Mums of 2, what's it like? Can I ask a few questions?

[keabby]

Hiya. I've been on the fence about having 2 DCs and lately I've been leaning more towards having two.

It's just that I constantly hear "warnings" about how difficult 2 DCs is compared to having one. "It's quadruple the work!" (how long does that last, if that's true?) How different your life is, etc. And it scares me! I really like the simple, stress free life I have right now. Then again I tell myself I don't really find having one DC all that stressful so maybe I'd be OK to handle another.

As far as DD's temperament I'd say she's a pretty average toddler. There's about 30 min of kicking and screaming each night before dinner, answer to everything is "NO", I don't feel knackered around her though or anything like that esp now that bedtime is easy, I usually just try to let everything roll off my back. Usually if I do need a break she's good at independent play.

DD will be 2 in a couple of months. I think my other fear is that the relationship with her will somehow change once I have another. Or that I'm going to miss her and our special 1:1 times. Did you feel that way at all long term or was it temporary? Is it difficult to carve out 1:1 time with your DCs? Is jealousy an issue?

Also, how often do your children bicker and fight? This was one of the other things I was on the fence about and I want to know, honestly! If I'm signing myself up for the likelihood of bickering and fighting all day every day I may stay one and done. I'm an only child so I have no reference... I can't deal with constant bickering and fighting but I'm comfortable redirecting a squabble every once in a while. DH grew up with siblings and said his parents only needed to intervene perhaps once a week if that. Just wondering what I can expect for a "norm"

I'd be looking at a 3 to 4 year gap if you have experience with that as well.

Ultimately if you don't mind sharing, what was your reason for having two DCs? I feel like every reason I come up with isn't good enough :s I think the primary reasons for me are to have a bit of a larger family as we really don't have a lot of connections, and so that the children (hopefully) have each other as a support in life and can grow up together.

Many thanks all

We have a 12 week old and a 4 year old - like @pearpickingporky I was expecting the 4 year old to be at nursery 4 days per week and to have lots of grandparent support - so being at home with both of them has been a bit challenging (especially as the 12 week old doesn't sleep and dh has been sick with covid-19). I had all the same worries which is partially why we have quite a big gap - I'm an only child and didn't want the same for my daughter ... it can sometimes feel quite lonely and my dh has a great relationship with his siblings.
Despite the circumstances it's already lovely to see the bond developing and seeing my daughter become a big sister has been pretty awesome - it's also made her a bit more grown up (things like dressing herself, going to the toilet at night etc). I don't think it's quadruple the work (even with no sleep, no nursery, no family support and a sick dh it's been manageable - although I did have a minor meltdown when the coffee machine broke)...

I think the hardest part with two is that there is not a single moment to yourself all day (or night!). It’s a 24/7 job. If one is quiet, the other is screaming. I regret having a second baby during a pandemic, but maybe things will get better... in a few years time?

Always intended to have another child after DC1 and had always hoped there would be a 4 year, as couldn't afford nursery costs for 2 kids. Age gap between DC1 & DC2 is 4 years & 1 month and while they bicker and wind each other up every so often (a bit more now with lockdown), I couldn't imagine life without them both. I believe the 4 year gap has made things easier, as eldest could entertain themselves and would also be willing to help with the youngest.

I have a 4 and a half year age gap, I have a 4 and a half year old and a 4 month old and they love each other. My DD is at an age where she is very mothering to the baby and loves showing the baby toys and singing to her. Equally my 4mo is in love with DD and always looks for her, and they keep each other entertained too. My DD is of an age that she can entertain herself safely if I'm busy with the youngest too.

I have 2 , less than 2 years between them. Best thing I ever did. I won't lie the early days were tough, as the sleep deprivation was literally torture. However, they are best friends, spend hours together inventing games, and would be quite honestly lost without each other. They stick up for each other in school, and I think will continue to do so in life. It's lovely they are so close, but it doesn't always work out that way. I am not close to my sibling.

DD was just over 3 when her brother was born - she was a very easy toddler and was fine with baby, never saw any signs of jealousy, but then DS wasn't a very clingy baby so not tremendously hard work as they go.

It was hard at moments when they were little, but I wouldn't say it felt like a daily slog. They are now 8 and 11 and actually get on really well for the most part.

I'll have 2 with a 15 month age gap in summer so this thread is very helpful!

Mum of an almost 3 year old (in a week) & 7 week old baby here. I was anxious as much like you I enjoyed life with our elder DD and felt we were in a good routine & had a bit of a life!

But I always wanted two & planned a roughly 3 year gap so DD was potty trained & a bit more independent. And I’m glad we waited as she is very independent on the whole & plays by herself for ages which is VERY helpful!

If it wasn’t for bloody coronavirus, it would have been a relative breeze. DD really loves her baby sister which is the best thing to see, we are much more confident this time round.. DD2 has just slotted in really. She sleeps OK at night, every 3/4 hours so can’t much complain. Plus I’m used to being tired so a lot less of a shock! I love DD2 so much, I can’t imagine her not being here now!

Just such a shame we can’t see family or do anything.. I was kinda banking on DD1 going to nursery & Granny’s house as usual to give her some focused attention & fun as it’s not easy when baby is crying nor to juggle both 24/7 and keep them quiet while Daddy works at home on the phone to customers & editors! All a bit stressful!

But it’ll all get easier. Both pandemic wise & as we transition away from the newborn stage.. I can’t wait to see both girls together this time next year ☺️ And at Christmas when DD2 is sat up & interacting!

I have two children and they are almost exactly 3 years apart. The only reason I had a second (first was a nightmare baby and I swore never again) was because I wanted my eldest to have a sibling. I'm so glad I did have my second child, it all worked out great. They get on well most of the time, of course there are petty squabbles but on the whole they adore each other, I guess that all depends on their personalities though. It was hard initially having a newborn and a toddler to contend with but the baby practically lived in a sling so that I could carry on relatively normally with the eldest. They are both primary school age now and life feels much easier (apart from home schooling hell but hopefully that's not forever), and they keep each other entertained so that I don't have to. I don't regret having two, it feels weird to think back now and remember that I nearly didn't have number two, he has undoubtedly completed us as a family and we all adore him.

Personally I always wanted two children and was always set on them being close in age, my first child was a dream, so good, never cried, I thought, this is bloody easy, let's get on with the next one, so 18 months later second daughter arrives.........
Well shit.... What have I done 😂 now 6 and nearly 8 and they argue and bicker and they are both right and the other is wrong and she did this she did that......
By all means I would still have had another but would definitely had waited until my first was atleast 4 or 5 as I think they would of got on a lot better... But who knows. Love their feisty little characters though even if I am going to end up Grey before I'm 30 😬

Been really interesting reading this as I am in the same position as you.

We’ve decided to go for another and hopefully start trying soon. DD will be 2 in July.

DD was a very very unhappy baby, I’m talking screaming all day for a good 18 months. BUT she’s amazing now and I know we can handle it, plus we know it’s all a phase.

We know what we’re getting into and we are going to prepare ourselves for a colic/ sleepless nights etc. and if the baby is more content that would be a bonus!

I just love our little girls personality, and I think she’d be a lovely older sister. I have siblings and I want the family Christmas’s, shared memories, kids playing together at the beach. That’s the dream, and if we have to have a bit of a shit time for 18 months then that’s what we’ll do!