Godparents... bother or not?

[MummytoaprincessXo]

A bit of context:

Me and my partner both have godparents. I was christened, he baptised. We’re not christening or baptising our child because we cannot agree on which one we would do (both stubborn). However, I love the idea of godparents (maybe not the idea of them being the guardians of your child if GOD FORBID TOUCH WOOD anything was to happen to us but to sort of be a good role model and to always be there for my child). My partner really isn’t fussed as he doesn’t think having godparents makes any difference to his life. With this is my mind I have questions for those who have godparents for there children...

Who did you make your child/children’s godparents? Was it friends or family members? Did you name godparents even if you did not get your child christened etc? How many did you have? When is it too late to name godparents?

If you did name godparents, how did you choose? How did you tell them?

Thank you x x x

As you've been unanswered for a few hours, I hope you don't mind me putting my perspective?

I'm the opposite. I was Christened, but have no Godparents. dh was christened but doesn't have any contact with his (when we were talking about our wedding plans, he couldn't remember who they were and had to ask his Mum).

There has been no point in my life when I felt there was a 'space' where Godparents should have been.
So, when we were making decisions for our dc, we had them all Christened, but they don't have Godparents.

I have Godchildren who are my dn. I don't treat them any different from their siblings that I'm not a Godparent too.

I think what I am saying is that, perhaps you need to think about why you want someone to be Godparent. (Particularly as it seems the main focus isn't to "bring them up in the faith" which is what they would promise in any service you had). Then, once you know what you want them to 'do' or 'be', it will make it easier for you to decide who to choose.

Don't know if that helps or not ?

I have no godparents. I don’t think I’ve ever missed out on anything.

What's the difference between being christened and baptised?

What's the difference between being christened and baptised?

Basically nothing.

churchofenglandchristenings.org/for-parents/is-a-baptism-different-to-a-christening/

My understanding (and I'm happy to hear others thoughts) is that I, as a Parent would decide to take my bay or child to be Christened, but the person themself would make the decision to be baptised - so it tends to happen when you are a teen or an adult.
This might differ from denomination to denomination though ?

I also know of some Baptist friends whose dc chose to get Baptised in their late teens, and they chose their own GodParents, at that point - people who had influenced or been there for them so far and who they hped would be by their side in the future.

OP I wouldn't confuse guardians (in the case of death of both parents) with Godparents. Make those decisions separately.

Not christened myself. Parents said they didn't have time to get it done. I havnt missed out. Dh is christened but doesn't know who is God parents are. He thinks it might be an uncle and aunt who he does see but not sure. We didnt get married in a church as we don't really believe and havnt had ds christened.

@emptyplinth christening is done as a baby and the parents/godparents make the promises, baptism is usually done as an adult/secondary aged child, they make their own promises and it usually involves a lot more water than a christening. Some c of e churches use the term "infant baptism" instead of christening.

OP none of my dc have godparents. The only time they have ever even asked about it was when watching harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban. They haven't missed out on anything.

I was baptised (RC).
My godparents were an aunt and my dad's best friend. They always got me extra presents at Christmas🤣🤣 that was about it. They were both at my first communion.
Dd1 godparents were my sister and brother
Dd2 godparents were my niece and dh's nephew.

In the C of E, it’s more usual to only be allowed to be confirmed as an adult if you’ve been baptised as a child. It’s much better to have a thanksgiving ceremony if you want your children to be able to choose to be baptised themselves when they’re old enough to make that decision.

Why not have "Odd parents" if you're not actually a Christian? You could have a little ceremony and celebration.

We christened our DC as a symbol of our intention to try to raise them to be aware of faith and for my church community to welcome the DC into the body of the church. We did not have Godparents as no one seemed suitable to make such huge commitments outside of the family, who I see as being involved with the DC in a different way, so no need to be nominated as Godparents.
I have two god daughters who I pray for (obviously) and try to set a good example too. I have also made extra provision for them in my will.
My own godparents were my DMs besties and my Aunt and Uncle - none made special efforts to stick to their promises as far as I can see. Maybe that was why I was a bit cynical about allocating the role.
I’m not sure you really want Godparents as such... I get what you do want, but can’t think of a term for their role; guardian is a wrong term, sort of loving mentors?

My dd doesn't have godparents, and neither do I. However, I am a "godparent" to a friend's daughter. That's what she calls me, anyway, but we both understand it in a completely non-religious sense.

