Dad relationship with daughter, should I be worried?

[Lau1973]

Hi...

I just started dating someone and my gut is telling me something. Stay or run away! I do not believe much in talking. People barely change!
(I have been separated for 2 years, two lovely small girls, and no dating so far. I haven't had the head yet and I'm very cautious with my girls. BUT he has been the first one so far I have had any sort of interest!!)

He has been divorced for 6 years now, haven't had any significative relationship with a woman since then and never introduced a woman to his daughter. No friends or social life as he meets his 13 year old daughter only over the weekends. (for me up to here it was fine...)

He seems a very dedicated dad and sensible but he's pretty much closed to his life with her and his plans are with her only.
He plans trips only with her for holidays, and gets into a very depressive mode when he leaves her at her mum's house. He has cushions with her face on them, he also told me once "my daughter said to me guys are yuk and I am the only man in her life, and love that!"
He actually told me last time, he loved when she shaved his head and the fact she was a lot more cuddling with him that she was before as she is a teen now...
He told me he will scarify his personal life to have her daughter 7 days a week if he could.

Of course we slightly talked about the topic and he recognised he puts all the eggs in one basket and plans to much around her only when it will be even natural her daughter will probably stop seeing him over the weekend to see her friends, that he might need to change his routine to see her other times.

Of course I said to him, oh man... you need a woman!!! he agreed. We have been dating for two months only so we can't punt many cards on here yet!

But but but... I have a but in my gut! :) and I am a happy woman on my own now so no interest to get complicated so far :)

Just sounds like a doting dad to me? If I had a holiday with my daughter then had to give her back to her dad I'd be depressed too. Most parents sacrifice things to have children 7 days a week. It's better than him saying "I like only seeing my child at weekends so I can focus on hobbies." Right?

I'm a bit confused at the "He plans trips only with her for holidays." Who do you suggest he takes too? A lads weekend and his daughter tags along?

Honestly I think he just sounds like a dad who loves his daughter. Possible he's laying it on a bit thick it to you, as you have children, so you don't think he's a deadbeat and can be a good stepfather if you have a future.

I can see both sides to this. Sometimes your gut is telling you something for a reason but at the same time people can be cautious as they've been hurt in the past.
It could be that he is trying to impress you and all he's had for 6 years is his daughter.
It could have been an awful breakup which makes things a lot harder. I would just be mindful and if you still have feelings try to get to know him more and it may settle a little.
He could be trying to hard without realising how it's making you feel.
Good luck

Thanks ladies, after reading your messages I feel a lot better now!

He wasn't the one hurt after his divorce. It was me, the reason I could not date anybody till now. I told him that all this past two years I decided to make stronger the relationship with my daughters as the separation was abrupt and me and my oldest ended up in counselling -so far so good now!!!- So yes, he knows I'm very cautious and a dedicated mum, maybe he is trying to impress me as he knows I haven't introduced my girls to anyone, same thing he didn't do with his daughter.

For a moment I thought maybe he was the one not ready to date. His problem was his daughter taken from him as he had her most of the week during the first three years. He is sort of still grieving that loss.

It was just a gut.. I'll wait a bit more. We go so slow now with the current situation that there is no rush I think, plenty of time to do things very carefully :)

Thank you so much for your reply! :)

Well... yes it was a problem at the end and I decided to move forwards.

He has a separation issue with his daughter and I saw him last weekend completely broken. He has a completely emotional dependency with her and he's not happy at all if she's not with him around. He's not ready for a relationship, to bring a woman to his routine and feel happy for that. He's depressive, negative with absolutely destructive thoughts. I can't be his mum, or his counsellor... after my separations me and my girls went counselling. I did something for us knowing we were going to have future emotional issues. We are fine, we are happy, we are normal! No, definitely no.

I think i'm quite wise at my 46 years old and I know what to do. A shame as he looks a quite good man, but he's not open or ready for something else, and he knows what to do, and he's doing nothing to change it. We talked loads last weekend, at least he admitted it all.

It is over. But I'm happy, and i'll keep strong for my sake and my daughters life :)