My kids just can’t get on and it’s driving me mad

[Mopolop]

Dd nearly 11. Ds just 8.
They have never got on. Ds can be annoying. Dd can be intolerant and controlling.

Both vie for my attention all the time. They very very rarely cooperate with each other.

Being at home with each other is a nightmare. I’m at my wits end with them.

Dh and I would often ‘divide and conquer’ at a weekend or holiday but that’s obv harder now especially during the week when dh is working and I’m on my own with them trying to do their work, my work, housework... and keeping them from screeching at each other.

I just feel like a complete failure.

No words of wisdom. I think a girl 3 years older than a younger brother is a bad combination.

Hi Mopolop
You're not a failure. It can be a combination of character, ages and hormones which can make for clashes - especially during a time like this. You are not alone and it will get better ....

I really wish I could do something with both of them without the aggro. Feel like I spend all the time we could be doing something nice policing their behaviour and refereeing arguments. I can’t just leave them to sort it out as it ends in tears and screeching and isn’t fair on the neighbours.

Going for a walk-they both want to talk to me-I have to literally tell them when it is their turn to talk. Ds will accidentally or on purpose walk in front of dd and she will get annoyed with him.

Playing games-accusations of cheating

Cooking-bickering over turns and positions on stools

About the only thing that they can be in the same room for is watching tv (taking it in turns to choose program and ds not allowed to talk if it’s dd’s choice)
They are just horrible.

Alone they are fine and they get on fine with friends and cousins.

Same here. 10yr old DD, 8 ur old DS. They fight and argue from moment they work to moment they go to sleep. I'm on my own with them...trying to work full time, teach them and stop them fighting. I'm feeling quite unwell this afternoon and can't work out of its genuine illness or actual dread of another Monday where I can't seperate them in their rooms on devices. It is horrific and I fee like quite a failure that they are like this with each other. No advice but reassurance you aren't alone

Sounds like you're talking about my girls. 12 and 8 and they can't be in the same room together. It's non stop. If one puts a toe over the other's threshold WW3 breaks out. They fight over TV, who talks to me, who sits next to me. They can't bear each other's voices and are constantly telling each other to shut up. It is driving me totally insane. You have my sympathy.

In a way I’m glad it’s not just me. I had a faint hope that being stuck with just each other would force them to get along eventually but it seems to have done the opposite.

I thought siblings not getting on was in their job description

Maybe it’s the curse of social media but I see so many posts of siblings playing together, making things together. Even-gasp! - doing nice things for their parents together!

And dh doesn’t help because apparently he adored his younger sister (bigger age gap) and was always kind to her. Prob not a completely accurate memory!

I had an unlikely, random success today.

They took it upon themselves to organise a hamster petting ‘experience’ for DH & I and charged for the privilege 😂 (industrious!) I think the thought that they wouldn’t get paid unless it ran smoothly kept them focused on getting on.

And DH and I were so genuinely delighted with the way they’d worked together to put on quite an amusing show that they got some meaningful praise that carried them through another hour or so of playing fairly nicely.
Of course it fell apart a bit as usual later but was great while it lasted.

Fuck, being a parent, especially to two or more who fight like this is utterly exhausting. Got it here too. Eight and 13 boys.