rookiemum-been totally indecisive myself about a second for past couple of years(mainly this year).DD now 5.2.I go through patches of real enthusiasm,then we hit 'illness' zone,or rough marraige patch,then all my positive thoughts fly out the window.So many reasons why i don't really want a second(plus all your reasons).DD's age makes it worse(may not be close to sib,we are settled and have all the sleep we want-nearly,DD pretty independant...much easier pysically for me).
spent many hours reading all the MN threads on only children(we are both onlies),and anything '2nd' child related.
totally lost interest over summer,then WHAM,this month i couldn't control myself whatsoever IYKWIM...left it to nature,really surprised myself.Little voice said day after "what the hell are you doing,youv'e took months to conclude you don't want another then you do this!".(BTW,wasn't just a 'lust' session,definately wanted to do it for the sake of reproducing.
Anyway...tommorow i'm due my AF and had much PMT(well think it is...but so do many other pregnant mums before the test.
TBH,main reason i keep going back to trying,is i realise deep down,my main fullfillment in life,comes from caring for my own family/home and although there are moments from hell,there is so much joy too and sharing and LOVE. At the end of the day, i'm thinking.. if we always go with our instincts and make love the mission,anything can work out.
i would so love to do successful BF too and know what it was like to have a baby without 24/7 first-time parental neuroticism.Worry though whether i really would remember how to do it all again,would i really be that confident 2nd time,or worry enough for two?!!
does it all come back to you 2nd timers?
It's the guilt i would feel about DD1 that would probably put a damper on things,and losing our special one-one relationship forever!!.
Guess it's normal to have such mixed feelings,as we know what's ahead this time and feel there is as much to lose as to gain?!.
Agree with MN on here though,that it's all down to whether YOU really want another and you want them,just for them and not to provide a sibling.
Think i would cry with a BFP and regret it at first,but after a few days warm to it and then get excited!.Think i'd bond with a
'fetus' better too,as first time just felt like been taken over by an alien...just too weird...took a while(after birth) to fully accept i'd had a baby/human inside.
anyone else experienced this?.
You just have to be so so honest with yourself about what it will do to your family...will it enhance or destroy.Think 'fluffy' fantasy can take over if your not careful,and you can only remember the 'cooing'bits.If we reaaly listen to ourselves, i think we know all the answers about our own family situations.
Somehow,i think if a marraige has survived one baby,it will survive more,unless you both have strong personal dreams of a different kind for the future,that don't involve kids or obviously,if finances would be too stretched e.t.c.
A small gap would have had advantages for DD,but at 18 months i could of not coped with two,or enjoyed it.DD filled my world.Couldn't imagine another then.Wanted to give her as long as possible with our attention(like the happy 'only' childhoods we experienced).wait at least till she was at primary school before another.
Main thing i ask myself is....am i willing to make all the sacrifices neccessary to welcome another,do i think it would all be worth it for ALL of us,is the end result worth all the pain...guess i must think so 50% of the time to be so on the fence!.
WHAT A RAMBLE...am i the rambliest mumsnetter around ?...spout all at once i do,then dissapear again.
hope that gave you food for thought and good luck.keep us posted and so will i this week on my am i aren't i.(2 week wait far worse than pregnancy in my opinion!)
all the best everybody.
bye