Am I selfish?

[GreyGemini]

Hey All,

I had a baby 2 weeks ago at home (I actually had loads of support on here during labour), I am loving life but have a partner working from home (he runs a business) so during the week I'm having little to no help even though he's in the house. I also have an 8 year old with a lot of energy. My mood has gone a bit downhill as baby is latched onto my boob most the day (which I love) but things like housework aren't getting done, 8YO isn't getting much attention and has been extra hyper (but has been so helpful with baby love him). I'm just looking for some words of motivation or how you ladies keep the wheels turning? Like should I be putting the baby down even if he's not sleeping so I can shower and not smell like sour milk... I feel like when he's awake I need/want to hold him all the time. Also I don't seem to find time to go on a daily walk, I'm either changing a nappy or feeding or something... maybe I'm making excuses but each night I say 'I'll go for a walk tomorrow' and I'm just too tired and still a bit sore from birth. Would love to get into some kind of routine again for my sanity. Sorry this is long winded I'm feeling a bit alone and a bit guilty at moment and not sure what to do. X x

I don’t have a lot of advice to offer but reading with interest as I’m due in 10 days, have a similar aged first child and a DH who wfh full time.

The one thing that struck me about your post is that 2 weeks is still so young so maybe you’re expecting too much at this stage?

It’s tough because in normal times your 8yo would be at school in the day and you would not have the guilt of feeling you have to keep him entertained. You are probably feeling this more than normal as you’re naturally worried about the effect the newborn is having on his bond with you.

The obvious answer is that your partner needs to be more flexible with his working hours so he can provide a bit more support and help you feel your 8yo is having his needs met. Is this feasible?

I had routine & used to get out house every day. DD was 19 months & needed to be kept busy.

I think if DH was working out the house you wouldn't have any help anyway.

I don't think you need to have baby on you all the time. It's not fair on your eldest if you don't get out the house. Can't you put baby in bouncer or something? Or pop on playmat with some toys to keep it busy? That's what I used to do when mine were tiny & I needed a shower/to do housework. I would also put mine down for long nap at lunch & get things done or just take a moment.

Maybe ask DH to take break from work at set time and spend some time with eldest - or take baby & you can spend time with eldest?

I'm big fan of having a routine & I think personally that babies & children like it too. Could you draw up one with eldest - it doesn't have to be too strict - but if they know Dad will spend time with them say 11-11.30 in garden then maybe try to get out every afternoon for an hour?

You are not being lazy at all!

You have a small baby and you gave birth TWO WEEKS AGO. Your body hasn’t even begun to recover yet, I’m not surprised you don’t feel like going for a walk. You don’t say if you had a difficult birth, but no Birth is ‘easy’ and it’s too much to expect to be back to normal so soon.

Your 8 year old will be fine. Yes, he may be extra hyper and act out a bit but as long as you show understanding towards this, it’s not going to do him any harm, as long as it’s not long term/forever. And your newborn needs this time with you!

Could your husband take him out on his lunch break perhaps? Or after work? Or both! That way you don’t have to worry and if you get to take him out, it’s a bonus!

I’m sure that you will find a middle ground soon enough, but in the meantime please don’t be so hard on yourself!

Have you tried a soft baby sling? Then you can pop baby in it and they still get that closeness but you can have your hands free.

Take it easy though. 2 weeks is seriously early days!

I think DH needs to help out more too - presumably he works set hours & isn't travelling etc. So there's no reason he can't do some activities with the eldest tea time and early evening too - perhaps do some baking, play footie in the garden, go out for walk, play a game together?

It must be hard as you were assuming eldest would be in school so you would not be trying to home school, have DH home at the same time as bonding with new baby. I do feel sorry for people on maternity leave at the moment, It must be so stressful.