we were out (reflux) and would always make sure we were home for naps (won't be doing that again if I can help it). But getting out for a walk each day would be nice. And will need to get DS to nursery when the time comes? Do you have to start getting ready 3 hours before you plan to go out? Preparation is key I imagine?

Any other words of wisdom? Sorry this is much longer than I planned it to be.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
SpiltMilk100 · 20/05/2020 10:01

Sorry I did do paragraphs but they disappeared.

OP posts:
Intastellaburst · 20/05/2020 19:11

Hi, my baby is now five months old and her brother was 3.9 years old when she arrived.

At first he wasn’t a fan of her and kept telling me to put her down. He still says that but now fetches her blankets and toys so think he is warming to her. His behaviour got worse for a month or two so don’t be surprised if that happens.

He didn’t wake up more than usual, he’s a deep sleeper though so baby screaming wasn’t a problem. Also newborn cries are fairly weak, their lungs are so tiny.

Have not managed a routine. Her big brother is crazily loud and crashes around the room bumping into me so she doesn’t sleep for long. Can’t manage to put her down for naps in her cot, she wakes up. There are no naps for me!

We get out at least once a day and sometimes twice now we’re allowed to. I put baby in a sling and this is when she has her daytime naps. I find going out very easy, I have a backpack packed with wipes, hand gel, change of clothes for them both, toy cars, snacks, water, hat, umbrella. I grab this and we go.

tempnamechange98765 · 20/05/2020 20:08

I was in a similar position last year when DS was 3.2 and DS2 arrived.

Jealousy wise, that didn't hit until DS2 was older and more "competition"; sitting up and interacting etc. DS1 adored him when he was a little newborn, was very gentle with him etc. His nose was out of joint though and he took his anger out on me and his dad.

He's also very loud etc. We tried to teach him "indoor voice" but he's still really loud tbh. DS2 never got into a routine because he was always interrupted having to go out for DS1, whether that was nursery pick up, an activity etc.

In the night, DS1 was never disturbed.

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