Encouraging independent play - 2y3m

[oldlongjohnson]

My little boy is a delight, he is polite, sweet, affectionate and hilarious. He's 2y3m now. However one issue we have, that has perhaps been highlighted to me in the 4 weeks of lockdown so far is that he rarely plays independently.

His favourite games are "character" games where you play with say... a lion and he plays with a penguin, you both do the voices and make up scenarios (e.g where are our mummies, I'm stuck, I'm asleep etc) he also plays the same type of game with his Playmobil animals, Duplo people etc. But he is very instant - he will trick you into playing these games by asking you to "hold" one of his animals for example, then he'll start up "hello..." In a high pitched voice and expect you to play along.

This is fine, this is lovely 2yo play behaviour. BUT it's all he wants all day every day - if I say mummy's busy, or mummy needs to empty the dishwasher or something he has a melt down, screams "mummy playyyyyy" and then clings onto my legs, stands next to me saying "mummy mummy mummy" like he's pleading. Or he cries and asks for a cuddle - which I always give, but then afterwards it's the same meltdown all over again when I try to get on.

It sounds silly but I am at my wit's end with it. I desperately need a bit of space, time to get on with normal things like cleaning and folding washing and I feel like I can't do this with a huge meltdown / guilt trip.

I've tried to speak to my partner about this but he doesn't get it as he comes home at 5pm and plays for 30 minutes and enjoys the time spent with DS. I tried to explain how I feel and how I think we need to encourage independent play and he shot me down with "well he's only two" 🙄

Yes I know, but I feel like I'm literally losing my mind. I've come upstairs and just cried for 20 minutes.

Help.

I know this isn't gunna sound super helpful but my DD was exactly like your DS. She could do a little bit of independent play but it was always "mummy do this", "mummy do that". She's now 30 months and plays completely fine by herself. She can go a good twenty minutes playing nicely by herself. So I do think it is just another developmental leap they got over with age. Did your DS attend nursery or pre school before lockdown? I know that also massively helped my DDs ability to play independently. Maybe suggest things that he could do like "go find mummy the blue elephant", to give you five minutes to load dishwasher, put a wash on etc etc. Play tea party so you can sit down for five minutes whilst he fetches you tea, you can still engage but it gives you five minutes to sit down. I know it's rather unmumsnetty to suggest but maybe stick CBeebies on in the background whilst he plays? I use to do this so I could make DDs dinner. Best of luck, I know it's a hard age but he will get past it.

Mines the same age and I think you have to train them a bit to play independently at this stage. I find offering a choice helps: mummy needs to empty the dishwasher, do you want to help or do you want to play for 5 minutes and then mummy will join you when she's finished? Either way that dishwasher is getting unloaded!

5 minute mum on Instagram says about playing for 5 minutes and then leaving them to it but that doesn't work for my DS.

Failing that we have cbeebies on at strategic times so I can make dinner or sort washing.

I'm trying hard to think, as both mine were quite good about this (they're much older now!). However, it may well just be nature!

Thinking about it, mine were pretty much always very nearby at that age - so right next to me while I did laundry, dishwasher, whatever. Are you hoping to have him further away from you, or is he kicking off even if he's right by you?

The other thing I'm thinking is that mine often played in a way that linked in to what I was doing, rather than sort of separate "I'm playing a game" type of play. Eg, they might have played with some clothes pegs/an empty laundry basket (and maybe also involved a proper "toy" in that, or not). So play often came out of activities we were doing anyway, rather than being a separate thing.

Another thought - can you start him off with, say, 10 mins of absolutely undistracted attention from you, and then tell him you have to go and do something, but he can come with you and help with that/play at the same time? Just wondering whether absolutely undiluted attention might help him endure five mins of less directed attention.

I think the reality is that at this age they are just around you pretty much all the time, but he shouldn't necessarily need you to PLAY in that way all the time.

I have no idea if any of that's helpful - it's slightly back in the mists of time for me!!

As a pp said, it may just be nature - but mine’s always been quite good at this, partly because he’s had to be. DH works abroad a lot and can be away 6 weeks at a time and we have no family nearby to help - so DS has to play alone at times because otherwise I would get nothing done! I find that when I’m in the room he’s keen to play with me - but if I’m not there he just gets on with stuff. Our house isn’t very big so I can easily do things in the kitchen or nip upstairs while still being able to see him through the door/over the stair banister and supervise and check on him. If you’re able to do so safely, can you leave him by himself to play and see how he gets on?