I feel a failure for topping up my 5 month old bf baby with formula. Is it the right thing to do?

[Flipflop22]

Hi, im a long time lurker but now I really need some advice. I apologise in advance im sure I will ramble on a bit...
So I've just turned 40 ( in case that's relevant) and my little one is nearly 5 months old. I've exclusively breast fed. Its not all been plain sailing, I've had blisters, cracks, plugged ducts... but lovingly got on with it. Littleone has always been small....at the low end of the centile chart ( between 2nd & 9th) and had hovered around his curve. I've fed every 3 hours in the later months and when he wakes at night which until the 4 month sleep regression kicked off, was at about 4 am. Since the regression ( started about 2 weeks ago) he's barely napping so getting cranky and waking up often at night, then he's difficult to settle. His feeding has been quite fussy.
So. 2 days ago hv came to weigh him and he's just dropped off his line (5.44kg)
Hv wants me to top him up with formula. She's recommended 1 ready mix bottle a day (200ml)
I've done as I'm told as I want little one to be healthy. But last night I sat in bed bf the little man crying because I'm so worried this is the beginning of the end of our breastfeeding journey.
I've got a tommee tepee pump on the way to try and increase my supply, I've been taking fenugreek for 2 months ( and I'm stinking!)
I've fed him as usual then popped 40ml in a bottle for him at the end. He's taken it with gusto.
Is this the right thing to be doing,?
I'd love to breastfeed for as long as I can ( until he's decided he's had enough)
Aren't I just swapping my milk for formula ?( surely he'll just want feeding slightly less often, )
Does the quality of breastmilk deteriorate? that seemed to be what hv was implying and that's why I've mentioned my age.
Will 1 bottle make a diffence to his weight anyway?
She said try this first, if it doesn't work try him on purees & rice top ups.
She's back in a week to re weigh
I might sound a bit like a drama queen, but I so love feeding my baby at the boob I don't want to be doing things that will be detrimental to that. But obviously his health comes first
I've found lots of threads here with younger babies in this situation but not so much with a five month old
If anyone can help or advise I'd be truly grateful

I’m glad you’ve received specialist advice op. If breastfeeding wasn’t working then it would be apparent way before 5 months. If baby is active and happy, and plenty of wet and dirty nappies I would be inclined to say everything is fine. Mine were only weighed for the 1st few weeks but once feeding was established I didn’t bother having them checked. The quantity/quality of your milk will not deteriorate. It’s a matter of weeks before he will be starting solids anyway. That said if you want to give a bottle of formula per day it can’t do any harm either. As they wean they tend to end up feeding morning/night with their solid foods in the day so if you want to feed to 1 and beyond I wouldn’t swap out the night feed, it’s such a lovely way to settle them down and have a nice peaceful snuggle before bedtime.

Helloitsmeagain1 ....yup done!. They are wonderful. I had a chat with the most fab lady earlier today. She was so reassuring. Ill champion them forever more ⭐⭐⭐

Just seen my typo up there.....ntc??? Nbf is what I meant to type..... Sleep regression 🙄😂😴

We smashed it😊.
Long story short. She came. We weighed. she plotted....... Then she sucks air through her teeth and says. "Hmmm we'd have like to seen a greater increase in two weeks" so I told her she was here last week.
So the back peddling starts "oh wonderful, you're amazing, I'm speechless ....blah...blah " patronising!
I'm so relieved especially since the little man had 3 massive poos beforehand
So as far as we're concerned 🖕formula😊

Thanks everyone who's replied. Without all this support I would have begrudgingly done as I was told and cracked on with the formula.
Happy mama
😘xx

Hi! Loads of good advice here. I just wanted to chip in and say that I combi feed because I just dont make enough milk. I know this because my baby comes off my boob and then DOWNS about 4/5 ounces of milk. Also at the start of his life I EBF him and he was the most agitated baby in the world - I now know because he was hungry all the time. He lost 10% of his body weight in the first 5 days.

I also only give him formula at night - he sleeps better and for longer on it.

Dont feel like a failure. Id think you were a failure if you refused to give him a bottle despite his weight loss because of stubbornness. You've just got to do what is best, and it sounds like a bit of formula is best for this little guy!

soz! didnt read until the end! Glad you got it sorted!

I am your age, and almost 40, and breastfeeding fine. Baby is following his weight curve between 2nd and 9th centile. I find eating oats, drinking lots of water, and feeding to demand helps - if he pulls off after 2-3 mins I calm him down then pop him back on until he has fed properly. I also find using Calpol before every 2 breastfeeds helps as he’s teething.

