5 week old won’t let me put him down!

[AnnieiLx]

Recently had a premature baby (6 weeks early) and all was good whilst in NNU. Since coming home baby has been really noisy all day and night but particularly at night, almost like a grunting noise and curling his legs up and arching his back. We tried all sorts including anti colic bottles, different teats, and recently changed to anti-reflux milk. He’s also on omeprazole now as they’ve put his noises down to really bad reflux (all of the above do not seem to be helping). Also whenever we try and put him down he does not settle and will only sleep on mine or my partners chest, we’re both exhausted from lack of sleep. I’ve been told by my health visitor to not leave him to cry it out but I can’t get find time to get anything done! But I’ve also been told that I’m going to create a really needy baby if I don’t leave him to cry. Help for a first time mum would be very much appreciated!

Definitely don't leave him to cry! He's not even supposed to be born yet, you're all that he knows and he wants to be close to you. My SCBU babies liked to sleep on my chest, they were out on their tummy in SCBU but obviously couldn't do that at home.

I have no worlds of wisdom other than enjoy the cuddles and it will get easier but right now he needs you to feel safe and happy.

Can you do shifts over night? 9-2 and 2-7? That way you should each get a decent chunk of sleep.

Are there slings for preemies? That would let you do things without putting him down.

He was probably really sleepy due to being early and now he's stronger. 💪 You will create a secure bond, not a needy baby and f you respond to his needs.

It depends why you are letting him cry. If it's so you can make a cup of tea or have a quick shower, then you should go ahead. You can't spoil a young baby though, and you shouldn't put them down so they 'learn'.

I know it's difficult when you're in the middle of it all, but honestly it goes SO quickly! You'll look back & wonder why you cared about 'getting stuff done' and didn't just inhale the newness!

Just hold him close and soak up every minute! Do shifts with your partner and don't worry about 'getting stuff done' beyond food!

Shame you can't have much help
from family & friends, but accept any offers of food dropped off etc.

Enjoy him being well & home 💕

Another thing is that the NNU is noisy, maybe some white noise at night would help? (It never did with mine but works wonders for some so worth trying).

Our DD is 20 weeks now and had terrible reflux also medicated, we put the cot at a 45 degree angle and bought a little pod to make her cosy (I know they aren't recommended but we tried everything) we also bought the babybojrn bouncer which seemed expensive but was great as it keeps her upright. I don't think this is recommended either but when she really screamed and we had finished the meds we found water seemed to help her. She still has water occasionally now, she cries specifically for it now. It will end and get better, good luck!

I had a premature baby and I remember her going through a similar stage when she came home; obviously don’t leave him to cry for long but if it’s to make a drink, something to eat then sometimes you have to, take him in the room with you and talk to him throughout so even if he’s crying she knows that you’re there still and haven’t “left” him.
You aren’t going to make a needy baby by holding him; that’s an old fashioned approach and until 12 weeks a baby has no difference between what they want and need so he is saying he needs a cuddle. I would second the suggestion of white noise and just keep trying to put him down at night; I used to take the Moses basket mattress and blankets into bed with me while I did a feed so they’d be warm and smell of me when my DD went back in; I’ve also heard of people warming the mattress with hot water bottles although obviously be careful it’s not too hot.
This will pass and it will get better

Get a stretchy wrap. It's been a life saver for us! Babe is nice and close, all snuggled up and you can get some jobs done and look after yourself. Win-win.

+1 for the stretchy wrap sling.

I also had a premature baby recently and we did shifts from 12-6am and 6-12pm. It allowed us both to have a chunk of much needed sleep. I think it was 8 weeks when I could put her down in her chair whilst I did something (shower/make coffee/use the loo!). Not long until it gets a little easier 🤞

Your baby is 1 week old, corrected, yes? No wonder you can't put him down.

You will not create a needy baby by holding him, and attending to his needs.

I remember having visitors when we had our first and letting her cry because they thought we would make a rod for our own backs if we picked her up. I look back full of regret and horror. At this age you will not make a rod for your own back, they need the cuddles and even if you did then you could sort it out later.

My second wouldn't sleep anywhere but on us. We used a sling for 6 months for day time sleep and a gro bag swaddle type thing that zipped baby in so they felt tight and secure. My third didn't need the sling but did need the zippy grobag.

Google the third trimester and also the 5 S's (Harvey Karp). You need to create a womb like environment as much as possible so they feel safe.

You are exhausted and it feels relentless and never ending and you can often feel trapped. You need to come up with a plan of attack. If you're both at home alternate sleep. If your DH is out of the house for work then come up with a schedule. Don't tackle the awake time together. One of you spend some time batch cooking to save time in the long run. Use your dryer. Don't clean apart from bare essentials. This shall pass.

I didn’t have a premie but best advice I was given when my DD was a few weeks old and never slept and screamed for hours on end unless you were walking and rocking her, was for my DH and I to work in shifts and tag team so to speak.

It meant we’d not spend much quality time together for a few weeks but that in the end we’d survive the hard part together.

He’d come home from work at 6. Then after food together I’d go to bed at 7. Then at 12 he’d come to bed and I’d take over so he could sleep for work.

It meant we both got enough of a block of sleep to function and it made all the difference until DD grew out of the needy crying clingy stage.

Our mistake was thinking our lives could carry on in their normal pattern with a baby so needy. It temporarily couldn’t and once we accepted it it was much easier.

I know it’s not a magic fix, but it was the advice that save my sanity.

It does pass. But it takes time.

As others have said - stretchy wrap!

I also recommend baby being naked (with nappy) and you having ur top off while in the wrap. Skin to skin contact while making a sandwich is lovely!!!

I just wanted to say that I think the grunting and pulling legs up is very normal. My 6 week old started doing it 4 weeks ago and I was getting stressed she was in pain etc. She does have reflux too. I noticed the grunting and pushing was worse after her feed in the night when out back down. I'm in a Facebook baby group and it appears it's VERY common, especially after that 3/4am feed! People were posting videos and it's like watching my own baby! Babies have a lot to learn about using their vowels etc and it's just learning. It probably upsets you more than baby. My little one has reflux and I can hear the acid coming up and her swallowing it. I did have her on anti reflux formula as I felt sorry for her and wanted to help, but then she got constipated so just put her back on normal and I'm trying to tell myself when she is acidy if she's not upset by it it's fine and she will grow out of it (she was crying more about being constipated)