I really feel that i need some advice on my 5 year old daughter. i would appreciate any advice/ constructive criticism anyone could be willing to share with me.
over the last month or two my little girl has been saying quite a lot that she hates herself, she's the worst kid, shes dumb/stupid and bad.
as i'm sure like anyone who would hear these words come out of their childs mouth- it is absolutely heartbreaking.
of course naturally i try to reinforce positive thinking, tell her that she is the best kid ever, intelligent, kind, funny and that i love her more than anything but it doesn't seem to have any effect.
i have suffered with depression myself for as long as i can remember (i am 24 at the moment) and my number one goal as a parent was and always has been to make sure that my baby never feels like that.
i am a single mum, so, it is just me and my little girl at home, and she does comment quite frequently that it is lonely.
I work from home, so do have to work for a lot of the day, in between all the other normal stuff we all have to do around the house, cooking and looking after our little ones.
i don't always have time to play with her, which she seems to want to do all the time, and i feel bad that i cant/dont (seeing as she has no siblings or a father to play with at the times that i cant and because obviously her school is closed and we are in lockdown she has no friends to play with either), but i do try to explain to her that the work needs to be done as we don't have a lot of money and so that we can afford to pay the bills to stay in our house and have nice things etc.
i allocate 1 day of the week entirely to her so that she can feel undivided attention that kids need to feel.
i also allocate certain 1 hour periods throughout the day to play and to do some learning. she also helps me cook dinner every night.
she is hardly ever interested in doing any academic activities, and she says that she hates school and never wants to go back, and just wants to stay at home with me.
i always ask her why? and doesn't she miss her friends? her answer is always that school is boring, everyone tells her what to do, and that she misses her friends a tiny bit but would rather be with me.
whenever i have to tell her off, i do try to not shout, explain what was wrong with her behaviour, tell her it's ok because we all make mistakes but that she needs to be aware of whatever it is.
sometimes, i do get frustrated and shout, and immediately feel bad, because i know it's not the right thing and i probably stress out and get frustrated and angry more than i should - due to my own feelings and possibly an inability to cope.
she is a very sensitive child, so i always feel guilty.
recently whether i am calm or shout she comes out with phrases like 'i am just a dumb kid', 'i am the worst', 'i am bad', 'i hate myself' etc.
she says sometimes that i make her sad all the time, and that she hates our house because there's not a lot to do, and we can't decorate so it's rubbish.
my goal with her was to raise her not how i was raised and to install self security and confidence in her, which i now see i have failed in doing.
we are extremely close and loving towards each other
but i am starting to feel like maybe i am finding it difficult to cope with juggling being a single mum, working, having no money, trying to keep the house decent and helping her grow to her full potential.
last night we had a deep talk, and she said she's not having fun with me, she said it's not because of me but because we cant do anything (due to lockdown) and that i always have a lot of work to do and we don't play enough.
she said i always make her feel sad, and that when i ask her if she is happy she only says she is so that i dont feel bad!
which makes me proud that she has empathy so young, but so guilty that she is putting my feelings before her own.
now, some of it or some of the time, i don't know whether it could be slight manipulation or if i have already damaged her and she is going to follow in my footsteps with depression.
i feel absolutely useless and like the worst mum and right about now feel like giving up, although i know i cannot do that and will not do that.
i am not trying to gain any sympathy or anything, i am just asking for help and expressing my feelings as i have noone to talk to.
i know this post might be a bit all over the place, and i am sorry to anyone trying to read it, but i just had to get things down as they come to me.
if anyone has any input i would be so, so grateful.
thank you in advance.xx