Struggling to cope

[Lafoosa]

I have two children, 23 months and 4 months. My OH works 8am to 8pm so isn't back until the toddler is in bed.
Both of them cry all the time, and that's not an exaggeration, it's literally from the minute they wake up until they do to bed.
No matter what I do nothing helps, I play with them all the time and they aren't overly interested. They get bored after a few minutes, we go for our daily walk for an hour everyday so my toddler can blow off some energy and get fresh air, and they're always fed. I'm at my wits end, I can't cope with it. 24/7 of screaming is making me depressed, I don't feel like I'm cut out to be a parent. I can't keep them happy, they'd probably be happier if I wasn't around anymore. My toddler is an angel for her dad and is happy as anything for him.
My 4 month old literally never lets me put her down, and if she's in the sling she's only happy if I'm walking around and don't bend down. So I can never tidy up or wash up because they're screaming constantly, and I can't just let them cry it out because I don't believe in that method. I think it's cruel. My house is a tip. I can't keep on top of the housework and try and calm both the kids down by myself. I'm really struggling not to just break down and snap. I feel like I've got the most difficult children ever, other people's kids are at least happy sometimes. I feel like no matter how hard I try it's not good enough. I think about killing myself everyday because I don't feel like there's a point to me anymore. My kids are happier when I'm not around anyway. My dad is judgemental about the state of my house, even though he never had to look after babies by himself all day everyday. I can't even feed myself because it takes too long to make two meals and my toddler will scream murder if I don't feed her fast enough. My baby won't even let me sit down, so I can't even sit down and eat when my toddler naps.
Even before lockdown my dad wouldn't ever help With the kids. Most grandparents at least babysit sometimes, but he never did. I have no friends to talk to because I have no friends. I can't cope by myself, my children are impossible.

This sounds so hard. I have a five month old and in the past week I’ve been putting him down for naps in his cot. He does cry at first but I go in and shush him after a while and rub his belly. It’s not cruel it’s actually better for them because otherwise they get completely overtired. I’m sure it’s much harder with a toddler as well but don’t feel bad about letting them cry for a bit if they’re loved and well looked after. You need time to eat and reset yourself. They’re the children and you’re the adult and you need to set the routine to something manageable. This virus will hopefully be over soon so you can get out to playgroups and your toddler can interact with other kids and wear herself out there. Your kids definitely wouldn’t be better off without you. You’re the world to them and things will get better

I have a 13m age gap with my preschool age DC and it's fucking relentless. My DH is rarely around although now in lockdown he's at leat WFH but still useless. We have no family to come help me out or give me a break. I have friends but obv can't see them in lockdown.

I've cried several times the last few weeks and think I'm having a nervous breakdown. You're not alone

Please don't think they're better without you. They need you. They're both at very challenging ages. Everyone would be struggling in your position. Please keep going so you can enjoy the better moments when they're older

I posted the flowers not the gin bottle BTW!

I know your dp is working long hours but he needs to do a bit of cleaning when he gets in. Any little thing thta may help at this stage is valuable. Good luck