My goddaughter's mother is a very dear friend and I was flattered when she asked me. I am also very fond of the child in question, and would always be happy to help, guide and support her. However, the godparent bit is actually a bit meaningless to me to be honest. I would care about the child just as much if she was just the daughter of my dear friend. However, it clearly means something to them so I just go along with it.

Our C of E church only did baptisms and that was the only info I was given. The Vicar corrected me when I said Christening. Basically it’s water on the head from the font and an introduction and welcome to the church. I really don’t know why o bothered for out two. Their Godparents haven’t really taken much interest. One has barely been seen by DD. Others have been a bit more interested but only one has really cared. A first choice of ours to be Godmother said no as she couldn’t agree to the faith bit. So overall our DDs have not remotely benefitted. Unless you are churchy, I’d just have a party!

I was christened and have godparents. No idea who they are! Parents’ friends I think. Made absolutely no difference to my life.
DH and I have lots of godchildren, some family, some not. we buy gifts for birthdays and Xmas but don’t have a huge influence on their lives (aside from the ones that are family and we see much more of)
We are godparents to one nephew and not the other for example and they are treated exactly the same.
I do find the whole thing slightly pointless really. My DS won’t be christened and doesn’t have godparents.
But each to the own of course!

Thank you everyone for your comments.

Think I’ll leave the godparents and just have good friends being ‘aunties’ & ‘uncles’. I do agree that really having godparents makes no difference to my life and I only see one of my godparents who I call ‘auntie’ anyway. My OH’s godparents are his aunties so he sees them anyway.

A shame as the idea of godparents is truly lovely & i had a few people in mind but it won’t make much difference if they were godparents or not.

To those about the baptism/christening difference. I also believe there is no difference but both my grandparents (Christians) and my OH’s parents (Catholic) believe there is a massive difference so the choice of to baptise or to Christian is too difficult without the result of upsetting a side of the family.

We have thought about a naming ceremony but also found it pointless and believe we’ve gone past the stage of having it (my child’s 10 months)

Thank you again x

The Church of England describes baptism as part of the christening service. As attached.

And 10 months isn’t too late. Any age is ok!

@BubblesBuddy no idea why my FIL is making a big song and dance about her being christened then haha! I will have to look into it for when lockdown is over. Thank you

Christening and baptising is the same thing. I organise them!

believe there is no difference but both my grandparents (Christians) and my OH’s parents (Catholic) believe there is a massive difference

Catholics are Christians. You aren't talking about the difference between christening and baptism but the difference between baptised into the Catholic church or into a Protestant one.

But both Churches recognise Baptism, colloquially known in English as Christening but exactly the same thing, by the other because in each case it is done in the name of the Trinity - Father, Son and Holy Ghost/Spirit - www.dosp.org/wp-content/uploads/9_3.-Valid-and-Invalid-Baptisms.pdf and www.interchurchfamilies.org.uk/resources/support-information/baptism/. The last article contains some help on mixed denomination problems. Baptism is one of the few areas where there is interchangeability and much more flexibility between the Trinitarian Churches. Even if somebody later joins another denomination it is not and cannot be repeated under Canon law. It may be worth remembering that while the Anglican Church admits to Communion any baptised person in good standing with their own Church and entitled to receive Communion in it, the Roman Catholic Church, at least in England, is far less welcoming. Thus being baptised and admitted to the Sacrament as a Roman Catholic will allow a person access to Communion at Anglican services but not vice-versa in England.

Are you or DP yourselves religious? If not then any ceremonies / godparents etc seems inappropriate, as it’s primarily a religious practice.

Personally I strongly dislike encouraging DC to call people “uncle” or “auntie” unless they are actually uncles/aunts in the family. This is because it is much more about the parent’s and others’ wishes and relationships than the DC, think it’s better to see how DCs’ relationships with people pan out, letting DC decide for themselves which “benevolent adults” to form bonds with.

It’s very difficult to predict whether anyone, even grandparents and family members, will be willing and able to spend time with/take close interest in DC, let alone “always be there”.

So IMO the key issue is who to suggest in wills as guardians in the event that both parents die.

My DDs godparents certainly haven’t been benevolent adults! My DDs now don’t even see them as Godparents. I think they now view them just as people their parents know. Therefore I tend to think I shouldn’t have bothered!

They do have real aunts. One of them has been seen about twice in the last 10 years. She doesn’t want a relationship with me of them or our mother in any meaningful way. So, you simply don’t know what people will do. Just live for the here and now and don’t expect much. Then you will be delighted if it’s a better outcome than you expect!