DS1 retches when baby DS2 eats

[NannyPear]

My almost 4 year old DS retches/gags when his 1 year old brother is eating. It started literally from the first day of weaning DS2. It's worse when the baby is eating messy food. He's now started hiding his face/eyes away from where his brother is eating so he doesn't see him. I'm sure it's not an attention thing, because he doesn't speak out loud about it and it's clearly outwith his control.

The three of us mostly eat the same meals, and it doesn't seem to put DS1 off his food. I did BLW with him so he's went through his fair share of making a mess at mealtimes, and he's been at nursery since before he was 1 so he's seen other children eat (granted, not babies). He has his fussy moments like any 3 year old but generally is a good eater.

DH has AFRID/selective eating issue. His food choices are extremely limited and he also gets strong aversions to food. DS1 is aware that DH doesn't eat the same as us but we don't make a big deal out of it and DH has never shown physical signs of aversion like this.

The other day, DS1 stood on some food that had dropped on the floor and actually vomited.

I'm not sure if this is a common thing in kids, and I guess I'm particularly sensitive to it because I hope beyond hope he doesn't turn out like DH with his eating. Anyone experienced anything similar?

Maybe he just finds it really gross? Would you be happy to feed baby before dinner or something? Have you asked your DS what's wrong?

He probably just finds it gross, and it can be when a baby gets food all over their face. Certainly would put me off my food! Just feed baby before or after. Don't ruin your sons eating experience.

Is it possibly a sensory issue? Noise when baby is eating, touch with the food under his foot? Does he have any other sensory issues?

I didn't think of it as ruining my son's eating experience as I don't exactly force him to watch . We usually eat together at the table and he looks away when he wants to, which is absolutely fine. I've also moved DS2 in his high chair far away from the table so that he's not near DS1 if he is particularly bothered. When I ask, he tells me he doesn't like when his brother is eating. I understand that babies eating can be gross, but I was more wondering if the physical retching is normal. I was also concerned that standing on food made my son actually vomit.

I'm fine with feeding DS2 at a different time than DS1 if need be, though obviously there are benefits for everyone by eating as a family together. Surely it's not normal to have to eat separately though?

@SomeoneElseEntirelyNow yes I agree with that. Not really any other sensory issues other than hates getting his hair washed but I think that's a 3 year old thing! When he was younger there were a few issues but he seems to have grown out of them so they must have been normal toddlerisms. I've always been worried about my kids having eating disorders like their dad as its both stressful and limiting in life (socially more than anything else). Hopefully I'm worrying for nothing and he grows out of it. Or DS2 gets better at eating soon so he doesn't have to deal with it!

Sounds potentially sensory to me. I'm autistic and have major sensory issues. Specially when it comes to people eating and drinking. Noises, smells, and the way some things look, are all triggers.

I think there's more to it, and agree that it's a sensory issue. I wouldn't force him to watch, but nor would I change baby's eating habits. Once things are settled in the world, I would think about speaking to my GP, before he starts school.

Thanks for the replies. I'm thinking similar and there's something more which should perhaps be explored.

I'm really impressed that at nearly 4 your DS1 has been able to clearly communicate that he has an issue with his brother eating and, without histrionics, endure the physical manifestations of that.

This could be a symptom of something more, or he could become someone who doesn't deal with messy eating (I can empathise with that, people who chew with their mouths open turn my stomach). Children change hugely in the early years! In terms of DS1 enjoying eating and avoiding negative associations with it, make sure his brother is out of his line of sight and maybe have some music/white noise in the background so he doesn't have any audio to re-create the visual (the mind is incredibly powerful and that can be both a good thing and a bad one!). It's a bit concerning that his reaction seems to be building, continued exposure isn't de-sensitising him so maybe he needs a break from it, certainly something to think about/discuss with a doctor - maybe over a telephone appointment. Good luck

Fishingpaws thank you. Yes he never cries/moans/makes a big deal of it to me, almost as though he's making such a conscious effort to avoid it, that making a big deal of it will only make things worse, if that makes sense? And you can bet he can throw a tantrum at pretty much anything else if he wants. My approach the last 6 months has been to play it down (though not minimise or refute his feelings at all), not question it, accept that he feels this way and help him where needed. I've tried really hard not to build it up in the hope it doesn't get worse, but it slowly is. Will give the GP a ring and see if it's anything they can help with now or revisit in the coming months.