To keep your toddlers quiet all day?

[HarperJess]

I feel a real pressure to keep my two toddlers quiet all day. We recently moved into an old terraced house from a semi (it's bigger and we relocated) but since moving here I've felt this insane pressure to keep the kids quiet because the walls are so thin and the floorboards are so loud. I'm so worried about annoying the neighbours that I'm finding I'm not letting them play or run around like toddlers should be able to do. All day I'm shushing them and even telling them off for laughing too loud, playing with loud toys or running on the floorboards which makes a noise.

I feel awful but I can't help it, I get so stressed about it it brings me to the point of tears. My partner feels the same pressure so is constantly telling them to be quiet too and we both feel bad but don't know what to do, it's become a habit we do without even thinking about. Our living room is on the first floor next to our neighbours bedroom, which means when my two get up at 6am I'm telling them to be quiet from the get go. They do have a play room but hardly ever want to stay in there to play.

Would you try to keep your kids quiet in this situation or would you let them be and not worry about the neighbours? Am I doing the right thing or overthinking it? Its obviously worse at the moment due to lockdown because everyone's in all day and the kids have all this cooped up energy so are being more hyper than normal.

Any advice would be great x

I think you are right to keep them quiet first thing in the morning ie 6-8am, either insist they stay in the playroom (assuming it's away from your neighbours' bedroom) or if you must let them go in the living room, make sure they are quiet.

For the rest of the day though I think you have to let them play and laugh, as long as it's within reason and they're not screaming, shouting and stomping around.

I think it's really sad actually that you and your partner are shushing them all the time.

Lockdown is hard on everyone and I really feel for young children being cooped up so much.

Hopefully your neighbours will be understanding. You could pop a note through their door saying you're doing your best not to let the kids make too much noise, ask them to let you know if they are badly disturbed, and thank them for their understanding.

I have a 3yo and my nasty neighbour has been complaining. We are doing our best to make sure he doesn't make lots of unreasonable noise but I am not prepared to stop him playing and laughing at reasonable volumes.

Also "everyone's in all day" - are you not taking them out every day for a walk or outing on bike/scooter??

Do you have a garden?

Thanks NameChange30, we do take them out every day for around 90 minutes and they do nap for around an hour too so it's not constant noise all day, and I do feel really awful for shushing them all the time that's why I'm getting so stressed.

Our neighbour on the one side doesn't seem to be going out at all though so I assume she's in all day which is more what i was referring to.

Thanks for your advice xx

It sounds as though you're overthinking it a bit. It's great that you're so considerate but I'm sure that your neighbours expect a little bit of noise from small dc.

We travel a lot and occasionally stay in hotels that aren't specifically child friendly with our 2dc. I'm exactly the same as you at those times and it's very stressful and not very fair on them but I won't have them disturb the peace. But that's a few times a year and we're out of the room most of the time. If I was behaving like that with them all the time then it would be completely unfair on them.

Can you try to keep them quiet in the very early morning, let them play in their playroom or have some screen time? Then for the rest of the day let them play normally and only shush them if they are screaming or banging on the walls for example. We are in a detached house now but when we were in a terraced our old neighbour said she liked hearing the children. So they may not mind anyway. The children will suffer if you keep shushing them, they need to feel comfortable in their own house to play and laugh. You can take them in the garden and for walks too?

You have to live!!! I’m all for being considerate and quiet, mornings and evenings- don’t let them bash pans but surely normal everyday noise is expected. Can you hear the neighbours?

I find shushing has the opposite effect on my toddler. I think providing you're quiet first thing and they're not screaming their heads off all day long it's not too bad. We try to be quiet until after 8am so no noisy toys, no running round, we don't go in the garden till about 9.30 but there's obviously toddler noise during the day.

Seriously you need to stop, your little ones are going to think they can't do anything right, and you sound as tho you are constantly telling them off. Its a very sad way for them to live, bless them.

Are you sure the neighbours can actually hear you? Older terrace houses tend to be better built than new ones, so while you might get noise up and down (ie internally), the dividing walls might be a little sturdier and block a lot of the noise. If the neighbours haven't said anything then I'd let the kids play a bit tbh