Baby twins. Am I doing it wrong?!

[FirstTimeMumOfTwins]

I feel so stupid posting this

I've got 8 week old twins and they seem very content; they don't cry much unless they obviously need something like a feed or a nappy change. But people have been asking me if we've got into a routine yet, and it's made me think I might be doing things a bit wrong. I take so long doing things that I can't imagine having a routine, we just take it hour by hour. They tend to feed roughly every four hours (evenly spread through day and night, and they sleep in between night ones). In between daytime feeds, I just play with them if they are awake (eg. bouncy chair, baby gym, or just singing nursery rhymes) and if they're asleep then I let them sleep while I do housework/cook dinner etc. We also go out for a walk most days. What I'm saying is, I tend to spend my day led by them rather than the other way round. I have no idea how we would get into a set way of doing things every day (especially with there being two of them), and we all seem happy doing things the way we do. But am I heading for trouble if I don't start getting more structured soon? We all go up to bed somewhere between 9 and 11pm and are generally not downstairs for the daytime until lunchtime. I don't think this has been helped by the lockdown starting shortly after I brought them home, and no input from friends, family or health visitor etc. Feeling a bit lost

You’re not doing anything wrong at all! You sound as though you’ve all settled in lovely. Congratulations.

Sounds as though you are in a routine btw.

You’re doing nothing wrong, am massive part of mums feeling inadequate is by us putting too much pressure on ourselves. Especially when comparing ourselves to others.
If you feel you’re happy and your babies are happy you’re doing amazing

I always follow the baby's lead. I read once about having "rhythm" rather than a routine and that sounds like what you have- no set times but you know roughly when your babies will be hungry/sleepy/wanting interaction. I think if everyone is getting some sleep, the babies are happy and healthy and you are mostly enjoying your days then don't worry about changing anything.

Sounds like their natural rhythms are in tune with each other. If it ‘ain’t broke and all that.

Mine were a nightmare as they didn’t sleep at the same time and I couldn’t cope. I barely slept more than 2 hours at a time. The routine was to help me more than them, if I’m honest.

And mine are still the same. DT1 got up at 1pm today (because I woke him up), DT2 got up at 9am.

Sounds like you are doing amazing!! Routine isn't that important and I felt like we only got into a routine with DS when we reached about 7 months, ie, when we got him into his own room and settled and we got our evenings back

I’ve got an 8 week old and we’re the same (although he feeds more so I’d love to be on 4 hour feeds!). He’s started a bit of a natural rhythm of feed, play, sleep but not to any particular times and I set easily disrupted if he’s windy etc

You are doing amazingly! I had one and we didn’t get into any sort of routine until 3-4 months.

Sounds like you're doing great! Not one person asked me with our first if we were in a routine, but as soon as the twins came along the world and its health professionals were obsessed!!

Do what works for you. Congratulations too!

What you're doing sounds perfect. With my first I just did whatever suited. It was brilliant and as pp suggested there was a natural rhythm to the day.
Routines came with the subsequent three as I had to structure the day around school age DC.

I never had set 'routines' with any of my four babies. It was much, much easier to just go with the flow! Don't worry it sounds like you are doing great :)

My twins are 12weeks and I have done exactly the same as you and been led by the babies. They have pretty much created their own routine and will feed and sleep as similar times each day. This week I have tried to introduce 4pm nap in their nursery but that was for my own benefit so I get some 'me' time.

In the birth clubs section we have a expecting twins 2020 thread which has been useful to talk to other twin mums if you want to join us. We have also just created a 2020 twins facebook group.

A routine is just a way of doing things ROUGHLY at the same time. If you wrote down your daily schedule for 10 days you would probably find you have a routine anyway.

Plus babies are individuals. I had a rough routine with both. But DS1 needed a short nap within 90 mins of waking up and a long nap in the afternoon.
DS2 could stay away for nearly 2.5 hours after waking and then would take a 2 hour nap and a short one in the afternoon.
They’re much older now- they got to school. DS2 wakes up bright and sparkly but DS1 is still not the best early in the morning!

Sounds perfect to me.

'Are you getting into a routine yet?' Seems to be one of those questions that are obligatory for people to ask. A few others are 'Do they sleep/feed well?' and 'Are you getting any sleep?'

It's really just a general enquiry as to how you are doing.

Routine is babyled! :) also this is so young, far too young for anything more structured and is quite old-fashioned advice. At 8 weeks you're doing what they need. Just remember to make sure they sleep a lot in the day! I made that mistake by playing with mine too much and as he got older he'd get too tired and distressed.

Sounds a lot like a routine to me. Congratulations

It sounds like you’re doing great, especially with lockdown meaning you aren’t trying to work naps around groups or classes or anything. My only tip is to have a ‘bedtime routine’, as in a set order of things that you do at bedtime. It doesn’t matter what time you do it, but it will help signal to them that it’s bedtime. Then, when you do want them to start going to bed at a particular time, it’s much easier for them to adjust.

Enjoy those lovely cuddles. My twins are 4.5 now and still very cuddly, but not nearly so squishy.

Do what suits you! My only 'routine' was when one fed I fed the other one otherwise it would have been a complete Hampstead wheel of feed, nappy, prepare feed, sleep, start all over again!

Sounds like you're doing a great job. We always believed in looking at the baby, not the clock. ie you do what baby needs, no matter what/when. (when I had my baby, Gina Ford was the preferred guru for a lot of families, and she was fanatical about routines, down to "drawing the curtains" at a set time each morning, and waking baby to feed, that sort of thing. ) Needless to say, we never did anything like that.

If it's going well then that's all the matters! We did do a routine from 8 weeks but only because my boy was a little horror and didn't seem to realise he should take naps during the day! Routine was the only way we could survive. I was so jealous of the other mums who didn't need a routine... if it's working go with it!!

I also have an 8 week old and was wondering the same thing. Just this week I looked up some schedules!! I tried one out that looked close to our ‘rhythm’ and we messed it up immediately. Trying a routine was good as it showed me that I could consider getting my baby back to sleep more often than I was doing. However it also showed me that I know a bit about my little one. It showed me that mine tends to do things in longer blocks. Slightly longer awake, and longer blocks of sleep during the day rather than 1 hr here and there. I definitely agree about the rhythm thing. We now have a sort of pattern but things take a little longer or shorter based around what my little one does.