Any experience with age gaps of 8years plus

[Darklava09]

Would love everyone’s views on big age gaps.

My DS is turning 8 this month! I have always wanted 2 children but so many things have got in the way of having another!

We was young parents so we focused a lot on saving for a house, me getting a career as that was important (then) and ensuring that I could give my current DS everything they need.

Fast forward a few years and I’ve had a few bad jobs that I couldn’t settle in which I felt would be wrong the get pregnant with stress, I had to wait 8 months for my operation last year which postponed it further and now I’m changing jobs again!

Anyways, It’s pushed back having another child and it’s coming up to 8 years. Have a I left it to long? I worry there would be jealousy as DS has had us to himself and is loved and adored by everyone around him. I worry that he wouldn’t get used to sharing us with someone else. He adapts reasonably well to most things as we’ve had a dog recently.

Any advice or own experiences.

Thank you.

I have children who are 10, 8, 3 and 1. The children who are close in age have the same interests - but the children who are far apart in age love each other just as much and enjoy each other’s company. Its a different relationship when the age gap is bigger - but just as good a relationship, in a different way. My 10 year old loves playing with his 1 year old sister in the trampoline or reading her stories.

My little sister is 7 years younger. I resented having to wake up at the crack of dawn every weekend, make her breakfast, entertain her for hours, and then be told I wasnt looking after her, I was playing with her. It was the lack of appreciation more than anything. But if you dont make your older child an unappreciated skivvy/nanny, they may actually enjoy spending time with their younger sibling.

I have a 6 year gap and I wouldn't do it again if I had my time over..
They have totally different interests so holidays, films, days out are a nightmare. The older child resents the younger one so there is often war and they are also v mean to them as they are completely jealous of the attention they get. You also end up raising kids for many years as opposed to getting it all done and over with
Mine are a girl and a boy so perhaps if they were the same sex the age gap would lesson but I would think hard about this, in essence you will have two only children. I really wish I had a third straight after my second so if you were prepared to do that then I would go ahead. If not I really wouldn't

I have a similar gap and wonder why more people don't do it! It's been wonderful. No jealousy, plamty of one on one time with both, they get on brilliantly now they're older, and it's been lots of fun. I won't lie though, the harserst bit was going back to the baby stage because ds2 was a non sleeper and that hit me hard. I was older, I wasn't used to it, and I had school runs to do. But that didn't last forever.

I have a 13 year gap between my two. I found myself a single parent when the youngest was 2 and his big sister has largely been a good support. They have a lovely relationship at 9 and almost 22 now but it's not an ordinary sibling relationship due to the size of the gap. I think you'd be fine with 8 years, I know plenty of people who have done that!

I have a sibling who is 10 years younger than me, and I didn't have any issues with feeling jealous or resentful. I liked having a baby in the house, and then having a little pal to dress up and play with as she got older. She used to sneak into my bed while we were all downstairs, I would go up to bed and she would be star fishing across my bed fast asleep

It was particularly handy for me when I was a young mum, because DS had a young auntie who spent a lot of time with him like I had with her (she was 11 when he was born). They have an amazing bond even now he's an adult.

DS is the youngest of three brothers, one of whom is 19 years older and the other 13 years older. He doesn't have much in common with his oldest brother but is good pals with his middle brother, I think that could be because DSS1 left home when DS was a baby, whereas DSS2 was at home until he left uni. The only times where it was tricky was exam times, when DS was confused why his brother didn't want to play. We set DSS2 up with his own study space that was out of bounds to DS.

3 years gap between my first and second, 12 year gap between my second and third. Absolutely no problems at all! It was lovely having two older DC and a new baby and they all have a fantastic dynamic.

It’s nice to hear different experiences.

I too want to get it over and done with. I’m lucky that I’m still in my 20’s but don’t want to drag it out much longer.

My DS likes his own company and prefers being alone. He also has 2 cousins his age but again still prefers being alone but that could be down to potential ASD which he’s being reviewed for. Always so much to think about. We are lucky as he’s a good child and I worry about disrupting what we have that’s the only thing but again we would never know unless we do it

I have 4dc, so a different situation. They are 14, 13, 8 and 6. They all get on well, but my 14 and 6 year old get on really well together in particular (as do the 13 and 8 year old). The 14 year old likes helping the 6 year old and teaching him things, and actually enjoys playing the 6 year olds games with him. They also have a lot of in jokes and banter.

Mine are 11yo and 14months
Honestly I worried about it all the way through but oldest is great with youngest, understands that he needs attention, plays with him etc no issues here.
Only thing is I have to sometimes do individual activities with them to make sure both get my time and I do make sure to leave youngest with DH or GP so I get some 1.1 time with oldest too