I'm so glad things are improving op! Well done.

There's so much misinformation out there about bfing and ffing and what one means in terms of the other when they are v different processes. Plenty of babies absolutely stuffed full of bm will guzzle down a bottle and it's NOTHING to do with poor milk supply and the resultant comatose sleep isn't always a sign of contentedness either. It is important to always respond to any weight loss or feeding issue but assumptions do not help.

Alright showofhands - thanks for very succinctly saying everything ive done so far regarding feeding is wrong 👌

@Letsallscreamatthesistene that's not what I meant at all. I was very careful to address the op and explain that it is not always useful to say x means y in any feeding situation, as was pointed out by previous posters days ago. I made no absolute statements and was responding solely to the op's situation which, given the improvement this week, is an example of a situation where you can't make assumptions. Your situation is yours and may not be comparable to the op at all. You will have received advice suitable for your situation.

Some babies absolutely 100% NEED top ups with formula or donor milk or similar. If your baby needed help to gain weight and that needed to come from formula then it's utterly brilliant that you've found the best way for you.

I really wasn't responding to your post but to the op and the repeated absolute statements that a baby not gaining as much as expected definitely means the mother isn't capable of making enough milk.

Can I ask why you are breastfeeding every 3 hours during the day? My baby is also 5 months but she can’t manage to go 3 hours. So I feed when she gives signals she is hungry. Eventually she will scream if I don’t give in. I probably offer breast every hour or two hours. She is just over 7 kilos. She likes to take small feeds often. For example, if I try to feed her more then she wants in a feed she will gag (she usually only take one breast at a feed). So she needs to feed more often to get enough calories. My first would feed from both breast and could go longer between feeds. Don’t feel bad about offering formula. Fed is best. But do try to feed more often and see if it helps. That will also increase breast supply .

I probably offer breast every hour or two hours. She is just over 7 kilos. She likes to take small feeds often.

My baby is around the same weight and centile as OP’s - and I feed on demand. Some days that means little and often but other days it may mean 2-3 hours between feeds. Every baby is different and some babies are just smaller and it can be normal go through wobbles in their growth curve before teething or weaning.

Plenty of babies absolutely stuffed full of bm will guzzle down a bottle and it's NOTHING to do with poor milk supply and the resultant comatose sleep isn't always a sign of contentedness either.

Some babies won’t sleep in this situation either. My baby would have a massive poo within minutes of a bottle of expressed milk and neither gained weight faster with bottles, nor slept longer. He slept better and gained more weight when I stopped them and just focussed on breastfeeding him on demand whenever he looked interested but things can slow down before teething / weaning. It’s normal even for babies at the lower end of the growth curve.

All you need to do if feed when your baby is hungry.
All will be right in the world

@Mamabear12 thought you might find this interesting about milk storage (it's from Kelly mom)

Storage capacity: Another factor that affects milk production and breastfeeding management is mom’s milk storage capacity. Storage capacity is the amount of milk that the breast can store between feedings. This can vary widely from mom to mom and also between breasts for the same mom. Storage capacity is not determined by breast size, although breast size can certainly limit the amount of milk that can be stored. Moms with large or small storage capacities can produce plenty of milk for baby. A mother with a larger milk storage capacity may be able to go longer between feedings without impacting milk supply and baby’s growth. A mother with a smaller storage capacity, however, will need to nurse baby more often to satisfy baby’s appetite and maintain milk supply since her breasts will become full (slowing production) more quickly.

Basically everyone can produce enough milk but some people can store more which usually means baby can go longer between feeds. My son fed about every hour and a half / two hours. My sisters son could happily go four hours between feeds. Presumably she can store more milk than me

OP I'm so glad to read your update! There really is nothing wrong with top ups if they are needed (we did it with my son at the beginning due to tongue tie issues), but the fact that you've been able to carry on feeding him how you want is fantastic

I combi fed and it's fine 😁

Fed is best. Dont feel guilty. A full tummy is best regardless if its breast milk or formula.

Don’t beat yourself up about giving your baby formula. It’s fine to combination or formula feed. Sounds like you are really struggling with all that breastfeeding- make life a little easier for yourself

Also it sounds like your baby needs more food. No need to avoid formula if he’s not gaining weight. Fed is best.

Thanks. He's gaining well now. I did post up there⬆️ after the health visitor returned with the scales
One of the problems is he's not exceptionally hungry. I have to remind him its time to eat!
I've no problem with formula. If I couldn't provide what he needed then of course I would have used it. But I can, so all good.