Children making me ill.

[GettingUntrapped]

Further to the thread on how horrendous many are finding the combination of wfh with young children, I would like to add to it by saying that being the only adult in the house for lockdown is breaking me. I'm not working, am freelance and taking a break as not possible to work.
It's still shit though.
Kids are so different from adults, and are often selfish, cruel, argumentative and self obsessed. It's normal for them, they are developing.
What isn't normal is an adult spending so much time with children. I find it torturous.
I have two and I feel stifled, angry and irritable inside. They are relentless with demands, requests, need for food, breaking up their fights. Absolutely horrible.
They say it takes a village. There is a reason for that. Human kids are hard work, so hard it can break you.
I feel like we aren't allowed to say this. It shocks people and you will likely get labelled a bad parent, when it is just too hard anyway.

YY to burning off energy getting some fresh air etc.

Make them run around too

Unfortunately, both kids don't want to go out

This is part of your problem. At 8 and 13 they should be doing what you say, even if they’re moaning about it. Your house, your rules. Your children need YOU to be the boss.

The complaints, fake ailments and moaning when I make mine go out are fabulous. It's like a sport to me now.

I agree op

8 is quite young still...

Mine have always responded well to knowing what's coming. It sounds a bit mad and I'm generally pretty laid back. So anyway. If I want them to do something I give them fair warning eg bed. Bed in 20 mins.
Then I give them a shout after 10 and say, another 10. Then when it's time they accept it. When I just used to say bedtime now, they would delay argue etc.

Can you have a sort of timetable and say, I'm around this time till this time tomorrow and this time till this time, what do you want to do. But the rest of the time I'm working and I need to be able to do that to get the money we all depend on. Would he respond to that? What is he doing? On internet/ telly? Out in garden? Etc

Well, yes, I've ordered a family planner to try and get some structure going, especially for me.
I'm exhausted with them though. Early night tonight.

@Spinachtastegud because I enjoy having my children at home? I never said it was easy 24/7 and I wasn't patronising or unfeeling towards the op.

What sort of work do you do? Planned meetings, or people contacting any old time with no warning? Mainly working by yourself etc?

Let's work out a plan

I'm a freelance journalist, but not working for a few weeks now as it wasn't possible. I'm taking a break for another week.
My point is that just being with kids alone 24/7 is brutal, work or no work.

I only have one but as a single mum having all the support ripped away from me is painful and hard. No other adult to chat to, but a small child to entertain or keep entertained. If I was just by myself I would find this ok, but carrying the burden of raising a small human just got harder. It absolutely takes a village, parenting is not a job that should be done all alone. I am mentally tired. To be fair I did most of the work anyway, but it was so good having friends I could hang out with, and the occasional babysitter. Going out to work helped my mental health. Now it looks like it’s me and her at home till at least August. Her dad isn’t even working but shows no interest in having her or being responsible at all. It is exhausting.

Ok op that's fine-

Yes it is hard work and not for everyone. Have you talked to them about it at all? How work out not, it's difficult for everyone and you need to pull together?

Children often don't see their parents as people, really.

Even the little one is old enough to be told in no uncertain terms that yes it's shit but you are all in it together and he needs to do xyz etc. It's better if you have actual things to say what to do/ when etc rather than a generic, this isn't working. EG I need some time to myself so I'm going to be in my room/ out gardening or whatever for an hour at this time every day and you won't disturb me or argue unless it's an emergency. During that time you can do schoolwork/ play in garden/ play games or whatever, but you do it quietly.

Lone parent here. It does take a village and I spent years finding a network so my dc has other adults and activities in their lives. I work full time. I am wfh full time. I am not homeschooling. I make them walk every day. I make them help with washing up. But they constantly fight and moan and we are basically on house arrest.

I completely hear you @GettingUntrapped it is, in a word, shit. I've got 2 under 10 including ds who has extra needs and has regressed and massively struggled. I'm drowning. It's the constant feeding, cleaning up, tidying, washing up, washing, refereeing, meltdown handling, cajoling and question answering. I'm lucky that their dad has them half the time but my mental health is taking a battering. Nevermind that nearly all my coping strategies were socialising focused.

It's shit or more helpful,

Thank you all for the support and the suggestions.
I don't think they see me as a person, not even sure that's possible for kids. I remember a friend saying she didn't see her parents as people until she left home.
Another reason adults shouldn't be alone for long periods with children.

It's very difficult at the moment because there's nowhere to go except daily walks. No playparks, swimming, cinema, play dates. All the activities that we do during school holidays to break it up a bit. No cafes or restaurants for a change of scene and break from cooking. No grandparents to spoil them and babysit. No holidays or days out to look forward to.

None of us are used to this and it's overwhelming not to be able to do the things we used to enjoy.

Are they a bit used to you waiting on them?

It's really hard and everyone has different personalities and expectations from their own childhoods and that they have for themselves.

It's ok to let them see you as a person. And to talk to them about these things.

I'm lucky as mine are easy. They are pretty self sufficient and get on. But then they are self sufficient because I set things up that way so they could do it. My DH gets a lot more grief as they know he is easier.

Get the planner. Do it with them. Explain that to you know they are finding it hard and so are you and you need to work together to make it doable. Do the planner together rather than imposing. And don't make it too strict. So just, what do we need/ want between us. And put in eg an hour where you go and amuse yourselves and don't bother each other. Walk every day at some point. Do they help with making dinner, laying table etc? Get them going with that stuff if not. Etc.

A full planned day would not work for us. It would be even more stressful! But a handful of non negotiables is easier to stick to and feels like less pressure.

Good luck op.

And yes it is shit.

@SummerHouse

Thanks Beetroot Rocks. Yes, I am a bit easy on them, but have been much stricter with consequences in the past week and they know I mean business.
Looking forward to doing the planner with them, and making sure a walk is done daily from now on.
One day at a time.

"people want to believe in the fairytale that women's are happiest when the are mothers.

As someone who's single and childfree in my mid 30's, I'm considering my options at the moment and wanting to find out the truth of what motherhood entails. I'm very intrigued by this notion of motherhood being portrayed as a fairytale to gaslight you into having children. Would anyone who has a child be willing to share their thoughts on this?

Incidentally, I think a lot of people also see marriage and relationships as some kind of fairy tale, whereas the reality is that studies show that women are happier single. Disney has a lot to answer for.

Marymarycontrary, I recommend a book called I'm ok, you're a Brat. It spells it all out very well.
Yup, I agree re marriage too. Men benefit, women not as much.
Lots of studies show men and women are less happy when parents. It doesn't improve until they leave home.
A couple's relationship very often gets worse when children arrive.
Good luck!

Single mum here too and it's relentless and hard, the constant snacks and wanting to play is exhausting ! I adore my daughter but we need our routine back, she's getting more and more fed up, bored and teary and I worry about her mental health.

@GettingUntrapped Thank you for the book recommendation - I will definitely check that out.

Wishing you the best of luck too 💐💐