To worry I’m not bonding with my newborn

[newmum234]

My two week old baby wakes for about 8 or 9 hours a day to feed and spends the rest of the time sleeping.

During feeding he just takes the milk from a bottle on my lap, so there’s not a huge amount of interaction, although I do try to talk and sing to him as much as possible during the day (I’m normally too tired during the 4am feed). I usually do a nappy change halfway through.

At the end of the feed I’ll give him a burp and a cuddle for about 10 minutes before putting him back in the cot for another sleep.

I’m worried as friends have commented how clingy their babies were at this stage and are amazed that I can just put him down in his cot and leave him to sleep.

Should my baby be more clingy and does the fact that he’s not mean he’s not particularly bonded to me? Should I be giving him more cuddle time?

I was in hospital for over a week after the birth due to serious complications and am worried he may not know I’m his mum

Try not to worry, he’s so little still and it’s so hard until they start smiling or interacting with you. You are meeting his primary needs so you are bonding with him. My son was in the NICU for the first month and we still managed to bond. He was also a very sleepy baby at first. You are doing exactly the right things. He will start to be more awake in time and you will see how much he has bonded to you.

He will know. It’s very early days and he’s sleeping lots (not too much - don’t worry) and he sounds very contented to me. Some babies are clingy, some aren’t. They are all different but he will know you.

My DTs were the same at this stage. They just liked sleeping in their cot! They’d sleep on me too, but never really needed time to hold them to sleep or anything. Your son knows you’re his mama, and there’s plenty of time for more cuddling once he’s out of the tiny newborn stage! Use the time he’s asleep to try to catch up on sleep too (haha, I hated people who said that to me, use the time to catch up on the bottle sterilising/prep before he wakes, sleep if you can!).

He knows you’re his mum 🌷

Hey, I don't have loads of advice but my DD, now 6 months, was never clingy. She was happy snoozing anywhere we put her which was amazing, she liked a cuddle but didn't need them all the time. She has been a really lovely, calm baby! At times I felt like she didn't need me like other babies wanted their mummies but that's just her nature. She's had some clingy phases later on.

If you're worried about bonding, maybe try some ski to skin cuddles without distraction. Sing to your baby, read to them and just talk to them all the time about anything! Give some eye contact whilst feeding too.
Don't let your complicated birth affect your bond, you will get there but if you're worried, call your health visitor
Lots of love to you and your new baby

My first baby wanted to be held all the time, and is still a terrible sleeper almost 3 years later. My second is quite happy to be put down and I still cant quite believe it. We haven't done anything different so I think it's just their personalities.

You sound like you are doing a great job and your baby is quite content.

At this age, babies can be a bit boring if they feed and sleep well. You feed them, they sleep. Repeat. But it can give you a chance to recover from the birth and get used to this new person in your life.

The clingy babies are maybe those that need more help to settle (I had one of each, not at the same time!). It's not more bonded to its parent.

You don't have to out the baby to sleep in the cot or basket or wherever to sleep. I used to love holding my sleepy babies. I'd feed them and then let them sleep and is eat cake and watch Game of Thrones and stare at the baby. For the unsettled one just hoping they would sleep a bit longer. The other just because.

It does change though - babies change their sleep habits so frequently and this first month or so the baby is more sleepy after being used to being in the womb.

So do not fret. It will be fine. And he definitely will know your his mum - your smell and voice alone tells him that. And the fact that you are there!

Be grateful.. you have a good'un :) It may not last however...

Honestly, bonding isn't a race, and it does NOT have to be instant..I say this as the mum of four. My first I bonded with quickly, my second it took months, my third, instant, my fourth, well it was a very long slow process due to a heap of issues but I adore them all now!

He will know your smell, and sounds...he can't see clearly yet. It takes many months to truly build a bond..newborns don't do a lot!

Just hold in there, once he starts smiling you will find it much easier.

If the main issue is him not being clingy, I would just wait. For the first 6 weeks DS would sleep in a moses basket on the floor of my office between feeds quite happily. Once he hit 6 weeks, bam, velcro baby!

Cuddles will definitely help both of you get the oxytocin flowing which helps bonding, but if you're too tired don't worry! You've got plenty of time to get to know each other. You sound like you're doing a great job after a traumatic start.

I could have written this. To be honest, I hated the newborn phase because of the lack of interaction. My baby also sleeps very happily in his pram/moses basket/cot without me and has done since day 1.

At around 5 weeks he started noticing things, I found a baby play gym useful here as he would just stare at the colourful toys.

Hes now nearly 7 weeks old, cracking out the smiles fairly often, loves being put under the baby gym and we've just started having proto-conversations. He's a bit fussy now as I think he's going through a growth spurt, but will still sleep happily on his own.

I guess what im trying to say is hang on in there. Its a bit tedious now, but it does get better!

And having a baby that sleeps happily by themselves is luck in my opinion!